'AITA for telling a coworker to stop commenting on my snack choices?'
"AITA for telling a coworker to stop commenting on my snack choices?"
Some backstory: my work provides snacks for employees regularly and keeps our break room well stocked. There is not a supply issue in play here. I also regularly drink a particular soda and don’t stray from that, unless I’m drinking water.
I tend to bring my own since I drink it at home as well and me partaking in the company-provided snacks and drinks isn’t keeping anyone else from getting something.
On more than one occasion, coworkers have commented on my soda consumption, asking things like “What number is that?” etc. I usually brush it off, even though I hate it and actually find it quite rude.
Granted, I have a long-standing issue with questions like that because my dad is notorious of it, but I know of course others don’t know that and I can’t expect anyone to automatically know it’s a trigger of sorts. Prior to this, I did finally mention that I didn’t find humor in the comments and don’t like it. Short, sweet, and to the point.
A few weeks ago, I was at work in a common area eating a fruit roll up. A coworker kind of laughed then said to me, “How many of those have you eaten today?” Maybe I was already in a bad mood or something, but it was irritating and I was tired of it.
I turned to this coworker and said something along the lines of, “I don’t understand why it is any of your business. To me, commenting on what others eat is similar to commenting on their body and it isn’t appropriate.
I would never do that to you and I would appreciate if you would stop doing it to me.” She didn’t respond, she honestly looked ticked off or offended but I didn’t care. I moved on and mostly forgot about it.
Fast forward to last week, my manager pulled me aside and said I made the previously mentioned coworker cry. I explained the situation, and she said “they just care about you,” and “you could’ve said it nicer.”
I explained that I have said it nicer previously and the comments continued. I’m not in “trouble” or anything, but ultimately got pulled into my managers office for being a “mean girl” even though someone else was being insulting. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Tell your manager that your coworker is creating a hostile work environment by constantly criticizing your food consumption and trying to hide it by claiming it was good intentions. She is not yoyr mommy or your personal trainer. And if she does it again, you will file a complaint with HR. Then she really will have something to cry about.
NTA Only women are told, “you could have said it nicer.”.
People who don’t drink soda can be very judgy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had comments like “it’s too early to drink (Diet Coke)” or “anyone who drinks soda in the morning is addicted.” Why is coffee ok in the AM., but soda isn’t? It’s just a caffeine fix in a different beverage.
goodbyeartist (OP)
This. I never comment on anyone’s coffee or energy drink consumption (or anything else) and I haven’t heard anyone else do that either… why is it different?
NTA
"I cried therefore I’m the victim."
This is the logic of my 2 year old nephew.
No adult should entertain this… maybe next time someone says something you should break out in big crocodile tears and run straight to HR. They want to play games? Two can play.
Just to make it absolutely clear - you are well within your right to not have to listen to snide comments about your food choices in the workplace. The only exception is microwaving fish. Eating a fruit roll up does not affect the other person in any way so they should have no opinion about it.
NTA. I am the type I would go to HR quick fast and in a hurry. It’s is super inappropriate to comment on anyone’s food consumption or body in any way. Super weird.
And they never do it because they care. That is an enormous fallacy. They're doing it because they like pointing out what you do differently than they do , and they want to feel better better about their own choices.
NTA That was completely inappropriate of her, and the only reason you’re being villainized is because she cried. Sometimes, people cry because they realize they’ve done something hurtful. It does not make you wrong for triggering that realization.
It never fails to amaze me that the people who criticize others - even if they’re trying to frame it as “joking” - are invariably the same people who get their shorts in a twist when called out on their crappy behaviour. Only then are they concerned about “saying things in a nicer way.” They can dish it but not take it.
NTA. Your coworkers who do this suck, especially since you have asked them before to stop. And your manager sucks for trying to make you the problem, when her response should have been to tell your coworker to knock it off.
NTA Tell your manager that their comments on your food intake make you feel extremely uncomfortable in your work environment and that it feels hostile. BS like this sets me off.
When I was first in the workplace I let my coworkers talk to me like that. Once they commented on the fact I was drinking a diet soda instead of a regular. Saying it wasn’t going to help me. They are being the mean girls.
NTA. Your coworker is out of line. As long as you aren’t eating exponentially more snacks than the other employees and causing items to run out quickly, no one has any business commenting on your snack intake. It’s not like you’re eating ¾ of a party sub.