Frustrated man asks, 'AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop eating so much?'
"AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop eating so much?"
Ok-Background8236
So some backstory. During my [28M] undergrad years, my parents paid for my grocery bills because they really (rightfully so) believed that good food is important to a students health. (I know, my parents are awesome).
They never set a monthly limit to how much I could spend, but I was really frugal and never went over a $200 limit I imposed on myself. Now I’m back in grad school for my masters, and my parents are covering again.
I know, I’m an adult with a few years of work under my belt now, but not having to worry about groceries lets me chip at rent and loans and other bills without losing sleep. I’m back on my extremely frugal way of eating and meal planning because still not gonna take advantage of my parents generosity.
My [27M] boyfriend, however, basically inhales all my food every time he’s over. Like eating all my snacks and legit every frozen meal, all the meat, one time he even ate the other half of a cheese I had already bit into(?!), etc, so he’s basically wolfing down my dinner and lunch.
It’s forced me to open my own wallet to accommodate him (because not gonna send my parents a suddenly huge grocery bill) and he’s seriously messing up my finances (I plan basically down to the dollar).
We got into arguments and his side is : basically that my parents are gonna cover anyway so I need to stop spending my own money and not worry so much. And when I go over to his house I eat his food too (but I don’t eat as much as he does?)
My arguments are: just because my parents are covering doesn’t mean he can eat anything he wants? He legit eats my whole fridge I’m not even joking. The only thing he leaves are the vegetables. And he could eat less? When we go out he often has leftovers so why eat everything at my place?
I’ve banned him from cooking and using the raw ingredients at my place and I’m only giving him my small stash of snacks when he comes over and after the third time he’s not talking to me. Honestly this is such a stupid fight but if aita then I’ll apologize.
Edit:
wow this blew up. Spent my morning thinking this over lol. But here’s some updates.
First off, I am a guy. Jesus I’ve gotten like at least five dms from sleazy dudes telling me they’ll treat me better and calling me weird pet names (had one guy say “hey babygirl” which just made me laugh) and all of their profiles are gross and misogynistic.
Being a woman sounds exhausting (shout out to the ladies you guys are strong af). But yeah, I’m a gay dude. Some people are worried about the $200 a month, that was ten years ago when I was in undergrad, sorry for the confusion.
It’s closer to $300-400 now, and some months when I get my school’s student food bank (I only go if they have too much because I know there’s people that actually need it) and it’s like $0-100 So I guess it’s $250-350 Average?
But yeah, I’m doing alright. I didn’t mention this but I did cover part of my parents mortgage when I was working after my bachelor’s (some people made comments about me leeching off my parents - I am right now but I did help them too….)
My parents are angels and they know my friends’ birthdays and always tell me to take them out during those months so they’re ok with paying for my boyfriend but I’m not.
Even during undergrad when I dated another guy I thought I wanted to one day marry I never used their money on him. I don’t use their money on anyone but myself. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. But honestly I don’t really care.
Lots of people are telling me to dump him. Honestly the spark wasn’t there anymore for a while because we’ve been fighting over this and some other stuff for months and a lot of people are telling me this is a respect issue more than a stupid fight like I thought.
I’m gonna think about how to approach this since he’s just ignoring me now lol. But yeah, think letting this relationship go might be the right move. I think I knew already knew, but sometimes it’s hard even if you know it’s the right thing to do, y’know?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
ocean_lei
Just start with “I am really grateful my parents are helping me and I am not going to abuse that. I dont want this to be a big deal and I want you to be able to eat enough while you are over, but I am spending about $ more per week over when it is just me and I would like you to contribute with funds or grocery shopping.
That increased cost for groceries at mine Includes when I eat at yours so that should be fair. Can you help me out because I really cant afford spending that much. (and think of an if not…more time at his place eating more meals?)
The OP responded here:
Ok-Background8236
Thanks. This is exactly how I feel just didn’t know how to express it verbally.
South_Butterscotch37
“My parents agreed to cover groceries for me, not me and you”
Choice_Werewolf1259
Can’t upvote this enough. If he’s literally eating his whole fridge he’s willfully taking advantage of OP and his parents. If the behavior doesn’t stop then I would personally end things.
Since it speaks to a flaw in his character that he feels so entitled to my parents money and contribution to my education. But that would be how I would handle it. Not sure where OP stands on things.
FungalEgoDeath
I'd be very concerned about his lack of respect or understanding for the fact you're not taking the piss out of your parents generosity. That's really not a great sign of a person with integrity.