'AITA for telling my brother that he can't bring my HS bully to my wedding?'
"AITA for telling my brother he cannot bring his date to my wedding?"
Positive_Situation71 writes:
I am a 27-year-old woman and I am getting married to my fiancé, a 26-year-old man, who I have been with for the last six years. Our wedding date is very soon, and last month I asked everyone who was invited to RSVP and let me know who they were bringing to the wedding. My brother, who is 23, did not respond, so I texted him to find out who his guest would be. He acted very nonchalant and said, “Oh, it’s just Carrie,” who is 25.
Carrie and I have a long history, but to sum it up, she was my high school bully. I told my brother I was sorry, but she would not be allowed to attend my wedding. I explained that she bullied me throughout high school, saying things behind my back to several different people, to the point where I only spoke to two people during my entire senior year because of her.
Just a week before this conversation, I had been talking to some of my friends who still live in our hometown. One of them, who I will call Chelsea, is 29. Chelsea told me a story about how Carrie had tried to get Chelsea’s boyfriend to cheat on her with Carrie. I told my brother about what Chelsea had said, and that this happened only three weeks before our conversation.
My brother then said he would not be coming to my wedding if he could not bring Carrie with him. I told him I was sorry, but I would not have my high school bully at my wedding. I said it was his choice not to come, but we would still hold a spot for him at the ceremony and reception if he decided at the last minute to attend. I also told him he was welcome to bring anyone else, but Carrie was the one person I refused to have there.
I told my mother about my brother’s decision not to come, and she cried and tried to get me to change my mind and allow Carrie to attend. I explained that if she came, I would be extremely self-conscious and worried that she would talk badly about me to my family behind my back. So, am I the one in the wrong for telling my brother he cannot bring his plus one to my wedding?
Here are some of the comments from the post that OP responded to.
quincebush says:
Are you an a^#%ole for refusing to invite your high school bully to your wedding? Oh hell no, NTA You handled your brother's request to bring her graciously and firmly, she's not invited and if decide not to come as well, you respect his decision and still he's welcome to attend.
And your mother, oh please, she can turn off the manipulative water works. However, you need to have a contingency plan because your brother may show up with Ms. Thing so you need to be prepared to kick her sad behind to the curb.
OP responded:
One of my bridesmaids has already volunteered to kick her out if she shows up.
Go-Mellistic says:
NTA. I can’t help but wonder why this is the hill your brother is choosing to die on. He isn’t dating Carrie, and doesn’t seem especially close to her. So what else is going on here? Some speculation questions: does he always need to be the center of attention?
Does he not like the groom? What is OP’s relationship like with him normally? Does he want Carrie to ruin the wedding on purpose? And again, why? And what’s up with mom backing brother bringing Carrie? Is this a golden child situation?
OP responded:
My brother does know the groom. As I stated we’ve been dating for the past six years he’s come to every holiday function with me in that time period. Me and my brother do not talk very often and no, we do not have a great relationship. I did not put in some specific details about mine and his relationship because it is against the guidelines. Just know that I moved out of my mom‘s house early because of him.