'AITA if I tell my mooch brother and his family I don't want them at my birthday dinner?'

"WIBTA If I Tell My Brother & His Family That I Don't Want Them At My Bday Dinner?"

My younger brother has always been kind of a mooch. He was my father's favorite son and therefore was always catered to whenever he wanted something, especially money, with no consequences. I on the other hand was usually told "no" or in the best of circumstances told that "there would be consequences."

For over a decade he had my parents paying his expensive rent and utilities while at the same time flaunting expensive foods he was purchasing whenever they'd send him money.

Now he's married to a woman who has three kids from a previous marriage. She is nice (definitely nicer than my brother deserves), and her two youngest kids are nice as well (one is in college and lives on campus, one is in HS). Her oldest is kinda clueless and I'm not too fond of her (she doesn't live with them).

But even though he now has a spouse (who works two jobs) he still constantly mooches off my mother. Always asking for money, always getting it regardless of if my mother can actually afford to do so or not (the stress of one loan put her in the hospital for a week).

But the one thing that always gets under my skin is how whenever there is the possibility of getting a free meal out of my mother their entire family shows up. They live a state away (about 1.5 to 2 hour drive), and whenever there is a holiday meal to be had (both personal or national), each and every one of her kids finds a way to drop everything to make sure they are there.

Especially if it's a dining out situation because my mother always insists on paying. My brother takes over the ordering of the meal and makes sure there is more than is needed so that they can have leftovers to bring back home with them.

Whenever they are boxed up to go my brother snatches them up as if he's paid for them himself. My mother is way too nice to say anything to his face, but she has told me multiple times that she hates how he takes advantage of her.

The latest event was during my SIL's birthday earlier this month. My mother offered to take her and my brother out for a nice dinner, but sure enough all three kids showed up with them, and the oldest thought it would be ok to bring her new boyfriend as well. I was not there due to work, so I didn't see this go down.

If I was I would have snapped on them. But like I said, my mother is too nice. Of course too much food was ordered, the check was very expensive, and all the leftovers were snatched up before anyone could do anything about it.

My mother was beyond pissed and told me after the fact that the next time she invites specific people over for a meal, those are the people that had better show up. If anyone else does everyone will be turned away. Family or not. Honestly I feel the same way.

I have told my brother many times that my mother is not made of money and that he can't keep telling her "it'll just be me and my wife" that will drop by, and then three extra people that she didn't budget for show up unannounced. My brother always waves me off (kinda like how my father used to) and tells me it's not a big deal. I'm at the point where I don't want them around regardless of the holiday.

The main reason I'm writing this here is because my birthday was this past weekend, and it was a milestone. A big one. Of course my mother wants to go out to dinner to celebrate. I am feeling that after the SIL's birthday situation that I don't want any of my brother's family there at all. I'm content with it just being me and my mother.

But knowing her, she will tell him the when and where, and then every single one of them, their SOs, and their damn dogs show up expecting to get fed for free.

WIBTA for not inviting my brother's family to my milestone birthday dinner?

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what commenters had to say:

LeaJadis said:

I’m very bewildered. She’s an adult women and she’s not able to say no but she goes and complains to her other child who tries to ‘fix’ the situation that her mother puts herself in. NTA but goodness your mom needs to take personal responsibility.

OP responded:

I agree that she definitely needs to speak up for herself, but like I said she is too nice. I've gotten on her about this issue multiple times, but as I live about an hour from her and aren't there for most of these incidents I hear about them after the fact. By not inviting them to my dinner I'm hoping it will be a big signal that things need to change not only for her, but for him as well.

QuietCelery7850 said:

Make a reservation someplace new and pick up your mother on the way. Pick up the tab yourself. Let your brother and his hangers-on sit and wait at the wrong restaurant.

Interesting_Cloud120 said:

No you WNBTA. Also your mother complains that they take advantage of her. She is letting them do it. She has never learned to set boundaries. Maybe you can teach her.

Impossible_Balance11 said:

Moochers gonna mooch, but people can only take advantage of us if we let them. Your mom needs therapy STAT. Gotta find her spine and shine it up!

Your birthday, your decision on guest list. NTA