'AITA if I tell my coworker he can't participate in Secret Santa due to his conditions?'
"AITA if I tell my coworker he can't participate in Secret Santa due to his conditions?"
Okay, so: I'm hosting a Secret Santa at work. It's an employee-run event (no managers involved), and I have been the one to host it for the past few years. I made up some questionnaire slips, sent out an email, and started handing out slips to those who want to participate.
One of my coworkers (we'll call him Trey), who I actually really get along with, can be.. difficult...at times. And has chosen my hosted event as one of those times for some reason.
Anyways, here's how it went down:
I hand him a slip since he participated last year, and I assumed he would want to play again. He took the slip from me and then asked me "can I just buy someone a gift and not get one?" I told him no, it doesn't work like that. Someone is going to draw his name and they're gonna want to get him a gift. He told me to just put in someone's name who doesn't want to play.
I said "they don't want to play, though, so I'm not gonna do that. You either play or you don't. There's no in-between." This just makes sense in my head. But he kept arguing with me saying he really doesn't want any gifts and he doesn't need any more clutter in his house, but he still wants to buy a gift for someone.
Another coworker overheard our conversation and kind of called me out for it, saying "damn, just let Trey give a gift to someone and put someone's name in at random. Someone gets an unexpected gift and Trey doesn't have to receive one"
I really hate the idea of this, but I told Trey I would think about it.
But that just makes no sense to me. I'm not gonna put a random person's name into the hat, and I'm not gonna start asking around "who wants to get a gift, but doesn't want to buy one?"
I feel bad because I want Trey to be able to play and participate with us, but I don't like getting pushed into changing rules and making exceptions for people. In my head, the way I set it up is the way the game is played. You either play or you don't. Am I wrong, though? Should I just let him "donate" his gift to someone else?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Suckerforcats wrote:
Maybe his gift could be for the break room?
OP responded:
Ooh, this is a good idea too! I'm going to suggest this to him.
teresajs wrote:
Why don't you recommend that Trey ask for a donation to a charity for his gift? He could write down that he doesn't need anything and ask for a modest contribution made to one of a list of charities.
OP responded:
Thank you for this! I ended up giving him this as an option. Basically, I told him he could choose to find someone to put in his place or write down to donate to charity in his name. He is thinking about putting another of our coworker's kids down for fun. I'm going to let him participate so long as he gets it figured out on his own.
Thanks everyone for the ideas and recommendations! For those that were a bit aggressive in your responses, I just want to say: I know this sub can get really heated and there are some really disturbing posts here sometimes. But this was more meant as a fun way for us to settle our little situation. We got it handled and all is well. (: Thanks again everyone!
Ill_Attention4749 wrote:
We had the best Secret Santa event ever where we worked. Basically, we drew names, and then bought a Toy that represented the person whose name we drew. The toys would be on display at work until the party. At the party, the challenge was to match the toy to the person it represented. What a hoot! And when the party was over, all the toys were donated to a Christmas toy drive.
Anywhereas9048 wrote:
Weirdly enough I have had this happen in the past. I told the person that they should ask for a donation to our common kitchen that was shared by everyone in the building. Everyone used it, but we were always in need of shared utensils, guest coffee cups. She thought it was a great idea and enjoyed being able to donate.
Not long after that, OP shared an update.
Edit/Update: Hey guys, the issue has been resolved. You can see some of my replies for the full story. In short, I have asked him to handle the logistics of his gift and am going to let him play. The post is still getting some traction. I was going to ask the mods to close it, but I really enjoy reading about people's work Secret Santa experiences. So keep the stories coming lol.
I'd like to say a few things about some points keep keep making.
Just let him play and don't put his name in and then one person won't have to buy a gift.
My response: It takes the fun out of the game for most people. Like we saw with Trey, pretty much everyone *wants* to buy a gift for someone. That's why they play. Getting gifts is always fun too ofc. But we all love to buy gifts for people, and I'm not going to take that away from anyone. That's why I asked Trey to find someone on his own who is willing to do that.
2. I pressured him into participating when he didn't want to.
My response: Okay, I know I didn't say it outright, but just so everyone is aware...it is a *voluntary* participation. No one has to play. Trey **wants** to participate. Just without receiving a gift in return.
3. Have a raffle for whatever gift he gets
My response: To be frank, I really just don't want to set this up. I was pressured into doing the Secret Santa by my coworkers again because I've done it in the past and no one else will really organize it.
But I'm extremely busy at work right now and had so many issues last year with managers getting involved, I really didn't want to have to do it again. Before you say I shouldn't have done it at all, I'll explain myself a little. For one, it started as an alternative to the absolute terrible job our company does for their Christmas gifts.
It ends up being a lottery every year with some people getting huge flat screens and others getting a dog bowl lol. We started doing Secret Santa as our own way of taking control and making things fair and fun and also being able to further bond with each other. It's a small company and we're all pretty close. Especially us hourly folks.
Two, the company is shutting down on December 31st and this is a way for us to kind of go out on a high note in regards to our friendships and work relationships. Some of us may never see each other again. It's been a good bonding experience for us in the past so I figured we should do it one last time while we can. Well I've rambled on long enough lol...thanks for listening, everyone.