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'AITA for telling my cheating wife that I deserve a vacation with my girl best friend?'

'AITA for telling my cheating wife that I deserve a vacation with my girl best friend?'

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"AITA for telling my cheating wife that I deserve a vacation with my girl best friend?"

My wife and I have been married for more than 2 decades now. We have 2 children who’re 18 and both in college. A couple years ago, my wife admitted to cheating on me in a one night stand.

She said it was the worst mistake of her life and she really regretted it a lot. Our marriage was going through a lot of difficulties at the time, and we were even seriously considering divorce. However; I never expected my wife to betray me like that.

My wife had a lot of remorse, and was willing to do anything for reconciliation. While I did almost file for divorce, I decided not to and to give our family a chance. And to be honest, it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. Strangely enough, that incident which pushed our marriage to the brink also repaired our marriage.

While I did still occasionally have days where I just felt heartbroken and betrayed, those days were infrequent, because my wife pretty much did everything possible to show how much she loved me and our family.

I have also been friends with Vanessa since we were in kindergarten. Vanessa used to spend a lot of time over at my house, and she pretty much became my adopted sister.

Vanessa and I were really close and never once lost our friendship despite all the life changes we were going through. Vanessa was best woman at my wedding, I was man of honor at hers.

My wife initially was insecure of the friendship because she thought from her “woman senses” that Vanessa had feelings for me. However, after getting to know Vanessa, she realized that Vanessa was just my really close friend.

Now during the time my wife cheated on me, I did confide in Vanessa, and Vanessa recommended I take 3 weeks to take a breather, and then make my decision. That was a really great suggestion and saved my marriage. I told my wife about it, and my wife too was really grateful for Vanessa.

Fast forward to today, and both my kids are in college. Last month, Vanessa reached out to me and asked if we could take week long trip to our hometown where we would just visit our favorite childhood places.

It would be a road trip and we would just drive through the city, visit our high school, favorite parks, restaurants etc. To be honest, this suggestion really excited me because I was feeling a bit empty since my kids left to college.

I told my wife about it and I expected some push back. My wife unexpectedly was shocked and said this was a “romantic” trip I’m taking with my girl best friend and she was worried something would happen in this trip especially because Vanessa was divorced.

I told my wife there’s nothing romantic about this trip, and it’s just a trip two friends are taking down memory lane. I told my wife I would have never even considered this trip if she hadn’t cheated on me 2 years ago, but she has to allow this now.

I need a mental health break, and I still occasionally get feelings for betrayal from what my wife did 2 years ago. After a lot of discussions, my wife ultimately did agree to it and I was really happy about it. Was I the AH?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Yeah, you're punishing your wife. You admitted that at least half the reason you're going is to punish her, so...yikes. You clearly haven't forgiven her.

Telling me about revenge without actually telling me.

Tight-Shift5706

Exactly. OP, guy here. Your taking this trip is as selfish as your wife's one night stand; perhaps even more so since it's definitely premeditated and of a much longer duration. Oh, and let me guess---one room??? No offense, OP. You're a moronic AH. You're destroying what purportedly had been improvement in your marriage. Resentment will rule the day. Egads.

Given that your trip is contingent of your wife having had an affair, then you're the AH.

Cheating sux, but either move on and forgive her or divorce.

LazyFantazy89

Probably better for everyone involved if you just got divorced.

"I told my wife I would have never even considered this trip if she hadn’t cheated on me 2 years ago, but she has to allow this now."

Yeah, the desire for revenge means YTA and your marriage is over.

This is the problem with cheating, it irrevocably changes the marriage. In most cases people can never truly forgive even if they say they have, and that's not a bad thing, but it is a bad thing to have stayed married to her.

She broke your trust, no amount of excuses or apologies changes that, quit wasting your time and emotions and get out. Sounds like Vanessa has a thing for you anyways. So move on, let yourself be free from the pain.

Seems like wife saw that Vanessa always had a thing for him and self sabotaged. People really just need to talk to one another and really need to understand the other spouse's feelings. I'm not sure I'd be cool with a girl best friend that repeatedly crossed boundaries like this...let's be real....it's not the first time this has happened.

I can see someone having a stupid one night stand after you pick that relationship over yours one too many times. Not excusing the wife's actions but he also has to think about his actions and really think about whether he's been subtlety prioritized Vanessa's feelings over his wife.

Normally I’d say that there should be trust and that this shouldn’t be a big deal, but you turned into a huge deal when you made it about getting payback. YTA, for sure. You’re clearly not over it. Get a divorce and be done with it.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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