'AITA for telling my dad if he could put a school play before rushing to be with me in the hospital then he could do the same for me this time?'
"AITA for telling my dad if he could put a school play before rushing to be with me in the hospital then he could do the same for me this time?"
My relationship with my dad changed when I (17m) was 9 and he left my mom for another woman, who was pregnant with his kid at the time. To make things worse she was married to someone else as well and the dude was crazy.
My dad knew all this and he brought me into that mess by insisting he was going to stay a part of my life and then had me in the house when his affair partner's husband came and started throwing stuff at the house and calling for my dad to come outside so he could shoot him.
The police were called but before they could arrive the ex broke into the house and he and my dad attacked each other. His affair partner's son was there and she asked me, a 9 year old, to protect her 5 year old son.
My dad and the other dude got arrested and when the whole thing was being worked out in court my parents divorce was finalized and at the last custody hearing the judge only gave dad every other weekend because of the bad decision making to take me around at that time.
Apparently his affair partner's husband (ex now I know) had already shown up at the house and made threats and he put me at risk knowingly. I only had to see him until I was 14 and then I stopped going.
In the time I was with him he told me I was still his priority but he didn't show it. He made promises but always fell through. He promised to come to a football game I was playing but didn't make it and said his stepson got sick and he needed to stay with him.
Another time he took the weekend off and said he was taking me camping, just him and me. He said we needed time together. But then his stepson had a karate award ceremony or something and he wanted to go to that so he said another weekend we'd go and he berated me the rest of the weekend for not celebrating his stepson "with the family".
Then he wanted to come to a competition I was in and he begged me to save him a ticket, so I did. But he didn't show up and he said his stepson was being bullied and he had to go to the school about it.
He followed through about twice with promises. One was to take me to see a movie I'd wanted to see with friends but he said he wanted to take me. The other was him showing up at a meeting at school about learning challenges I had. He only attended one of the five meetings about it though. But hey, he promised one and he actually came so yay him I guess.
He'd beg me to come and see him and the kids and spend time with his family and I said no. I told him he cared more about them and he already looked bad in my eyes because he cheated on my mom but then he also brought me around crazy.
Last year I got into a car accident and was brought to hospital. My mom let dad know several times. He didn't show up until the next day and said it was because three of his kids had school plays back to back. I had the nurse kick him out and asked that he not be let in to see me. He tried calling but I ignored him. And I kept ignoring him when I got home.
He left it for a few months and then reached out to me in June and pleaded with me for a whatever chance it was. He said he loved me, he saw me as a priority just as much as the others, and he wanted me to let him show me.
He said he'd do anything and after months of begging we talked and I invited him to see me in a competition. I told him it was his final chance and I didn't care what emergency happened because in an emergency for me he put fucking school plays first.
He assured me it would happen. The day of the competition came and he didn't show. His stepson had an asthma attack and was in the hospital. Two of his other kids were home sick with the flu.
He said he was needed at the hospital with his stepson. And he asked me to please understand and would I really expect him to ignore the others and not rush to the hospital and I said yes.
I said if he could put a school before making sure I was okay after a car accident, then he could do the same for me with his other kids. I said he won't and I'm done. His wife DMd me that night and she told me I was sick to want him to leave her son in the hospital and to wish that on someone. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I’d write back and say HE WAS SICK for leaving YOU in the hospital and prioritising a school play
Also that it was SICK that he cheated on his wife with her and that she was okay with him cheating on his wife with her 🫢😁
NTA. Your dad has repeatedly failed you, broken promises, and put his other family ahead of you every single time. It’s clear he hasn’t learned from his mistakes, no matter how many chances you’ve given him. Your feelings are valid, and honestly, it’s not "sick" to expect your dad to prioritize you for once, especially after the way he handled things in the past.
NTA - when people show you the truth believe it. Words are cheap and easy, his actions tell you all you need to know. Understand this, this is all on him and by no means a reflection of you. You deserve better and I hope you succeed in everything in life. Let him go and focus your energy on you. He surely is.
If you feel you need to close this chapter for good, articulate everything in a timeline factually of everything that has occurred, the consequence to you and his relationship and how it has made you feel. If any flying monkey from his family or his wife reach out, send them a copy. It’s better to protect your peace but sometimes you have to tell people why.
NTA. If he consistently shows up for everyone but you, then it's not about emergencies—it's about priorities. You deserve to feel just as important as anyone else in his life."
Ok-Worldliness-1193 (OP)
This is so well said because yeah, it's all about who his priority is and I'm not it or even one of them.
NTA. It's understandable how you feel that way. He's let you down too many times, and he's set himself up for no relationship with you in the future. Live your best life and take this as an example of what not to do in the future if you decide to have kids of your own. Do you have a grandpa or uncle to be that father figure for you?
PS his wife needs to shut her trap. He set the precedence of valuing school functions/competitions over sick kids. She just wants her kids to come first in everything. She'll learn that lesson when she loses him how she got him. He'll cheat on her, too.