'AITA for telling my brother that if he wants something done perfectly he can do it himself?'
"AITA for telling my brother that if he wants something done perfectly he can do it himself?"
My older brother is worried about my nephew(14). He’s concerned because my nephew hasn’t been reading many English books. He asked me if I could help. I thought about it for a while. My nephew’s an Arsenal fan, unlike all the other men in our family(all Aston Villa supporters).
So I got him Arsene Wenger’s autobiography and a couple of other books about the club. He has been reading them. But my brother said he wants him to read other, more serious books too. Literature, history and other subjects.
He has been calling me and asking if I could find better reads. I told him it’s better to let the kid start with reading about something he is interested in first and then finding other genres but my brother was still unhappy. Told me I’m not doing enough.
So I told him if he wants something done perfectly he can do it himself. He said he’s only trying to do what is best for his son and that there’s no need for me to talk to him like that.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Broken-Collagen wrote:
NTA. Absolutely nothing is as effective in getting a kid to hate reading as being forced into it. If he likes the books you have given him he will seek more, and probably branch out. Or he won't, but he'll still be reading, and enjoying it.
I am a voracious reader, and I love classics, and profound literature, and sociological examinations, and history, and I also love children's literature, trash biographies and garbage fiction.
The un-serious books give me the mental and emotional bandwidth to tackle the serious stuff. The outside world is too hard a place. Our inner lives need some softness, and joy. If your brother pushes his kid to only read serious things he is going to burn him out, permanently. On no planet is that what's best for him.
lilyandcarlos wrote:
I am a lit teacher (same as English teacher just in my language). You are right - if you have a kid/teen who you need to motivate to read, it is always best to base it on their interests. Other wise they only read a few pages and they see reading as boring and not something that can benefit them. Always use their curiosity as a motivation.
Then when they are used to reading books, you can push a little bit and find something with more substance. Reading in your spare time should be based on fun and interests - then let the School handle the serious stuff. Remember always at least 30 min. Of reading every day. (Cartoons and traffic novels also counts).
Sweetkisses_4u wrote:
NTA. You got your nephew reading by choosing books that match his interests.. that’s literally how kids build a love for reading. Jumping straight into “serious” literature would probably just turn him off. Your brother can’t dump all the responsibility on you and then complain; if he wants it done differently, he can do it himself.
waternymph77 wrote:
NTA there is no need for him to talk to you like that, so you responded in kind. He criticises your approach even though this is something he should be doing as a parent not delegating to you. It's a weird take to then dictate the curriculum like you are his paid tutor.
RegularFirefighter75 wrote:
NTA. He cannot even get his son to read at first and now that he's reading, he's complaining again about other things. You took time to know and find topics he's actually interested in so I think you did more than his dad. I don't know if your brother ever told you he's thankful for the books you already gave but I hope so.
Ok_Nothing_9733 wrote:
NTA. You’re doing a favor for a child that isn’t your own and for your brother, and further, it sounds like you’ve been intentional about reading choices and letting the kid self-direct what he’s interested in reading about. I have a masters degree in education and letting kids who are learning to read at higher levels choose their own subject matter is a great way to foster intrinsic motivation (natural drive) to read.
This helps it remain fun and engaging and not feel like a chore. You’re doing great, and your brother needs to be thankful and modify his expectations or pay someone to tutor who he can boss around.