'AITA for telling my BIL’s wife about his inappropriate comments towards me?'

"AITA for telling my BIL’s wife his inappropriate comments towards me?"

TLDR at the end. I (F24) met my husband (M25) in university. Prior to getting married we rarely met his family, because they live in a small town, we only visited on special occasions. However, it was enough for me to gather that my husband’s brother Shaun (M32) is the family’s favorite.

His parents always gush about how Shaun was an athlete in school and is successful despite not going to college. He is a real estate agent and married his gf in high school. They have 2 boys together, a fancy car and own a big house.

Less than a year ago we got married and bought a modest home in his hometown (prices are crazy everywhere else in the country), we also thought it is a good idea to be closer to family. One night his parents invited us over for a potluck. I prepared a casserole which I had planned to finish baking in their oven. I was in the kitchen alone when Shaun walked in and said “damn, you cook as well?

How did my brother bag someone like you?”. I was rather taken aback by this and asked “what do you mean?”. He then said “well you look like one of those cam girls." At this point I was speechless, he added “what? It’s a compliment." I snapped back “it’s inappropriate” and left the kitchen.

He was standing in front of the door so I had to brush past him to get out, I think he tried to grab my arm but I was too shaken to be sure.

Afterwards I told my husband I felt sick and wanted to go home. At first he wanted to stay until after dinner but when he saw how pale I was he took me home. As we were leaving Kim (BIL’s wife) smirked and said “I hope you didn’t leave early because your dish failed”, I didn’t care, I just wanted to get out of there.

I told my husband on the way home about what happened in the kitchen. He was also shocked but said it sounded like something Shaun would say. I asked if I should tell Kim and he said he trust my judgment and support whatever I chose.

Well, I chose to tell Kim. She left me on “read” and I didn’t think much of it at the time. I thought she needed time. 2 days later she messaged me and said something along the lines of “I asked Shaun and his version is very different, you misinterpreted an innocent compliment.”

I told her “what about the cam girl comment? Is that innocent?” and she said he didn’t say anything like that, and was disappointed that I would over react and “make up” a story to sabotage their relationship, because I was jealous of their happy family (my husband and I have been trying for a baby unsuccessfully so far).

Kim then told his parents as well and now they all demand that I apologise to her and especially Shaun for being “oversensitive” and “overreacting”. Things have been tense since. I feel bad for my husband and I don’t want to alienate him from his family, we barely know anyone here in this bloody town. What does everyone think? AITA? Did I overreact? I’m thinking of just apologizing to smooth things over.

TLDR: family favorite’s BIL told me I look like a cam girl. I told his wife, his wife said I lied because I’m jealous of them and wanted me to apologize.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 said:

Girl you need to stand up for yourself. When he acts or says something like that yell “what did you just say? Repeat it! Why don’t you repeat it for your wife!”

OP responded:

I did a chuckle imagining myself back in that kitchen just yelling out “THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME I LOOK LIKE AN ACTRESS” while everyone was outside

sweeetmichelle said:

NTA. Shaun's comments were gross and inappropriate. You did the right thing telling your husband and Kim. Her reaction stinks, but don't apologize for being harassed. Maybe talk to your husband about a couples' counselor to navigate this mess with his family. You deserve to feel safe.

Dystopian_wonderland said:

NTA: put it into perspective for them, the parents might not understand what he meant by cam girl: “I’m sorry I was raised to believe that being called an adult film actress by your brother in law is disrespectful , it’s none of my business what he watches in his spare time but I don’t wish to be fetishized like that by my family”

OP responded:

I think you put into words as to why I felt soooo gross about that comment, even though we are not related by blood we are still “family” by extension, I had Christmas parties with his wife and children FFS!

GingerPrince72 said:

NTA. Husband needs to stand up for you and also avoid these toxic muppets.

abgry_krakow87 said:

NTA and I guarantee they're not a "happy family" with how much she projects. I would bet money he is cheating on her something fierce.

Novel-Education3789 said:

What boggles my mind in situations like these where everyone says the person "misinterpreted" is why would that person make something like that up? They went over there to have a nice meal with their family.

Unless you're completely off the ledge and a sociopathic egomaniac, "Accusing BIL of saying I look like a cam girl" is just not on the bingo card of things you think might happen in that kind of scenario, so how would they even dream it up? I don't get it. Also, what could she have misheard cam girl as? Spam Whirl? Not much better...and also probably on OF...

And OP responded:

At this point it’s my words against his so I think she is convinced I am delusional and made shit up, the whole convo was very awkward tbh