'AITA for telling my best friend I will NEVER give birth to his child?'
"AITA for telling my best friend I will NEVER give birth to his child?"
Poufsshaila
I’ve known this friend, let’s call him Jared (30m), since we were in school. We did everything together and were inseparable, I was even the first person he came out to, and we’ve always supported each other.
When we were 15 he tell me for the first time that he want me to give birth to his child with his future husband, because he, being a man, could never get pregnant. At the time I told him no, because I had recently watched a series were a woman give birth the triplets of his brother and became depressed afterward.
I’ve always been a sensitive person and suffer from anxiety and depression, because of childhood trauma. So even at that age I was aware that I couldn’t go trough something like that. But he got mad and didn’t talk to me for two days.
Then we went back to talking normally, but every now and then, he would bring the topic again, getting angry every time I told him I would never do that for anyone, even if he paid me. I explained to him a thousand times, but he didn’t seem to understand.
Until eventually, he stopped mentioning it and I though he had finally matured and understood me. But this year his boyfriend proposed to him and during a dinner with friends he asked me again. They said they would paid me well and that if I needed therapy, they will cover that expenses too.
But I got angry and told him that I would NEVER give birth to his child, and that I didn’t understand why he keeps insisting, that if he was so willing to compensate me well financially, he should save that money and pay a woman willing to do it. But as always, he get mad at me and leave the restaurant with his boyfriend following him.
Most of my friends, women to be more precise, are on my side and agree that it’s uncomfortable that he keeps insisting, while other friends from the community think I’m overreacting and that it would be a nice thing to do.
Most of my friends are on my side, but they think we should meet to talk about this more calmly. But what bothers me the most it’s that he is being like this for years, and I always have to seek him out or wait for him to approach me again.
I appreciate him a lot because we’ve been friends for so long, 15 years, but I’m tired of this pointless argument and him getting mad at me for deciding about my body. He always says he want me to give birth his child because I’m the person he trust most in the world, but I really don’t want to do it. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose him.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
badbrother420
He wants you to carry his child because he trusts you so much, then why doesn't he trust you when you say it will never happen? NTA and frankly I would consider breaking off this friendship. Just because he's gay doesn't make the idea of laying claim to your womb any less creepy.
Can you imagine this in a straight scenario? A man telling a woman over and over that he's not even dating that they will carry his child? At the very least, I'd call it like I see it. "Stop fantasizing about using my body to fulfill your desires."
hiimlauralee
15 years OP has said no - 15 years "friend" ignores her. Not a friend at all.
jasperjamboree
It sounds like Jared is only friends with OP because she has a uterus. Since he has no limit for disrespecting your boundaries, he’ll also expect to have control over every aspect of your life, from your schedule to diet if you carry his child.
He’ll probably also get you to cave in and care for the child so he and his partner can have alone time or go on vacations. Ghost him like he ghosts you when he doesn’t get what he wants. NTA.
Weird_Inevitable8427
Meet about it? To discuss your personhood calmly???? WHY THE F SHOULD YOU CALMLY DISCUSS YOUR RIGHTS OVER YOUR OWN BODY? What the hell is going on here? NTA. The misogyny in the gay male community is beyond the pale sometimes.
Exact-Replacement418
It’s not “a nice thing to do”, it’s a very invasive thing happening to your body and mind that will change you forever. Nothing will ever be the same after and not everyone can handle that. I think you’re very mature for knowing you would not. NTA. He is a massive AH though. If he has the money he can pay a surrogate who is willing. It’s very rude to demand this of a so called friend.
Late-Champion8678
NTA. I would distance myself from him. It’s been 15 years. Don’t let the fact that he is a gay man fool you into thinking he can’t also be misogynistic - he views you purely as a ‘receptacle’ (🤮) for his future children. This is so gross and insulting. He. Does. Not. Have . Any. Right. To. YOUR. Womb.
JuliaX1984
Why does NO character in ANY surrogacy story EVER know that a woman needs to have successfully given birth already in order to be a surrogate?
BriefHorror
NTA he isn't your friend. He's literally stayed friends with you to use you as a vessel for his kid. Its also wild that people I would assume are fully for your body your choice are shaming you for not wanting to carry a kid? Nice thing to do?
That is a top tier gift!! What the heck? Choosing to put your body through that on purpose for other people is so far past a nice thing to do that I'm offended that they chose that to describe it. They don't even care about your mental health.