'AITA for telling my brother I’m not comfortable babysitting his kids anymore?'
"AITA for telling my brother I’m not comfortable babysitting his kids anymore?"
My brother has two kids, 6 and 4, and I live close by, so I’ve been babysitting a lot. It started as a favor here and there, then turned into most weekends. I didn’t hate it, but it’s stressful.
The older one ignores me, the younger cries if I leave the room, and once my brother came back almost two hours late without texting. When I mentioned it, he said “sorry” while already grabbing his keys. I stood there holding one of the kids’ shoes, not sure what to say.
Last weekend we were at my parents’ house, and my brother casually asked if I could take the kids again. I hesitated and said “maybe,” even though I didn’t want to. Later, while loading the dishwasher, he asked again.
I don’t know why I chose that moment, but I said, “I don’t think I’m comfortable babysitting anymore.” He froze, laughed like I was joking, then stopped when I didn’t laugh back.
The dishwasher started beeping and no one moved for a second. I said it was a lot and I didn’t like being responsible for them, which came out harsher than I meant. He said “okay” in a flat way and didn’t talk to me much after that.
The next day his wife texted saying they were hurt and thought I loved spending time with the kids. I do, but I also feel relieved not having it expected of me anymore. Now things feel awkward, and I keep replaying that moment in my head. So, AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You’re allowed to say no if you’re not comfortable and I applaud you for being honest.
Sometimes it best to be the aunt/uncle , and NOT the babysitter.
NTA-do they not like their own kids because why are you spending every weekend with them.
NTA. Occasionally helping them out is one thing, being expected to babysit their kids most weekends is being taking advantage of. Text her back and ask her why she is hurt because you do love spending time with them.
NTA. You sound like a genuinely kind and helpful person who stepped up a lot for them. But what started as a favor slowly became an expectation. Babysitting most weekends is a big commitment, especially when it’s stressful.
You’re allowed to set boundaries, even with family. You didn’t say you don’t love the kids, just that you’re not comfortable being responsible for them, and that’s completely reasonable. It probably surprised them because they’re used to you always saying yes, but that doesn’t make you wrong. Setting limits doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
NTA. If they wantedyou to spend time with the kids because the kids miss you, your brother and SIL would invite you to come over for lunch/dinner and hang out a little bit after. But what they actually want is time alone without kids, and they don’t want to pay for a babysitter.
They're not hurt because they think you don't like their kids, they're embarrassed that they took advantage of you so badly that you no longer want to help. Instead of acknowledging their bad behavior they'd rather turn it around on you using the classic DARVO technique. If you don't know what that is please look it up. NTA.
NTA - They were using you and are completely unbothered over the fact that you have a life too. Now they're gaslighting you, and be prepared, because they're going to tell the ENTIRE family who then will call & text about how selfish you are and how you're tearing the family apart because family helps family.
It's imperative that you say, *You're right and it's very generous of you to offer to babysit instead" to them all who live near you.
You love the kids but feel like you’re being taken for granted and you need to live your own life. Sometimes you just need to have your weekends to deal with your own issues.
NTA but maybe communicate better? Doesn't look like you have a dysfunctional/abusive family, like do many other stories here, so why burn the bridges? Talk to them, explain that it's a bit too much, that you'd still love to spend some time with the kids, but maybe less frequently -- define what makes sense for you. Once a month? Every 2 months?
And go over the challenges. It's their responsibility as parents to get the older one to listen to you, for example. Food for thought, good family relationships are so hard to come by.