"AITA for telling my brother he needs to find new childcare?"
AITA for telling my brother he needs to find his own childcare for his kids. I 28F have been babysitting my brother 25M boys since his oldest was born (almost 4 now). I switched my work schedule to be able watch the boys after my overnight shifts and to better help him so he and his wife can still work.
All was well for a bit until they decided to have a second kid and I was getting super burnt out with hardly any sleep as sometimes they wouldn’t get home until 4-5pm and I had to be up for work by 8pm leaving me 3-4hrs of sleep a night.
I tried to set boundaries but ultimately caved to their pressure along with my parents on their side. There solution was I come home nap then go over to watch the boys before going home to sleep some more (5-6hrs a day) for $100 a month to watch both boys, and I gave them a 2 year timeline and told them if they had a third child I would be done watching them.
Well recently, I lost my job and I’ve been out of a job for almost two months, I’ve been applying for full time and part time work for all shift/hours and I finally got hired. The issue is I have 2 days of orientation this month and I don’t start part time day shift until the end of April, maybe end of May.
I told my brother and his wife I’d have orientation for 2 days this month and went to remind them again yesterday only for everything to blow up. I was basically told I’m a major screwp up and disappointment that needs to grow up because when our parents pass he’s not going to keep bailing me out or helping me like I do, and that no one will be able to take those two days off and I have to watch the boys.
Plus, he claims I never told him it was a day shift job because that won’t work for him and screws everyone else over, meaning they won’t have someone to watch the boys.
After a lot of tears on my part and arguing I told him I can’t pass up a job that’s willing to pay when I have no other job prospects at the moment and that I will be going to the orientation those two days this month and he has until the end of April to find alternate childcare.
Now neither he or his wife will talk to me, other than to ask when the baby last had a bottle when walking in the door because they now have to figure out childcare, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CatDog4565 wrote:
NTA. You have to take care of yourself.
Did I read correctly that they only pay you $100/month to watch 2 kids?? That's insanely cheap. Also, how exactly is he continually bailing you out? Snag the job and don't look back. Congrats on the new gig.
OP responded:
He’s referencing the fact that I rent from our parents and they haven’t let me pay them rent until I get a new job, so he’s saying when they pass he won’t help/bail me out like they have been for me while I was job searching, not that I’ve EVER asked him for help like that nor have I ever needed help like this before.
Yeah $100 a month for both boys, mind you it’s only 5-6hrs a day not a full day as my mom gets their earlier than I do to watch them until she has to get to work, then I go over and watch them until their parents get off work.
nanamoo2008 wrote:
NTA. They aren't your kids, they are his & his wife's kids. THEY should be the ones to look after them or pay for their care while they work. Brother is an entitled AH and so are your parents if they are siding with him.
OP responded:
My mom actually took the two days I need for orientation off and told my brother if he has anything more to say about me asking for just two days this month then she can stop bailing him out as well and stop watching the boys too.
Katcar2007 wrote:
JFC how could you possibly think you are in any way the AH when your entire entitled family are clearly the AHs? Why aren’t your parents watching the kids? This is one of the most absurd yet clear cut examples of NTA (unless, of course, you continue to let yourself be used).
OP responded:
My mom watches the boys from 4am-9am then I go over and watch the boys from 9am-3pm when they typically get home.
HilVis wrote:
First of all - NTA. OP the only one bailing someone out here is you. Daycare expenses would be thousands of dollars a month for two kids. You're giving him a HUGE discount/savings. They are angry as they know their gravy train is ending. Congratulations on the new job and enjoy your well-deserved sleep!
1RainbowUnicorn wrote:
NTA. They are taking advantage of you, and have been for years. They should be thankful for what you have done for them instead if acting entitled. Too bad if your day job "won't work for him" ... I've never heard someone sound so selfish. You have the right to have your own life. They need to deal with their own kids for once. I would stop babysitting immediately if they won't talk to you.
Moose-Live wrote:
NTA. Your brother seems to think you're his indentured employee and should be grateful for the pittance he pays you and the few hours of broken sleep you're getting. He and his wife made the decision to have kids. You have helped them out well beyond what any reasonable person would ask. (However, they're clearly not reasonable.)
When last did you do something for yourself? Sleep in? Go away for a weekend? Go to a concert or festival? Go on a date? Does your brother permit you to have friends? I would tell them that once you start your new job you will not be available at all for childcare, regardless of what shifts you're working or how much they offer you.
Comeback_321 wrote:
If he wants to pay you a full-time salary then sure. I can’t believe even for a second that anyone would agree to 3-4 hrs sleep. He’s NOT helping you. He’s using you. And when your parents are gone, you’d be better off without him.
Hon, you need to build yourself and your bank account so you never need that asshole. NTA. Put a contract together if you ever watch the kids again. It’s NO from here on out because whatever you do isn’t enough.