'AITA for not telling my boyfriend I could understand his language this whole time?' UPDATED
"AITA for not telling my boyfriend I could understand his language this whole time?"
I (18F), have been with my boyfriend (19M) for 2 years now. This all started when we first met 3 years ago. I was new at our high school and he introduced me to his friend group, which had mostly french speakers.
I’ve never been confident with my french speaking due to insecurity about my accent, but I can understand the language perfectly, I was just too embarrassed to let them know because I was scared they’d ask me to try speak french with them.
I got really close with the friend group, and my boyfriend and I got together after one year of speaking. My not speaking French had never been a problem because he would speak English around me and always made sure his friends did the same, and it went on for so long than I just didn’t have the heart to tell him that I could understand them anyways.
The problem started in uni. We both got a house off campus together, but my boyfriend was always coming back really late. I had convinced myself that he was probably occupied with uni stuff, but the other night I overheard him talking on the phone to one of his French friends about how he’d hooked up with 3 different girls at the same time and I was completely baffled.
I confronted him, but instead of being apologetic, he got mad that I could actually understand what he was saying. I tried to come up with an excuse and say I managed to pick up the language after all the time we’ve been together but he doesn’t believe me since he never speaks french around me and he said he can’t trust me anymore.
He’s staying at a friends house right now and I don’t know if i’m at fault here for not telling him I understand french or if the real problem is him cheating…AITA, and if yes, what do I do?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BungCrosby said:
He’s absolutely double f'd. Not only was he fucking cheating on you, but he was flaunting doing so in front of you in a language he didn’t know you understood. You are NTA.
Flirty_katrina said:
It's so unfair that he's trying to twist this to make it your fault. You deserve way better than that kind of treatment.
Hottie_HollyBaby said:
Girl. He's trying to deflect from his cheating by making it about your French skills. Don't fall for it! You deserve someone who's honest and faithful, not someone who blames you for their own mistakes.
AtheneSchmidt said:
He can't trust you? NTA, please make the split permanent.
Such_Manner_5518 said:
Dump him in French.
forever_single_now said:
NTA. Was certainly a bad move to hide it from your bf. But don’t let him gaslight you. Yes you were wrong. Period. Topic closed. Now let’s address the elephant in the room. He cheated…just dump him.
He will by any means try to guilt trip you. Of course he will stick to the language but it’s up to you to just keep him out of your life and keep focused. The issue is the cheating not any bs he might try to deflect your attention into.
Wanderer-2609 said:
Him cheating is the real problem. Break up with him. “Why did you break up." “She didn’t tell me she could speak French and heard me bragging about how I cheated on her with 3 girls." NTA. A footnote in your life.
Later OP came back with these edits:
[edit] i’ve posted my first and probably last update, but thanks for all the advice.
[2nd edit] you lot that are being horrible to me in my dms are going to make me go mental. obviously i’m upset about my boyfriend cheating and obviously i know he’s an ar^&%ole. I wasn’t asking if he was, i just wanted to know if i was ALSO the ar&^%ole ffs. stop calling me slow, the slow ones are the bellends who think i’m not aware that my boyfriend cheating on me is bad.
and to everyone saying “fake” the only fake thing here is your relationship with your parents. please find happiness and get away from mine. sorry if i’ve been a bit rude im just upset about this entire situation.
The next day OP came back with this update:
Hey everyone, sorry idk how to use this app properly so I just want to clear up a few things.
1. I didn’t glaze over him cheating like it was nothing, obviously it’s a big deal he just didn’t give me a chance to even confront him before he started crashing out then left. And for everyone calling me stupid, obviously I know cheating is bad, I just thought I might also be in the wrong for withholding the truth for so long
2. For everyone asking why I hid my french for so long, i’ve been taking speaking lessons to improve (not for the whole time we’ve been together just more recently) and I wanted to surprise him when my accent was a lot better
3. I do not live in a country where people speak mostly french lol i’m literally in the UK, I just happened to meet a french friend group so me not having a good accent is not much of a surprise, have you heard people in the UK try to speak french? It’s painful lmao.
4. I only understand the language because I used to consume a lot of french media when I was younger, even now I don’t know all the new slang and verlan they use but I understand enough to respond in english after being spoken to in french.
5. Cheers for letting me know what DARVO is, i’d never heard of it before so it’s nice to be educated
anyways after going through your comments and dms (sorry for only responding to the dms there were too many comments) i’ve decided to just break up with him when i see him tomorrow. it’s a sad way to end such a long relationship but what can be done :’). hope everyone has a great day
I don’t think i’ll update anymore cause I doubt anything major is going to happen once I break up with him, so thanks for all the advice.
[edit] everyone coming at me for not knowing how to use this site can sod off. I made this account ages ago to figure out what was wrong with my sims 4 mods and my macbook so i’m not on it 24/7, so it’s not surprising that idk how it works.
I literally had to search up how to make an update so everyone getting at me needs to find some joy in their life and stop trying to suck out the little i have left because of my failed relationship.