'AITA for telling my dad's wife she's not included in pre-wedding activities because of her pathetic one-sided contest?'
"AITA for telling my dad's wife she's not included in any pre-wedding activities because her one sided contest with my mom is pathetic?"
My parents got divorced when my siblings and I were in middle school/high school. We're now in our 20s. Dad got married 2 years after the divorce. He met his wife and married her in 6 months because she was planning to move back to her home state and he didn't want to do the long distance thing.
So we didn't really know her when he told us they had eloped in Vegas. She, however, thought we were all super close and was really disappointed when our reactions were pretty muted to their news.
This started her off being jealous of my mom. She was jealous of the closeness we had with mom. Then she was jealous of the fact we got along so well with our mom's partner (and we're still close) even though mom and him never got married.
Dad's wife started showing up all glam to school functions and football games that we were involved in. She looked like she was attending a wedding or a red carpet. And she'd make snarky comments about dressing up to support "her kids" while looking right at my mom.
She would throw us these lavish birthday parties and invite both sides of our family and then attempt to dress us in matching outfits (the birthday kid and her). It always made her twitchy when we didn't want to dress like her.
When my twin siblings turned 16 and my sister and mom had matching necklaces my dad's wife actually went home to change and wore the same color dress as my sister.
She talks like mom is somehow less than her because she's not remarried. She gloats that she has a ring on her finger. That she shares the same last name as us (the kids). Just all kinds of petty things. She's someone we tolerate but we don't like her and if we could exclude her from our lives without losing our dad we would.
I'm getting married and so is one of my brothers (the twin). My dad's wife has not been invited to any fittings, tastings, viewing, etc by either my fiancé and I or my brother and his fiancée. But mom has been invited to stuff on both sides and my dad's wife was so upset by it.
She asked my brother about being invited to something first and he said no, just no, nothing else and she pestered him for a while before moving onto me and she broke down over it and said she can't understand not being included in pre-wedding activities. I told her she's not included because her one sided contest with my mom is pathetic and none of us want to deal with that.
She said it was such a mean thing to say and all she's ever tried to do is earn that spot as our mom but we treat our mom's partner who isn't even our stepdad like he's more important than her. She was crying harder while saying all this. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TeenySod said:
NTA. She asked why, you told her. She's a grown woman, her behaviour is just toxic and bizarre, you obviously will have your brother's support, don't explain further, don't argue, go 'stuck record' and keep repeating just what you've said already. Hope you and your brother have lovely weddings.
BruceShark88 said:
NTA. This sounds so exhausting and I'm sorry for you and your siblings. It also sounds like it has been a long time coming and your father should have seen this behavior a LONG time ago and addressed it. Congrats on your and your brothers weddings!
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...You were just truthful when she asked. It's a shame that your father didn't take a greater role in intercepting her antics.
Hungry-Industry-9817 said:
NTA, the fact she looked at your Mom and said “her kids” instantly had me say Nope. I would have noped her right out of there.
Visual-Lobster6625 said:
NTA - 99% of problems I see between kids and stepparents comes when the kids are forced to see the stepparent as a new mother/father figure. She is your dad's wife, and nothing more to you because she tried to force it. I'm betting that your mom's husband hasn't forced you to see him as a 2nd father, which is why you have a better relationship with him.
You're not emotional support kids for your stepmother. Her "trying to earn the spot" of mother is nothing more than her ego. She should have focussed on forming a real relationship rather than forcing you to feel a certain way about her.
Neither_Ask_2374 said:
NTA. Coming from a step mom, your step Mom is self absorbed and doesn’t care about you or your siblings. She could’ve been more respected as a step parent if she just treated everyone with respect and kindness and patience. Her loss. Don’t give her any crackers.
Pengvn said:
Good grief NTA. She sounds just like my Dad's longterm gf whom he met when i was 4. Im in my 30s now. As an adult I told my Dad straight up im happy he got someone in his life. But I dont want her in mine. I never chose her. He did. So me and Dad still hangs out and meet up. I skip out of any events where she is. Dad is sad by this but understands.