'AITA for telling my dad I felt excluded after his girlfriend didn’t include me in dinner?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my dad I felt excluded after his girlfriend didn’t include me in dinner?"
I (26F) have been staying at my dad’s place for a bit while I look for a new apartment. He lives with his girlfriend (36F) and her daughter (13F). It’s been okay lately however honestly kind of awkward. I try to stay out of the way, keep to myself, I always clean up after myself, etc. I’ve never been super close with his girlfriend, but I always been polite.
The other night, my dad mentioned they were going out to dinner and said I should go with them. He said it might be nice for us all to spend a little time together and get out of the house. I agreed, thinking it’d be chill and maybe a good chance to ease some of the weirdness. He wasn’t coming, he had some work stuff, but I figured as the one suggesting it, I was genuinely welcome.
We got there and my father's girlfriend told the host, "table for two" and then turned to me and said something like, "Oh, I thought you were just tagging along. This is a little celebration just for her" I was kind of stunned. I didn’t want to make a scene so I just said “oh okay” and walked off. I ended up getting takeout nearby and Ubering home.
When I got back my dad asked how dinner was and I just said, “Apparently I wasn’t invited after all.” Now his girlfriend is saying I overreacted and made her look bad, and my dad’s stuck in the middle.
Her daughter also gave me a weird look when they got back, like I had ruined the night or something. I don’t think I’m entitled to a free meal or anything, but I was told I was invited. It just felt really crappy to be treated like an afterthought. AITA?
Not long after posting, OP shared an update.
UPDATE: I forgot to mention that next to the restaurant we went, there is a place that I usually meet with my friends and my father's gf knowns about it because she took me a couple of times. So maybe she thought I am headed that way?
The comments quickly came in.
RoyallyOakie wrote:
NTA...She knew what she was doing. Nobody just "tags along" to a restaurant without going in. Your father is only in the middle if he doesn't wish realize what his girlfriend is up to.
OP responded:
Yeah I forgot to mention but I updated the post now. She knows that very close to the restaurant there is a place I meet with my friends very often because she took me a couple of times there, so maybe she thought I am headed to the same place.
ImpossibleReason2204 wrote:
So how did that go down? Did you see them walking out the door and just join them? Did someone say "Okay, time to go"? What was the discussion like getting into the car and driving there?
OP responded:
My father insisted, they didn't get to talk didn't have the time (I mean they did but seems that didn't) I agreed and saw them in the car, I was ready to go out so I asked if they were heading to the restaurant and that I am coming too (she knows that close to the restaurant me and my friends usually meet so maybe she thought that I am doing the same thing).
I didn't think I'd have to ask if I am invited since she is "family" and my father made me do it. In the car a friend called because she got dumped and was crying so I didn't get the chance to talk about it since the place is very close.
Key-Gazelle-3999 wrote:
NTA your father's gf was totally wrong she should of made it clear that it was just dinner for her and her daughter why would she let you get all way to the restaurant and then tell you your not invited she's the one making things weird between y'all your father need to have a conversation with her to see what her issue is with you.
OP responded:
She knows that very close to the restaurant there is a place that I usually met with my friends, she actually took me there a couple of times. Maybe she thought I am going to the same place. I forgot to mention this.
HowlPen wrote:
NTA. How could you have known? Your dad suggested you go, and they brought you along to the restaurant. You had no reason to think you weren’t invited.
Your dad needs to clear this up- if he didn’t clearly communicate with his girlfriend, then she may have honestly been surprised when you expected to stay with them at the restaurant. Now the kind response would have been to include you - but her initial surprise sounds genuine, and that fault lies with your dad.
tiggergirluk76 wrote:
NTA. Obviously the GF is, because who waits til arrival at a restaurant before telling someone they aren't actually invited? Also your dad is TA, because who invites someone along to someone elses meal, that they aren't actually going to themselves? It sounds like he didn't even ask her.
Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:
NTA. What a stupid way for dad / girlfriend to handle the situation. She couldn’t open her mouth and confirm you were joining them? Your dad “invited” you but didn’t say anything to the girlfriend? You all need to start talking to each other apparently.
Yes this was awkward but you’ve learned a lot. Dad would like you all to be closer without any effort on his part. Girlfriend thinks of you as a temporary roommate. This is not disrespectful but how she interprets you keeping to yourself and staying out of the way. You are both adults and not “family."