'AITA for telling my BIL it’s his fault his daughter won’t talk to him?'

"AITA for telling my BIL it’s his fault his daughter won’t talk to him?"

My (32M) wife’s older brother (45M) has 3 kids, a 16 year old daughter from a previous marriage and two kids under 10 with his second wife. He cheated on his first wife with his second one and they obviously got divorced and he married his affair partner.

He somehow kept the house and he kicked his ex and their daughter out, he was a horrible father and never really cared about the girl so he didn’t even fight for custody her mother got full custody.

After his first daughter with his new wife was born, he suddenly woke up and decided to be a dad, so he took his ex back to court for custody, she got to keep primary custody while he got every other weekend and had to continue paying child support. His daughter hated him and his wife and never opened up to him.

She, however, was always closer to my wife and I. Eventually, when she was 14, they went back to court because she didn’t want anything to do with her dad, since she was old enough the judge gave her mom full custody. She went completely no contact with her dad and his new family afterwards, but she still loves my wife and sisters in law and her grandpa, none of us ever pushes her to talk to him.

Her 16th birthday was a couple of days ago and her mom invited all of us over for a birthday party at their place, her dad tried to get us to talk to her to make up between them, he came to our house and begged us...

I told him he did that to himself and only has himself to blame, he kept begging but we told him we wouldn’t betray her like that and we basically kicked him out, everyone else basically told him the exact same thing.

We had fun at the birthday party and she got a lot of presents and was really happy which was all that matters, her dad is still crying oh poor him, and is trying to guilt us into repairing their relationship.

He came back over last night and I just lost it at him, told him to get a grip and lay in the bed he made and that he only has himself to blame here, he actually started crying and left. My wife agrees with me but thinks I was too blunt and brutally honest with him, was I?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

mcmurrml said:

He did it himself. I guarantee you this girl is traumatized in being old enough to remember getting kicked out of the home with her mother. She probably saw her mom crying buckets and trying to be there for her daughter. I wonder if he and AP are having problems and now he wants to pretend to be dad now.

lilmsjackalope16 said:

NTA. It's exactly like you said - he made his bed & has to lie in it. Funny how he suddenly wants a relationship with his teenage daughter now that he has little ones - could he just be looking for a free babysitter? Either way, he is definitely the AH. He needed to hear what you said to him.

Worldly_Shirt_2278 said:

NTA. Tough love is the only way. Softening it somehow just enables people to think their actions are ok. Good for you, your family to protect his kid.

Apart-Ad-6518 said:

Totally 100% NTA. That situation warranted brutal honesty & you delivered it. Total kudos to you for that & being there for his daughter.

LolaSupreme19 said:

Everyone should be suspicious of older brother’s motives. He didn’t care about his older daughter until she was old enough to provide childcare for his younger children.

Now he wants to recruit her to pick up the slack for him and his new wife. Rightfully, his daughter wants no part of him. She has plenty in her life to focus on. Continue to support her. Her dad is a dud. NTA.

RawrRRitchie said:

The ONLY reason you feel guilty is because society grooms people to see men crying as week. He's suffering the consequences of his own actions. Nta. You did nothing wrong.