Son confronts dad over stepmom title dispute after overhearing them criticize his mother. AITA?
"AITA for telling my dad to look into a mirror and stop blaming mom for me not calling my stepmom 'mom' anymore?"
Tall-Lengthiness-330
My parents divorced when I (17M) was a baby and my dad remarried when I was 5. When I was 7 I started to call my stepmom mom a little and that's what felt natural to me.
They didn't ask me to do it. After I had said it several times my dad gave my mom a heads up about it. I heard him tell my stepmom about it when we got home. I was in the office doing homework at the time. Dad and my stepmom started trash talking mom.
Dad said mom looked so hurt and offended. Then he and my stepmom said how awful it was that she couldn't be happy for me and dad called my mom a big baby. My stepmom said she hoped my mom didn't stop me from calling her mom too.
She also said it was sad that my mom was so selfish and put herself before me. All this because my mom looked hurt. Not even because she said something. Because she looked hurt.
I never called my stepmom again. I didn't want to hurt mom and I didn't feel like my dad and stepmom deserved for me to keep calling my stepmom mom too when they were trash talking my mom so much.
It was noticed. Dad would call my stepmom my mom in conversation sometimes as a test. Like go ask your mom or did you find your mom and I would always say; I asked 'Maire' or I found 'Marie'.
I also told people I only had one mom and one dad and I had a stepmom when asked or if it came up. I'd do even if my dad or stepmom could hear and it bothered them so much.
Then one of my half siblings started calling my mom 'mom' and my dad and stepmom quickly and actually pretty harshly shut that down. When it happened randomly at times for a couple of years it resulted in a bit of a freak out.
Which I found funny given mom couldn't even look hurt without being all kinds of terrible things in their opinion. Now that I'm in my senior year of high school and almost 18 my dad has been more bothered by the fact I just, to them, randomly stopped calling my stepmom mom. And he brought it up to me with my stepmom in the room a few days ago.
He told me I shouldn't let my mom influence my decision on who gets called mom and dad. He told me it seemed so sad that my stepmom was mom for a while and then I just used her name. He told me if mom really loved me she'd be happy for me.
I told him it wasn't mom, that I heard everything the two of them said, that it made me re-evaluate whether my stepmom deserved to be called mom anymore and I decided nah, because they disrespected mom. Then I was like; so go look in a mirror and stop blaming mom when she never even said anything to him and they trash talked her for how she looked.
Dad accused me of lying and said even if it is true, I was shitty for holding that against them so much and blaming him as harshly when they just wanted me to be able to love everyone. He said I was too willing to assign all the blame to him/them. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
maleficentwasright
If it wasn't such an issue, why did they react SO badly to this:
"Then one of my half siblings started calling my mom 'mom' and my dad and stepmom quickly and actually pretty harshly shut that down. When it happened randomly at times for a couple of years it resulted in a bit of a freak out."
And if they just wanted everyone to love each other, wouldn't they want that for your half siblings too? NTA. They are only mad because you remembered the incident and called them out on it. And the blame IS on them. They were the ones that said it and gloated about your mums hurt, not you or your mum.
solo_throwaway254247
OP is apparently too willing to assign blame when he says dad and step-mom were to blame. But it was okay when the dad was blaming OP's mom for OP not calling his step-mom mom anymore. The dad can't take responsibility for anything. And change the rules to suit his narrative. He's such a hypocritical, big baby.
MoanaVita
Honestly, I think you did the right thing. It’s not cool for your dad and stepmom to trash-talk your mom and then expect you to act like everything's fine. You were just being honest about how their words affected you. It sounds like your dad needs to take a step back and think about how his actions impact you. You're not being unreasonable for wanting to show respect to your mom.
harleybidness
NTA. Trash talking isn't much of an indicator for seeking universal love. Their behavior is the proof that their words mean nothing. Continue thinking for yourself.
BarbaraWas
NTA. Their trash talking shows they don't genuinely care about love and acceptance. Actions speak louder than words, and they’ve made their intentions clear.
kurokomainu
NTA Tell your dad that you calling your stepmom any version of "mom"had to be organic to mean anything -- and at the start it was. It was like a seedling that had sprung up. But then they stomped all over the natural feeling you had and it never arose again.
There's no point to you forcing yourself to call her "mom" and they only have the huge impact of their mean-spirited words to blame for the organic urge to do so never arising again. Sometimes damage is once and done for a lifetime. They blew it.