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AITA for telling my dad’s other child we have different families and she needs to accept that?'

AITA for telling my dad’s other child we have different families and she needs to accept that?'

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"AITA for telling my dad’s other child we have different families and she needs to accept that?"

Individual_Expert325

I’m using a throwaway because I use my main account for a hobby and have a following on it so don’t want to mix it with family drama.

Names have been changed.

My dad cheated on my mom and had “Ria”. My parents got divorced while my mom was still pregnant. My dad died when I was 8 and Ria was 9. Ria ended up in foster care because her mom had addiction issues so my dad had had full custody. I saw her for a while regularly but eventually stopped when I was around 13 because it just became really awkward.

We’re both in our 20s now. About two years ago, Ria reached out via social media and wanted to reconnect. If I’m being honest I wasn’t super on board with it but I pushed myself because she seemed really into it.

This was kind of the theme of our relationship - whatever I was comfortable with was about a third of what she wanted. She insisted on meeting my parents and stepsiblings, follows and tries to interact with them on social media, and even started texting my mom.

She’d make passive aggressive comments if she knew we’d gone on family vacations, All of them have expressed that they feel uncomfortable with this but are equally uncomfortable on pushing back because they don’t want to damage my relationship with Ria.

This all came to a head last week, when Ria found via Instagram that my mom and stepdad are renewing their vows in the fall. She asked me when she should expect an invite.

I gently explained that it was a long weekend trip and because of that it was family only, which set Ria off. She said she was family and that she gets why my mom didn’t want her as a child but isn’t it time for everyone to let it go and just accept her now.

I was really annoyed by this because it felt like she was slating my family, which isn’t hers. I told her that while she is my half sister, we are part of different families. Mine doesn’t become hers just because we have the same father and she needs to grow up if she thinks that she is owed something but people who have no connection to her. The conversation pretty much ended there.

I want to reach back out to her but I don’t know what to say. My family are all happy I finally made clear where we all stand but the friends I’ve talked to say I may have been too honest. I guess I just want to know if I should be reaching out with an apology or just to talk.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Beneficial_Mix_8803

Wait, what? Your dad’s affair child doesn’t understand why your mother, who is not related to her at all, doesn’t want to be a mother figure to her? Did I read that right? I sympathize with this girl’s situation. It sounds terrible.

Your dad was garbage, her mom is clearly unfit, and she doesn’t have a real family. That really sucks. But your mom is not her family, so this strategy of guilt and passive aggression doesn’t make any sense. NTA.

AdVaanced77

Exactly. It's unreasonable for the affair child to expect the OP’s mom to be a mother figure when she has no obligation or relationship with her. Guild-tripping the mom isn’t the solution. The dad created this mess, not the mom.. she isn't in the wrong for setting boundaries.

C_Majuscula

NTA. Ria is not part of your family except through your dad and his affair partner. She needs to focus on that relationship with her (edited to change) dad's family if she can't stop trying to insert herself into your family.

lostrandomdude

Honestly, she needs serious therapy. This happens a lot with kids that have half siblings and end up in the system, while the sibling has a proper family.

The OP responded here:

Individual_Expert325

Our dad passed away years ago.

coastalkid92

NTA. Listen, could you have softened the approach? Sure. But sometimes you need to be a little more direct with someone so that you can build a relationship. Like you said, it sounds like Ria has been trying to get the relationship she wants without the reality that it takes work to build a bond that can be considered family.

OrigamiStormtrooper

Big agree. I really REALLY feel for Ria, but it sounds very much like she was not taking gentle hints, and then not taking more explicit hints, and ... yeah, sometimes the only way to get through to someone is to be more brusque and matter-of-fact about it than you'd really prefer.

And there's still a chance that she won't take THIS "no" for an answer either, and will either pretend it didn't happen or she didn't understand, or will try to say that OP/his family's position is ridiculous/bad/wrong and keep pushing. Hold your ground, OP. Be gentle but FIRM.

"Ria, you seem really intelligent. You must be able to understand that our dad's relationship with your mother was a betrayal of my mother and our whole family. That's 100% not your fault, but most people aren't comfortable with having a living reminder of a loved one's unfaithfulness in their lives.

I sincerely think you deserve to be talking to a therapist or counselor about all this [maybe send links to free/low-cost services in her area, or online services?], and focus on building the kind of life you want to have and building relationships with friends and colleagues.

Trying to force unwilling people to be closer to you when they feel awkward and uncomfortable with it isn't going to get you anyplace good."

seregil42

NTA, but I'm not without sympathy for Ria. She is desperately trying to find her place and had hoped it would be with you and your family. It appears she really has no one else. Being born to an addict of a mother and losing her father when she was 9, causing her to be placed in a foster home is no fault of hers and must be something she struggles with.

I do feel for her. Now, that doesn't mean that this is your problem and you are perfectly okay to set the boundaries you did. It is something that Ria has to accept.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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