'AITA for telling my BIL he needs to book a hotel when he and my sister were staying at my house?'

"AITA for telling my BIL he needs to book a hotel when he and my sister were staying at my house?"

My sister and her husband live across the country and decided they wanted to come visit. I live in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom and I set up a bed in my home office because they wanted to stay at my house. They had been here for 4 days.

The bathroom has been a big problem. He spends hours in there. After the first day, I talked to my sister about it. She says he has a condition where he needs the bathroom a lot. So I let it rest. On day 3, it was even worse. There was a time where I had to excuse myself to go to the store so I could use the bathroom twice because he wouldn’t leave.

The last day i woke up at 4am and had to use the bathroom very badly. I knocked on the door and he said he’d be out in a minute. I told him I really had to go. It took him an hour to get out. The nearby store wasn’t open at that time and I had to do something I am not happy I had to do because I couldn’t wait.

The next morning I told him he needs to get a hotel. I can’t be blocked from using the bathroom in my own home because he takes it hostage. I get he has a condition, but so do I. And I make sure I have my own bathroom when I travel so I don’t get in the way of other people needing the bathroom.

My sister and her BIL were very upset and called me ableist. I told them what I had to do last night because he was in the bathroom for so long and they said I could’ve held it. I told them they need to leave and find a hotel or stay with other family, he just can’t stay here anymore. AITA for telling my sister and BIL they need to get a hotel when the plan was for them to stay with me for a week?​​​​​​

The internet had a lot to say in response.

BlondDee1970 wrote:

NTA. If someone needs to take up that much time in the bathroom they 100% should be getting their own accommodations so they have a private bathroom. Forcing you to go to the store is insane. If BIL really needs that much bathroom time (and not just scrolling) the sister never should have asked to stay knowing it’s a one bath house.

OP responded:

I have IBS and sometimes need the bathroom a lot and that’s why I always get a hotel or only stay at someone’s house if there is more than one bathroom. But unless it’s impossible, I get a hotel.

personofpaper wrote:

NTA. Multiple hours at a time for one bowel movement? For multiple days in a row? Does he have a job? I don't understand how someone could function in daily life if they require multiple hours long bathroom breaks.

He would need to call ahead everywhere to check on the availability of bathrooms. The number of bathrooms you have should've been his first and top priority when finding a place to stay. Or, he's an AH who is watching p#$n while you pee in the sink or whatever you did.

OP responded:

When we were out places, he has never taken over a bathroom like that. Maybe 20 minutes, but nothing like this. And I get 20 minutes, I’ve been there many times. But more than that? I can’t imagine doing it.

TDonBelle wrote:

IBS and Crohn‘s run rampant in my family and not a single one stays in the bathroom for that long. But you know who does stay in the bathroom that long? My dr3$gie sister in law.

bmd539 wrote:

NTA at all and BIL and sis should definitely get accommodation that fit their needs without causing their host, you, to suffer. That said, as I sit on my toilet into the 3rd or 4th hour, today, I want to share my experience for everyone doubting that anyone would need to be in the bathroom that long:

I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) 5 years ago. I tried every possible medication and nothing worked.

A year ago, I had surgery to remove my colon and rectum, to reshape and attach the end of my small intestine to my anus as a “pseudo-rectum,” and to make a temporary diverting ileostomy so that, for 6 months, my poop came out of my belly into an ostomy bag.

This allowed the new psuedorectum to heal and rest. Last December, I had surgery to undo the ileostomy and “reconnect” my plumbing such that I could poop out my butt again. It has been an incredibly difficult recovery.

My body rhythms has gotten to be so messed up that I was am on the toilet for 3-8 hours a day. Every time I stand up, more poop (insert Andy Dwyer Parks and Rec meme). Sometimes I could go lay down for 5-20 minutes, but I’d soon be too overwhelmed by pain and an urgent need to go and rush back to the toilet. There’s no stopping it or holding it.

And yes there is definitely a psychological component. For the majority of the last 5 years, from the time I feel the urge to poop to having poop coming out of me involuntarily, I have not been able to “hold it” for more than 5 minutes at times and often not even for more than 30 seconds.

When you’ve desperately rushed to the toilet hundreds of times, soiled yourself dozens of times, and lived with constant discomfort and unease and always wondering, “Will I make it,” the toilet and bathroom start to become one of the only places you feel free of the risk of embarrassment and humiliation and public suffering.

It can be hard to risk leaving, even when your body finally allows it. In other words, there are good reasons why someone with a medical history like me, or with different conditions but similar surgery, would need to be on the toilet for so long and not really have another viable option.

But yeah, NTA at all. Everything I said above is reason for BIL to plan for accommodations that provide constant access to a toilet whenever he needs it, if only so that he doesn’t end up pooping in a trash can in the guest room, much less keeping his BIL, ie you, from being able to access the toilet whenever you need it due to your medical condition.

That’s the part that doesn’t make any sense to me: he should have lot of empathy for your needs and know you can’t wait sometimes either. Him and sister getting a hotel room would be best for everyone.