'AITA telling my cousin the real reason I stopped letting her babysit was her own behavior?'
"AITA telling my cousin the real reason I stopped letting her babysit my daughter was her own behavior?"
My cousin Lara (22f) is into “stan” wars. If you don’t know, it’s basically being a fan of something but also really toxic and nasty about it. Snark forums are for people to just sit around and talk crap about a celebrity they’re obsessed with. It’s a lot of immature and childish and nasty behavior.
Lara accidentally liked a post of mine on her “stan” account. She says it’s just for fun and not that serious. It made me sick. She has like 4 celebs she’s obsessed with hating and comparing to her “fav.” I’m not saying who to avoid bias.
But there are childish nicknames, shaming, calling other fans names and saying they should be locked up, and worse. After I saw that stuff I saw her in a different light. My daughter likes some of the people Lara rages against and it made me sick to think about her mocking her or saying things about her. I stopped asking Lara to babysit.
It’s been a while and she was talking about how she was trying to save up for a new car, but she has been struggling to find off jobs. She said she could free herself up for babysitting. I said no thanks, we had a permanent sitter now. She asked me why we didn’t ask her. I tried to lie and say it just worked out better this way.
She knew I was lying and pressed so I ended up telling her the real reason that after seeing that “stan” stuff it made me sick to think about her saying stuff like that to my daughter so I thought it best she doesn’t sit anymore. And how I didn't want her to teach my daughter it was ok to be cruel to people. She blew her lid saying that I need to learn how to take a joke.
I pulled up pics I took and read out some of the stuff she said. I won’t repeat it. My family was so mad. Lara told me to stop policing her behavior and that she’s sure she can look through my internet history and find stuff I wouldn’t be proud of. I told her I don’t use the internet to be horrible to people and she should be ashamed of herself. She's calling some of these people horrible things.
She said I’m taking everything out of context, I’m up on my high horse, and none of this is as serious as I’m saying. I’m overreacting and taking it out on her that I’m old and out of touch. I do not live my life online the way she does.
Am I the ahole for taking the babysitting gig away from her? Like am I way overreacting over this and I’m just offended or something? Is this a lot more common than I think and I’m too sensitive?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
C_Majuscula said:
NTA. Glad your cousin is seeing some consequences for her horrible behavior and you're right she shouldn't be around your kids.
Peep_Power_77 said:
NTA. You're not policing her behavior. She's free to post whatever vile stuff she wants. She's free to say whatever vile stuff she wants. Just not around your kids. When I was a child, I loved my babysitters and would model their behavior. Then my niece did the same with me as the "cool aunt" when she was little.
And then I watched as the youngest in our family did the same to her when she was their cool teen cousin. Kids often parrot adults, especially those they admire, often younger relatives. They don't need to learn Lara's behavior. Ever.
Vast_Responsibility6 said:
NTA. Online bullying is still bullying. She was just so confident because she was anonymous until now. Now she's dealing with the real world consequences. Also, jokes are supposed to be funny. Ask her how using slurs is funny.
WinginVegas said:
NTA. You aren't telling her she can't continue to post whatever she wants, you are only stopping her from potentially exposing your child to that. Since you don't approve of whatever she is posting, you are the parent and decide what your child is exposed to.
eastcoastnice said:
NTA. We want to set good examples for our children and while we can’t control what they’re exposed to forever, I’m all for controlling it while you still can! Your cousin is 22. She’s way too old to be doing catty crap on the internet, even if it’s “not that serious” or a “joke."
She accidentally liked something from her stan account…one careless mistake like that can open her up to potential employers being able to connect that stuff to her. And fire or not hire her because of it. She might think you’re overreacting but you’re teaching her a good lesson if she’d be mature enough to listen.
IamIrene said:
NTA. You get to choose who is around your child. You've discovered something about your cousin that makes it untenable for her to be around your child. Then your cousin backed you into a corner until you told her why. Your cousin is free to behave however she wants to but that doesn't come consequence free.