'AITA for telling my dad not to bring my half-brothers to my birthday because I don’t want to supervise them?'
"AITA for telling my dad not to bring my half brothers 6 and 8 to my birthday party because I don’t want to supervise them all evening?"
Here’s the situation. My dad had a girlfriend for 10 years who struggled with alcohol. When they were together it was constant fighting at home and her issues caused a lot of chaos. Even after they broke up they decided to have two kids. My half brothers are now 6 and 8. I barely see them because I try to keep my distance from their mother.
She gives me instant headaches. From the times I’ve seen her she doesn’t really parent them. She barely pays attention to them and never tells them no. Other people are always watching them for her. My dad sees them on weekends and when he takes them on trips. He also doesn’t really set clear boundaries with them. So here’s why I’m posting:
I’m turning 25 and I want to have a small birthday party with about 20 people. Since I barely know my half brothers and they tend to break things and run around unsupervised I told my dad I didn’t want them there. I just want to relax and enjoy my birthday without having to play babysitter in my own house.
My dad got angry. He said I can’t shut them out because they’re family and said he won’t come to the party if they’re not invited. He told me they’re kids and need to run around and that he wants to have fun too and will watch them as much as he can.
I told him honestly that he never watches them and if that’s how he feels he doesn’t have to come at all. I also explained that the party is on a weekday and their mom lives two hours away so it’s not a big deal if they don’t come this time.
Now my whole family is upset with me. They say I’m overreacting and being harsh. My aunt offered to help watch them if needed but I still feel like it’s not unreasonable to want a calm birthday without small kids running around. Now I’m doubting myself. Maybe I should cancel the whole party and just do something else. I feel awful and can’t stop overthinking it. So internet, AITA?
The internet kept their thoughts coming.
Successful_B#$ch107 wrote:
NTA. I find it funny that your dad admitted that he wants to come to your party so HE can have fun “and will try to watch them." Nope, he wants to come to your party so he can have a day off of parenting them (the whole 48 hours) and make them someone else’s problem (you) for the day.
Your dad is selfish - No where did he even say, but OP, it’s your birthday and I want to celebrate time with YOU!
Nope, it was all about your poor old dad who hates dealing with the consequences of his own poor choices.
OP responded:
That’s exactly how it felt to me. I couldn’t shake the sense that I was just the background to his weekend. Thank you for putting it into words 🙏
Aggravating-Plum8147 wrote:
He’ll watch them “as much as he can?” That’s not how parenting works. He needs to be responsible for them the entire time. It’s his fault they can’t go, since by 6&8 years old should be able to be unsupervised a bit and not cause trouble. Unfortunately they needed a parent to teach them that. NTA.
Jo007athome wrote:
Then Dad can stay home and the rest of the family doesn’t get a say. It doesn’t involve them. You are entitled to an enjoyable evening and not feel like a babysitter. Aunt needs to back off (Dad's sister?) because you specifically asked that they not be there.
As far as them being kids and needing to run around and let off energy, I agree, but not at your party. Family always feels entitled. If your father was invited to a party by a co-worker and asked that no kids come that night, he would have no problem going by himself. BOUNDARIES. You are NTA because you enforce your boundaries.
No-Potential-7242 wrote:
NTA. You're turning 25. Even if your brothers were very well-behaved, many people your age wouldn't want small children at a birthday party. But your brother are badly behaved and you know from previous experience that if you don't watch them when they're at your house, they'll break things and possibly put themselves in danger. They will ruin your experience of your own party.
Like all parents who raise badly behaved kids, your father is very resistant to the idea that he is responsible for this situation. He has not parented his children and now people don't want them around, but he won't acknowledge that. Instead he is pretending that you don't want them around for some other reason. He is encouraging other family members to pressure you so nothing changes.
Stand firm. You're only 25 and if you give in to your father now, he will learn that he can always make unreasonable demands. Tell the rest of the family that this is between you and your father. They need to stop pressuring you because they are not the ones who end up having to parent your step-brothers when you father neglects his parenting duties.
This is your party, you don't want badly behaved kids there, and that is all you have to say. If your father threatens to stay away, I would say: I'm so sorry you have made that decision. I hope you will have success in teaching the kids how to behave this year so that they will be welcome next year."
HappyGardener52 wrote:
It's your birthday party and you have a right to enjoy it. If your father chooses not to come because of the children, then he doesn't come. It sounds like it is a grown-up party anyway, why would children be invited? As for other family members, remind them that this is not their business. It's between your father and you.