'AITA for telling my brother and SIL that they shouldn’t have asked me to announce their pregnancy at my birthday dinner?'
"AITA for telling my brother and SIL that they shouldn’t have asked me to announce their pregnancy at my birthday dinner?"
CannotOpenDocument
My birthday dinner was supposed to be tonight. It was supposed to be a family dinner at a restaurant to celebrate my 30th. This was going to be my main celebration, because I don’t have a party planned.
This afternoon, my brother & SIL called me to tell me that they were pregnant. I was ecstatic for them & asked them all the usual questions. Then they asked me if I would be okay with them telling my parents at my birthday dinner tonight.
They said that my SIL had been very sick, which I empathize with, and wouldn’t be drinking, so it would be easier to tell them. But if I said no, then they would tell them at another event (that’s about them) in a few weeks. I said I’d have to think about it & would call them back.
I was upset they even asked me if it was okay & put me in that position. There have been issues at most of my recent birthdays, my uni grad was ruined by COVID. I’m not inclined to marry & have kids. 30 is a big birthday & probably the last major event for me before I hit 40.
I called & told them I would prefer they didn’t tell our parents at my dinner. They were understanding. But when I said that I felt like they’d put me in a difficult spot & really shouldn’t have asked in the first place, they were defensive and angry.
They implied that I should feel grateful that they were considerate enough to ask me in the first place. My SIL yelled at me a bit. The call ended badly & I was more upset than I was in the first place.
This put me in a really bad mood & trying to pretend to be upbeat while at dinner with them was not appealing, so I contacted my parents to postpone the dinner. They wanted to know why, which I couldn’t tell them, & let me know there would be a substantial fee for canceling.
They were frustrated because I wouldn’t tell them why I was upset. I said I’d call the restaurant and sort it out, which I did. I then called up my brother & asked just to speak to him. I told him how I felt, & asked him if he would even consider asking someone that if it was their engagement dinner?
He paused for a long time & said that he would if there were mitigating circumstances, such as his wife being ill. I said that it clearly wasn’t that mitigating if they were happy to wait for the other event to announce it, if I’d said no.
I also said that I don’t understand why it had to be tonight, if they really wanted to tell our parents, why not organize to tell them tomorrow? He couldn’t really give me a straight answer, but said that they weren’t expecting me to be upset about asking.
I said I understood they were surprised, but they yelled at me, didn’t apologize and dinner is ruined anyway, for which he did apologize. Because of my brother’s work, we can’t do the dinner until well after my actual birthday now, so now the whole thing feels redundant. I feel like I could be TA because everyone blames me for dinner being canceled & the conflict in the first place.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Tough_Crazy_8362
Ehhh they asked in advance, no harm no foul. They accepted your decision, but you made this into a huge issue when it was not. Literally nothing. We always say, what’s the harm in asking, the worst they can say is no. Is saying no so intensely difficult that you let this query ruin your birthday? YTA.
Silent_Meet_4732
Why aren’t more people saying this? OP sounds a bit bratty turning this into a big thing and inconveniencing the other guests OP could have been the main event and announced the baby news after dessert YTA but not a massive one.
haleorshine
If them even asking is enough to ruin OP's mood to the point that they canceled dinner, something was probably going to ruin their dinner, because they can't act like an adult. Like, this is some teenage behaviour, not 30 year old behaviour.
I've shared my birthday basically forever, because of family members being born around the same time. As an adult, you get over it. Canceling dinner and calling the brother to blame him, when all OP needed to do was just say no and move on shows a sincere lack of maturity.
chasingkaty
ESH. Your brother and sister in law shouldn't have blown up at you when you said their request upset you. BUT they did ask you first and seemed okay with postponing the announcement. You sound like you are 12, not coming up for 30. It’s a meal, who cares? The birthday princess thing is for tweens.
CannotOpenDocument (OP)
That’s fair. Birthdays have always been important in our family, especially ‘milestone’ birthdays, but I understand that you feel that my reaction was out of proportion, I get that.
Striking-General-613
YTA, if they had just announced it at your birthday dinner, then you could have been rightfully upset, but they asked and accepted your no. But you way overreacted and then had to make a big production about canceling your dinner, which probably inconvenienced everyone else. And now you are pouting and dragging out the drama. You sound exhausting and need to grow up.
chuckieegg007
YTA. Wow. Fair enough if you didn’t want them to announce it at your birthday but throwing an almighty strop is ridiculous. The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.