'AITA for telling my baby’s father that I didn’t want him bringing his other child?'

"AITA for telling my baby’s father that I didn’t want him bringing his other child?"

So I (26F) have a toddler with my ex. Our co-parenting has been rocky from the start because he’s extremely inconsistent. He’ll go months without seeing her, then suddenly want to be involved, then disappear again.

For almost two years it’s basically just been me doing everything alone. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant he decided to get his new girlfriend pregnant because she was upset that he was having a baby with me.

Recently, after not seeing the baby for months, he asked if he could come to her daycare field trip to see her for about 1–2 hours. I agreed because I genuinely want her to have a relationship with her dad if he’s going to show up consistently and not just when it’s convenient.

But then, last minute, he said he wanted to bring his younger child with him due to conveniently no longer having a babysitter, we’re four days out from the field trip btw. I told him I didn’t think it was appropriate for him to bring another child not because anything is wrong with the other kid, but because this visit should be about reconnecting with the baby, especially since he’s been absent.

It’s already a limited amount of time, and a daycare environment with multiple kids is chaotic enough. Adding his other child feels like yet another distraction that takes the focus off rebuilding that bond. Not to mention, my daughter is never included in plans with his other child.

There was a huge fight to have the new child at her first birthday party and I agreed for the peace he ended up spending the entire party, consoling the baby and left early…for the babies’s first birthday, our child was not invited. There has been consistent plans made on holidays that do not include our child.

He gets one on one time with the other child 24/7 and as I said before, doesn’t see our child consistently at all. I’m just trying to set boundaries that make sense and protect our child emotionally. Now I’m wondering if I handled it wrong. AITA for not saying yes to his other child attending?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

catsmagic-3 said:

Coming from a preschool teacher and former day care owner, her daycare or preschool may not allow a different child to come along on the field trip if it were a sibling that lived in the home it wouldn’t be a problem but for it to be a half sibling that is never around it could be a problem.

mybad61 said:

NTA. He needs to spend time with his daughter 1 on 1 to develop a relationship. Until he understands this, I would not encourage a relationship. Please set this boundary.

SomewhatBougieAuntie said:

NTA. It appears that your child with your ex is not a priority for him. The fact that he got his girlfriend pregnant because she was jealous of his child that was not evevn born yet tells you all you need to know.

If he continues to be inconsistent, just let it go and file for child support if you haven't already. Him darting in and out of your daughter's life and constantly breaking promises to her, alongside the obvious favoritism for his second daughter, can do irreparable damage. It's best she not be exposed to him at all.

Alive_Revenue_4212 said:

NTA for the field trip thing, but you're TA for allowing this man to come in and out of your daughter's life. You both deserve consistency and stability and it seems he has repeatedly shown you that he cannot provide that.

inkmetalandlace said:

YTA. Not for the reason you asked though. Likely school/insurance won't allow the sibling to come. You're YTA for all the latitude you consistently give this deadbeat though, this is not modeling healthy relationships for your child.

Last-Butterscotch-68 said:

Deadbeat. NTA. Right or wrong you’re never going to be the A for being the only parent prioritizing your child. But compromising reasonable boundaries for the bare minimum is desperate.

You can’t make him a good father no matter how much you want it. Indulging his BS just gives him space to hurt your child, they’ll internalize his behavior as rejection and at this age of development likely blame themselves.

Accepting scraps of attention just teaches your child this is all they are worth. You both deserve better. You are shouldering this burden alone so keep your chin up and head high, your kid is lucky to have you, don’t tarnish the great example you are by meeting this pathetic excuse of a man halfway to hell.