'AITA for not telling my mom the truth about my wife's Tiffany's bracelet?'
"AITA for not telling my mom the truth about my wife's Tiffany's bracelet?"
My wife and I are staying with my mom and doing everything we can to get out. I already feel bad and don't need to be shamed for it. My mom despises my wife, like I can see the hatred in her eyes. It is a bit scary actually. She isn't too fond of me either these days.
My wife had a birthday recently and I didn't get her a gift beyond flowers. I felt bad, but our priority has to be saving right now. Her mom, however, did send a Tiffany's bracelet. It really brightened her day. However, my mom came downstairs and saw the box and just jumped to the conclusion that I had bought it, and began screaming that how dare I spend money like that while living in her house.
I tried to correct her, but I couldn't talk over her screaming. She then told her fiancé to keep us away from her and burst into tears. He went after her and they were in the room for about an hour. I did walk past at one point and hear her crying, but tbh I felt like she could cry if she wanted to jump at conclusions and scream at me like that.
Finally she came out and I told her that MIL bought the bracelet. She didn't say anything but her fiance blew up about what is wrong with me and why would I let her cry like that. Honestly, I don't feel that bad. She chose to assume something and react like a crazy person
Additional info:
This was a one time incident. My mom makes it clear she hates us living here, but she isn’t mentally ill. She isn’t a threat. She had one singular breakdown after holding in her feelings for a long time.
My wife chooses to live here. She is an active participant in our decisions and agrees this is our best opportunity
We can’t live with mil as she lives on the other side of the country.
We've been staying here for 2 months. We didn't give a timeframe for how long we'd be here. We don’t pay anything because she doesn’t want us to. It would detract from saving.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Both YTA I don't understand why you stay with your mother when your MIL can afford to buy a Tiffany's bracelet? Why did you leave the box lying around? Does this seem respectful to you when your mother herself had to make sacrifices under her own roof to let you save money?
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
We didn't leave it around. We were in the kitchen and it didn't even occur to me my mom would react like that.
Wait, your job, does that mean your wife isn’t working? Is she home all day? Are you both helping around the house? Are you paying anything to the household?
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
My wife works part time and is trying to get more. We don’t pay anything as my mom just wants us to save. There really isn’t anything to help with as they have a cleaning lady and my mom doesn’t want her in common areas.
NTA your mom needs help. Wtf is wrong with her?
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
I really don't know. She is so not a crier. I mean I know she is pi&^ed we live here, but that was truly out of nowhere. They aren't a daily problem. This is probably the second time I've seen her cry in my life.
Your mother hates your wife. That is a daily problem. Why would you subject your wife to that?
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
Because she’d rather listen to her complain than live in the shelter or some slum apartment.
NTA Your mom has issues. Big ones. This has nothing to do with you. She has absolutely no self control and honestly? That reaction sounds like emotional [ ].
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
It had nothing to do with being jealous of the bracelet. It was the thought of me spending money vs putting it towards getting out.
Why are you making excuses for your mother, a grown a&^ woman. If she had an issue or concern then she should learn how to communicate and talk normally. There's no excuse for a blow up like that honestly I feel bad for your wife.
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
I'm not making excuses. I am answering a question. It doesn't really matter why she reacted that way.
Why doesn’t she like your wife? Because her reaction is very unusual.
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
She feels she controls me which isn’t fair. She thinks she’s “trashy and stupid” blames her completely for our financial issues though I’m a grown man and take accountability as well. She has always said she was beneath me and going to ruin my life. They are just polar opposite in every regard and can’t stand each other.
Wait, your job, does that mean your wife isn’t working? Is she home all day? Are you both helping around the house? Are you paying anything to the household?
Holiday-Split5443 OP responded:
My wife works part time and is trying to get more. We don’t pay anything as my mom just wants us to save. There really isn’t anything to help with as they have a cleaning lady and my mom doesn’t want her in common areas.
My mom's fiance who is 6’5 and all muscle talked about wanting to hurt me. I’m stuck in a room when I’m home because she becomes furious if I’m in a common area. My own mother hates me.
After reading the comments, and OP's responses, one reader laid it out like this:
You are the biggest a&^%ole on the planet. After reading OPs comments, here is the summary:
1. He kicked his own mother out of his wedding for kissing a single divorced guest (who became her fiance but was his MIL's friends ex husband) because his wife ordered her to be kicked out of the wedding. (No wonder you mother hates your wife, she publicly humiliated her on the day of her sons wedding)
2. Mother went NC and they turn up at her door as they have "massive debt" still she lets them stay instead of being homeless.
3. These leeches don't offer a penny when staying under her roof, offer no timeline or plan to gtfo. They aren't even saving up to move out, they have no plan at all. In the comments OP states his mother "clearly doesn't need the money"... she certainly needs the peace and quiet under her own roof!
4. His wife prefers living there as she likes her shitty husband standing up for her and she likes OPs mums house more than getting an apartment of their own. Whilst working part time hours and not going full time to fund getting their own place.
OP you ruined your own relationship with your mother on your wedding day by kicking her out, you haven't even apologized instead you turn up homeless at her door expecting pity for your own life choices. It is time you leave and grow up. When you are older and more emotionally mature you will see how badly you treated your mother to win points with your wife and by that time that bridge will be burnt forever.
Hopefully OPs mother didn't fund that wedding she was kicked out of as well as that would have been a further slap in the face by the world's most ungrateful son.