'AITA for telling my BF that now is NOT the time to get a new tattoo?' 'It caused a FULL BLOWN 2 hour argument.'

"AITA for telling my boyfriend now is not the time to get a new tattoo?"

I (27f) have been with my partner for 3 years (40m) and this evening has brought on an argument. For the last year we have been struggling financially after leaving my job due to severe depression issues and finding a new one that pays slightly less.

We share an account and any extra tip money I get as a bartender still ends up going towards things we or our animals need (gas/groceries/pet supplies/money for laundromat). Tonight he drops on me he put a deposit on a tattoo after a week ago getting a raise that boost him maybe $400 a month.

We are usually late on rent or stressing to make rent and other things are faltering to make sure it happens on time. And constantly going in the negative usually every other week about $300-$400 due to his own loans and credit card payments. I usually and have been behind a month or two on my car note for about 6 months and usually have to ask my dad to borrow money.

He drops this on me this evening and that he made the appointment for this next week just on a whim. And mind you I don’t tell him he couldn’t, I did however vocalize that it was very selfish to prioritize his own want over our financial needs when we are coming up on one of those weeks where we usually go in the negative.

We have a $300 electric payment, $500 car payment, a $200 phone payment, along with some of those smaller bills. But he chose to not communicate and talk through that decision first before committing to it. And when I expressed this, he told me "too bad I’m allowed to treat myself, I work my butt off."

I feel bad even spending a little extra on myself without talking to him first about it. And it caused a full-blown 2 hour argument bringing up topics that weren’t even a part of the topic and that he’s not coming home because of it and not wanting to come in and get into it with me.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

benlogna said:

Dude you are dating a 40-year-old baby man. It’s disgusting to be that selfish at that age. Leave him and find someone that doesn’t hold you back.

Competitive_Bad4537 said:

NTA, but why are you with someone that age who can't manage his finances?

FiddleStyxxxx said:

NTA. Ask your dad if you can come live with him and help him out with some of his bills. Stop paying this 40 year old man's credit card bills and run.

Consistent-Leopard71 said:

ESH. Why have you continued to share finances with this man? Get an individual bank account to which he does not have access and pay only your (individual) bills and 50% of any shared bills.

He is financially irresponsible and selfish. If you're regularly going into the negative and having to borrow money from your father due to his choices, this relationship is untenable. You really need to rethink the whole thing.

Flat-Replacement4828 said:

ESH. If he is financially irresponsible, then so is the decision to share an account with him.

lihzee said:

He works 70 hours a week sometimes and your financial situation is still this bad? Oof. No, you're NTA. He is being irresponsible and selfish.