'AITA for telling my cousin that no one likes her?' 'She doesn't have any friends.'

"AITA for telling my cousin that no one likes her and that’s why she doesn’t have any friends?"

I (26F) have a cousin (28F). Growing up, she was my best friend we did everything together. When I was 15, my family moved about 5 hours away, so we only saw each other a few times after that. By the time she turned 18, we had drifted a bit. When I turned 20, our relationship improved again, and we got close enough to talk every day on the phone.

I even introduced her to one of my fiancé’s friends, and she started hanging out with our friend group. About 6 months ago, I got engaged. That’s when things went downhill. She started badmouthing me to our mutual friends saying I was using my fiancé for money and even calling me horrible names.

From what I was told, she was stirring up drama, lying about me, and trying to turn people against me. Around that time, her boyfriend broke up with her, and she suddenly showed up blaming me for their breakup. She even messaged my fiancé telling him to leave me and be with her.

Naturally, everyone in the group cut her off. Fast forward to last week she called me crying, saying she had no one to talk to, that she was all alone, and that I was the only person who mattered to her. I wasn’t sure what to do, but after talking with my mom, I decided to at least hear her out. Things seemed okay until yesterday.

She told me something had happened with someone from the group, but she refused to tell me who. When I asked questions, she got really defensive and started yelling at me. I told her to stop shouting or I’d end the call, but she just yelled louder and accused me of enjoying her suffering. So I hung up.

A few hours later she called back, calmer this time, and explained herself. I told her calmly that I don’t talk to people who scream at me that’s a boundary for me. She immediately started yelling again, calling me egotistical and then saying she was the “bigger person” because she called me first, even though I was the one who had hurt her.

That’s when I snapped and said If I wanted to actually hurt you, I’d tell you it’s no wonder you’re alone, no one likes you, and that’s why you don’t have any friends. Now she’s upset and I can’t help but feel guilty. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

GrouchySteam said:

NTA - you included her in your circle. She decided to shit on you behind your back to YOUR friends, to go after YOUR fiancé, and then had the audacity to expect you to be supportive of her, when it didn’t turned out with you being excluded and dumped for her!?

Who needs enemies with family like this. What exactly are you supposed to be guilty about? Not having your friends rejecting you for her lies? Your fiancé not replacing you for her? Or not being willing to be yelled at by her lunatic ahole?

the_elephant_stan said:

ESH. This sounds like high school. Also, INFO: Why does she blame you for her break up? Seems like there is more there. And I'd love to know if you ever found out what somebody in the group did.

LavishnessGeneral said:

NTA. People have their limits and the truth hurts. I wouldn't have even entertained the idea of listening to someone after they had gone out of their way to try and sabotage my relationships with others.

Individual_Metal_983 said:

Really after the stunts she has pulled you would be better off cutting her off. She is toxic. Clearly she has issues but that is for her to resolve. NTA.

yesnomaybe123 said:

NTA. This person messaged your fiance and told him to leave you and be with her. Why exactly do you feel any guilt? That's one of the biggest stabs in the back a friend can do (nevermind a family member.) The sooner you let this relationship drift far apart again, the better.

iambecomesoil said:

NTA. Do yourself a favor here. Read this story back to yourself and remove the term cousin and just write friend instead. Or acquaintance. Would you take any of this from an acquaintance? No, right?

Why are you taking it from someone with a bit of familial blood? Block the number. There is no chance of you at the end of this relationship being in any sort of net-better position. It's just a matter of how long between blow ups.

indigoblueribbon said:

Honestly she sounds like she's in (hypo)manic-depressive cycle of bipolar disorder...The behavior is very irrational and expansive one time then rapidly turns to depressed the other. Her parents need to get her help. NTA, if you're inclined to help then do so, if not: stay away.

oliviamrow said:

ESH. I'm not a psychiatrist so take this with a grain of salt, but honestly she sounds like someone who's developed a mental health problem. Actively driving away everyone close to you over six months or a year is kind of extreme.

Her problem is not yours to fix. But you should've ended the call rather than turning to insults. I say that with sympathy; if she pokes a person with a sharp stick long enough they'll snap, but you already had used the tool you should've stuck with (the hang up button).