'AITA for telling my dad's wife I don’t care that she has cancer and think she’s lying?' ONE YEAR UPDATE
"AITA for telling my dad's wife I don’t care that she has cancer and think she’s lying?"
Sorry this is long, and trigger warning for self harm, cancer, ED, and major loss. For context, my dad 65 M, has been married 3 times. Me, 26 F, and my siblings: Leo 23 M, and Vanessa 24 F, come from his first marriage.
When I was 21, he married his 3rd wife, Francine 65 F. Over the years of their marriage until this year I always thought Francine was strange. Little things like not allowing our step-sister, Hanna 18 F, drink juice or make comments about how much she was eating when she was 12/13.
Later I found out Hanna was struggling as a teenager with self harm and an ED. Francine never showed much interest in myself, Vanessa, or Leo. Which was fine with us since we were adults by the time she came into our lives.
She was at birthdays, Christmas, thanksgiving, but never really gave anything more than a joint gift with our father. Would leave early from theater productions we participated in, never made it to rugby games, and only ever asked us when we are going to have children and get married and it was all she cared about.
Francine always had “health problems”, she always over reacted to our perfume, shampoo, or the smell of cigarettes on our clothes (my mom and grandmother who had primary care of us were smokers).
So since they were married me and my siblings barely ever saw my dad in case we sent Francine into some kind of allergy shock. Her allergies were different every time we see her: corn syrup, red dye number 5, yogurt, peanuts, the list goes on. Things I’ll see her eating next time I see her.
Fast forward to this past year, 2022. Francine was “diagnosed” with stage 4 lung cancer in April and was given a year to live. My siblings and I made sure we supported our distraught father who was very upset and taking the news very hard. Later that year in December, my grandmother was also diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
For further context, I was grandmas favorite, her first grandkid, we shared a bedroom for most of my life, she would babysit me when my mom needed a break, and I love to say that my grandma was my first love. The person I learned to love before I even understood how to love my parents. She meant so much to me, and she progressively and very quickly got sicker and weaker.
I took a leave of absence from work to help my mom care for her on hospice until she passed away in early February 2023, and I took the loss very very hard. I was in therapy twice a week and was almost admitted to the hospital for relapsing on self harm behaviors.
The weeks after she passed, my family and I were all trying to get our lives together without our main support system. My sister went on medication for her mental health, my brother fought to get a promotion at work.
I had turned 26 that January 2023 and started mapping out my future with my long term boyfriend including what to do about health insurance at the end of the year when I was no longer covered by Francine’s plan.
Here’s where I might be an AH. I texted Francine asking if there was a date I was going to be taken off so I could cement my plans so I was covered. She sent me a three paragraph essay about how she had cancer and the only time I ever texted her was because I needed something.
I told her that was true because, and I quote, “let’s face it, you are as interested in me as I am in you. YOU never reach out when my grandmother died , knowing full well my relationship with her, or when my other grandmother passed away early 2022.
You never ask me about anything in my life, don’t even know I’m coming up on my graduation date for nursing school, or know how I’m doing in general. How dare you come at me when you haven’t even checked yourself.
Be an adult and admit we aren’t even friends let alone family. The phone works two ways and if you wanted to have a relationship with me that bad you should have tried when I was 21.”
In private I told my siblings, my mother, friends, and boyfriend that I think she is lying about having cancer. A thought first stated by my mother and later my boyfriend in two separate conversations.
She claims to be allergic to the chemo, and is doing coffee enemas and juice cleanses she claims are helping her cancer. She claims she got surgery but I see no scar. Not only that, but she was diagnosed with the same thing my grandmother was and over a year later, Francine does not look sick and even took a month long trip to upstate New York and Canada with my father in August 2023.
She had sent us a photo of her and my father and she looks and is acting completely healthy. I asked my siblings honestly if they think she has cancer and Leo agreed it’s fishy and Vanessa wouldn’t answer either way asking why would our dad lie to us.
I pointed out that dad seems like he never goes to the doctors appointments with Francine and just tells us what she says and when asked further question he says he doesn’t know or sighs and shakes his head.
In recent events, Hana has apologized to me for her mothers behavior saying that she has no idea what her mothers issues are. Francine is currently trying to get my father and Hana to move to upstate New York, where she stayed with family since their trip, because the “air is healthier for her healing process”. My father and Hana blatantly said they will not go. AITA?
Also, I just want to say that I have no ill will towards this women BECAUSE she married my dad. I’m up in arms about it because I feel like she’s manipulating my dad. All the comments about me thinking she’s an “evil step mother” and that I have an issue with her because she married my dad, just isn’t true.
My parents getting a divorce was one of the best thing they ever did for me. Thinking of them being together with their differences and having heard them argue towards the end of the relationship i would not have benefited as a child if they had stayed together.
I always liked my moms boyfriends (except one guy that hurt her feelings pretty bad), and I LOVED my dads second wife. I never ever minded that my parents dated and saw other people.
That being said: my only problem with Francine is I believe she is manipulating all of us. That maybe she’s sick in her head. I made this post more to make sure that I wasn’t fully insane and that her behavior is suss. I don’t like her not because she’s married to my dad but because her personality makes it hard to even be friendly.
And none of this is about the insurance. She holds it over our heads and threatened to take myself my siblings and my dad off it. There is so much more but can’t think of it all. Fell free to ask questions so I can fill any holes.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You should be able to call the number on your insurance card and get the info you need, or dad can get it for you. She sounds like a manipulator with major issues.
Educational_Dog6946 (OP)
Not sure if it’s the same with every state but I did try that and they needed her to call bc I’m not the holder. She did follow up with the rude message with a date for me I just had to read a bunch of BS before I got to my answer LOL.
Educational_Dog6946 (OP)
Also want to add this story as well: Our first thanksgiving together Francine left in a rage bc she made us go around the table and say what we were thankful for. My brother said “that I live in a safe place” and my sister said “for my family”.
I said “for my friends”. Francine took that as a jab at her and left saying “well I guess I’m not welcomed here”, and “I guess IM not your family because you don’t want to love with me!” and we were all genuinely confused and when she came back Vanessa told her out right she was crazy for thinking it was a jab at her and it had nothing to do with her. Francine is crazy, I swear.
One year later, the OP returned with an update.
Oh boy it’s been a long time and I went back and read some comments on my original post. And I can give y'all the short version of what’s happened in the last year… To keep it short: She lied. My dad and her had an ugly divorce that ended with my father being homeless.
Francine winded up revealing that she owed over $60k to her ex in alimony and he was taking the house where her, my father and sister were living. The week of Thanksgiving last year, she kicked them both out, and they were both homeless up until August of this year.
(Before anyone asks, no I didn’t have the means to help them.) The entire thing was crazy. She broke off the key in the lock to stop them from getting their things, stole a bunch of money from my dad and bought a house in New York destroying my dad’s credit, and so many other petty and disgusting things.
Yes she’s still alive, yes she was questioned about her cancer. She’s fine. My dad realizing everything was a lie was very very upsetting to watch. IMO she destroyed his life.
I’ve officially started my clinicals and hope to wind up in pediatric oncology after graduation. I think about my grandmother all the time and wish she was alive to talk to her about EVERYTHING.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
That blows. And yeah, haters should suck a whole bag.
Ped. onc. - hero level stuff there. Stay grounded. Find ways to manage that.
As someone who has been in the cancer world from the time I was 16 (27 at the end of the month!), going into Ped. Onc. is amazing! My nurses were some of the only people who kept me sane during my long stays, and I could never thank them enough!
I actually named my service dog after my favorite nurse, who would come in early to snag my chart from whoever was on my night shift lol. That said, in regards to everything else, I am so sorry... is there anything your father can do legally against Francine? Like, prove she prevented him from obtaining his property and then the theft?
When you dad gets back on his feet I hope he sues her for all the damages…
Your father chose this woman over his own kids. It's pretty clear what kind of man he is. He's getting exactly what he deserves. I have no sympathy for him. As for Francine, I hope she has the life she deserves.
Karma will get her, she can kick out your dad and escape and hide from you all, but she can't hide from karma.