'AITA for telling my dad to never contact me again after he chose his wife’s mom over me?' CONFRONTATION UPDATE
"AITA for telling my dad to never contact me again after he chose his wife’s mom over me?"
Hi everyone, I (17F) am only really posting this since my dad’s family and even my mom are telling me that I’m in the wrong. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and they had 50/50 custody so I would stay with my dad for a week then my mom.
When I was 14 my dad got married to my stepmom (I refer to her as his wife) and I would only see them on the weekends until they moved and I only saw them whenever they visited (my mom got full custody)
Anyways last month they moved back to our city and got a 2 bedroom house, my dad had promised me the room before he moved back and told me he could do 50/50 again if me and my mom were okay with it and we were. I was so excited and even picked out furniture and bought stuff to decorate it.
Anyway, they move into the house and invite me, they give me a tour and show me my “room”, I asked when I could start putting things in it and that’s when they told me that they were actually going to give the room to his wife’s mom, and since I was going away to college soon, it wasn’t like I was going to use the room much.
They also told me that instead of staying the full week that I can go on the weekends and sleep on their couch if I wanted to. I said no to that and texted my mom to pick me up. It’s been a month and I ghosted my dad fully, he even came to try to talk to me but I was at school, he’s been contacting my mom too which he hates doing.
So I just decided that I didn’t want to be in his life anymore or have him in mine, even though I barely did. I talked to my mom and for someone who hates my dad, she told me that I should just talk to him and spend time with him since I barely got to for 2 years.
I just decided to cut him off, it sounds impulsive I know but I sent him a long message detailing how emotionally neglected and unwanted he made me feel and to never contact me again. I blocked him and blocked his side of the family.
In the morning my mom woke me up at 5am and asked what I did, almost my dads entire family have been blowing up her phone asking what she said/did that made me want to cut off my dad.
During school I even got a few messages from my cousins on insta that I forgot to block insulting me. My mom showed me some of the messages and some are insulting both of us.
My dad even sent a message apologizing to me and said I broke his heart, his wife is sending disgusting messages towards my mom. I feel awful because I didn’t expect them to attack not only me but my mom, harshly at that. I feel like I messed up and want to know if what I did was the right thing.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Unblock him temporarily to let him know that his family and wife harassing you and your mom is exactly why you want no contact with any of them. He continues to take no accountability for his own actions and blame you and your mom instead. Tell him your mom is against your decision, but his family’s attack has reassured you that you made the right decision.
I would even send screenshots of messages. Ask him to call off his family and nasty wife. That for now you stand by your decision and that maybe in the future you will change your mind, but if it continues it will only drive you further from him. At that point you can either leave him unblocked to get a response or re-block.
As a minor, those messages might be enough to show harassment and might be worth notification to CPS/police to get the harassment to stop. A bully will usually stop if someone with some authority makes it uncomfortable for them. CPS is a big stick. Especially rally if they have other kiddos.
imjustapickl3 (OP)
that’s mostly up to my mom sadly ;/ she doesn’t like confrontation or having legal troubles and I don’t want to push them onto her. They don’t have any kids, thank god lol 😭
NTA you feel how you feel and that’s ok. Your dad did betray you and expected you to just accept it. And even if something had to change the way they told you was awful.
This is not ok, you're NTA. Your dad took away your room to give to his wife's mother and then said you can sleep on the couch? WTF, how often does her mom visit? He barely saw you or made any effort why keep emotionally damaging yourself?
I'd tell his family well he chose his wife over me years ago I guess I shouldn't be surprised he chose her mother over me too, I decided I don't deserve to be treated as an old sweater only useful when he needs me.
imjustapickl3 (OP)
Yeah exactly also from my knowledge not much, her mom is wild and goes to Vegas a lot, basically lives there and she’s rarely home in her own house now so like she won’t be in the room much either unless she’s back in town to which probably a lot as she won’t need to pay bills 😭 thank you so much.
NTA for your feelings. As a mom I understand where your mom is coming from. She just doesn’t want you to regret going no contact with your dad. But with what you are saying he really is a POS.
She should have never got your hopes up just to crush them like that. I’m sorry he did that to you. I hope he doesn’t know what his family and his wife are saying to you and your mom because if he does and hasn’t put a stop to it then he is a bigger POS then I thought.
My advice to you is stay with your mom and if he had no idea and stops the harassment to you and your mom maybe go low contact with him. Until he can prove himself to you. I’m sorry he is doing this to you but best wishes and stay strong.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
Hi guys, right now I’m at a friend’s house and going to stay the night. If you guys saw the small update I did on my last post, my mom was making me see my dad in person today to try and reconcile. She was threatening to take away things I need and use like my phone, so I had to go.
After school, she picked me up and we drove to his house. I made sure to try and mentally prepare what I wanted to say/do. I really didn’t want to talk to him but since I was forced to, I decided to take some advice from my last post and basically just talk about times I felt neglected and why I wanted to cut him off, including the harassment from his family.
When I got there, I thought it was just going to be him, me and mom but I was wrong. My mom came inside with me, but my dad told me to sit in the dining room and wait. They stayed talking at the door and I went to the dining room. My dad’s wife, who I’ll just call Becca since it’s close to her, name and her mom were sitting there.
They told me to sit down while we wait for my dad. These women looked so angry at me and I felt uncomfortable. I sat and was on my phone and I could just feel and see them staring.
I wanted to get up and leave but my dad eventually came and sat down. He told me we needed to talk but I asked him where my mom was and he said that she left. I asked why and he ignored me.
Then he started talking about how sorry he was for what I felt but that Becca’s mom wanted the room and she already broke her lease from her apartment, and was thinking of quitting her job.
Guys, this lady is 53 and acts like she is my age, shes gotten fired from all her jobs or quit because they were “hard”. For everyone thinking of a small frail old lady, you’re wrong. Picture someone who loves Vegas, drinking and partying. There you go.
I was mad. They all took turns talking and basically said words that mean “we’re sorry if you’re upset but you’re dramatic and you being dramatic affects us so we’ll give you a bunch of excuses and make you seem like the bad guy.”
I just wanted to leave so I said something like “this isn’t just because of the room, it’s the promises that were broken and how you treat me” and I gave examples of things he’s done that hurt me, including the harassment.
When I mentioned it, Becca snorted and rolled her eyes at me and told me that I’m being dramatic with the word “harassment” and that it was towards my mom and not me.
Me and Becca got into an “argument” but it was more like me going “okay sure, but you still did this” and her excusing it and raising her voice. I decided to end that and just tell them that I’m not going to reconcile with them, if I have to talk to them in the future I will only if necessary. But for now, I don’t want to build a relationship since we haven’t had one in years.
When I asked when my mom was coming back, they told me she wasn’t until Monday. This is when I got really upset and went outside. I didn’t want to be inside or around them anymore and I called/texted my mom for an hour straight. I even walked to a small plaza nearby just so I could be away from them. My mom didn’t answer and it was getting late.
I didn’t want to involve my friends or anything but it seemed like the only choice so I asked one of my friends if she could come pick me up and if I can stay with her. She said yes and now I’m at her house.
She's doing homework right now so I’m just in her living room watching tv waiting for her to be done. Her mom told me I can stay the whole weekend if I’m okay with going to church on Sunday and can borrow my friend’s clothes.
I texted my mom and let her know I’m staying with a friend and I still haven’t heard back from her. I think she turned her phone off. Honestly I want to cry out of anger, I’m so confused as to what happened. I’m mad, very mad but also very numb.
I don’t know what this means. left my mom voicemails crying asking why she left and wasn’t picking up and venting to her so I guess maybe I feel numb because of that. Who knows. I’ll try to give you guys an update but who knows what that will be.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
You don’t have a very good mother OP she’s just as bad as your dad and his wife.
Literally this. She turned off her phone and left her daughter in an uncomfortable position. At this point OP shouldn't only cut off her dad, when she's able to she might want to consider doing the same to her mom. It breaks my heart reading about parents that are just so awful.
Your mom just left you to be attacked by your dad's wife and her mooch mother? I just cannot fathom doing that to my daughter. I, also, cannot fathom being your parent and watching my significant other tell my child they're being dramatic because they're tired of broken promises. I can imagine you didn't feel safe, and needed to get away. I'm glad you're staying at your friend's house.
Your dad isn't worth your time because of his wife. Just let them be. I would imagine that your parents are trying to cut down on his support by getting you sometimes. (I.e. your dad pays less, and your mom gets a break while you stay with your dad.) If your dad wants to see you, tell him teenage girls need privacy. He can either kick mooching Mil to the curb, or get a bigger house/apartment/condo.
She got sat in front of a firing squad. The mum needs a damn good reason or a response otherwise their relationship is gonna be forever strained.
Both of your parents are failures. I'm so sorry. Cut and off when you turn 18 and be nasty about it, they deserve it.
This is such a depressing update, I didn’t expect your mother to abandon you like this but at least you have your friends can you maybe stay with them for a while?