'AITA for telling my brother’s fiancée she’s not welcome at my wedding?' 'I felt completely humiliated.'

"AITA for telling my brother’s fiancée she’s not welcome at my wedding?"

I (21F) am engaged to my fiancée (21M). We’ve been together since our first year of college and are planning our wedding for next spring. My older brother (28M) has been dating his girlfriend "Sally" (27F) for about a year and a half. We’ve never really been close, but I’ve always been polite because I know he likes her a lot.

Everything blew up at a family dinner last week when me and my fiancée were talking about wedding planning and how stressful it’s been, and my brother’s girlfriend kind of laughed and said something about how if we don't work out at least we'll get cute photos for Instagram out of it.

I just stared at her because wtf? Then she added how she doesn't get why we even need to get married so young when we "barely know who we are yet" and we should give it two more years.

Me and my fiancée have been dating for three years, our wedding isn't for another six months, and yeah, maybe we're young, but he's the most important person in my life. Not to mention my fiancée was right THERE. He went quiet and I felt completely humiliated.

Later that night I texted Sally saying she crossed a line and I don’t want her at my wedding if she’s going to say things like that about me and my fiancée. My brother blew up my phone saying I’m overreacting, that she was just being honest, and that I’m ruining the family dynamic by "banning” her.

Now my parents are split. My mom thinks I’m right to set boundaries, but my dad says excluding her will cause drama that overshadows the whole wedding. So now I’m stuck. My fiancée says he’ll support me either way, but I can tell he feels awkward about the whole thing.

He's also pretty introverted and he's the type to make others feel comfortable while neglecting himself, which I don't want him to feel like he has to do that for our own wedding. AITA for telling my brother’s fiancée she’s not welcome after the things she said?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

coastalkid92 said:

NTA. I'll preface my comment with the point that I don't think it's necessarily the right move for two very young adults to get married. But there is a way to discuss concerns about that which is respectful and treats the two individuals in that circumstance as adults.

Sally's comment was disrespectful, dismissive and she basically spoke to you and your fiance like you're a pair of children. It's completely fair to establish a boundary with Sally that if she cannot remain respectful and issue a thoughtful, genuine apology, then she cannot attend the wedding.

JudgeJudyScheindlin said:

YTA. You’re having such a strong reaction to this because she’s right. You can say “he’s the most important person in my life” all you want: you’re both very, very young and don’t know yourselves yet let alone each other.

Of course I know these statements will come with a slew of hate, but it’s true. Who you are today will not be who you are ten years from now. You’ve been together for three years: were those three years of independence where you both lived on your own and learned how to take care of yourself, or under your parent’s roof, or sharing a place?

And what’s the hurry to get married so quickly? If you love each other so much today, shouldn’t you love each other the same or more five years later? Perhaps the reason she said what she said is because you’re rushing into this and it is a trend where young couples get married for social media attention.

You see it all the time where girls get FOMO cause all their friends are getting engaged and married and they want it too. There’s most likely stuff missing from this post. I can’t imagine she would just say that completely out of the blue with no background. At the end of the day, you invite who you want to invite. You pay consequences either way.

k23_k23 said:

YTA. If you exclude her from your wedding, your brother won't come either. And you will lose any and all contact with your brother, and it will break up your family. No more family Christmas, no more thanksgiving. Never. not in the next 50 years. Your parents will have to decide every year: Will they have Christmas with you or your brother. And she is right: You are far too immature. Look at your tantrum.

Wild-Spare4672 said:

NTA but she’s right. 21 is way too young to get married.

riontach said:

Eh, personally I think you're overreacting to what is an annoying but really not that bad comment. It's your wedding, though. NTA, but be prepared that this most likely means your bother won't be at your wedding either.

Only-Breadfruit-6108 said:

You’re obviously way too young to get married, but that’s still your decision to make. It’s your life. You had an emotional reaction and said some things. It’s okay, we’ve all been there. You can basically choose here to show Sally that she’s wrong, or lose a brother. Whatever you decide is right for you will be the right thing to do. That’s how that works. NTA.