Recently divorced dad removes daughter's access to Ring camera after she calls his dating life 'disrespectful.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my daughter it’s none of her business who I decide to date and to mind her own business?"
My ex wife and I finalized our divorce proceedings last year after her one night stand. The one night stand really hurt me and it made me really sad and angry. My ex wife did apologize a lot and was willing to do anything I asked. but I lost all emotions for her.
She really wanted reconciliation and I will admit I did reconsider reconciliation for a moment, but I ultimately decided I couldn’t do it. My ex wife and I however did keep the divorce amicable for the sake of our daughters, who are 13 and 15. But the divorce did affect our daughters a lot.
After the divorce was finalized, I wasn’t in any mood to have a relationship but I did want to hook up and kind of become wild. The divorce proceedings took a year, and in that time I did spend a lot of time in the gym and on physical fitness, and by the time the divorce was finalized, I was the fittest I have ever been in my life.
And I have had some success on dating apps, I invite the dates over to my house when my daughters are away at their mom’s, we spend the night just relaxing, cooking dinner, watching movies, we do the deed, and then they leave the next morning.
However, what I forgot when I first bought someone over was that my older daughter had the Ring App installed on her phone, and so she could see who I invited in. And I hadn’t turned off the Ring camera when I invited my date in.
My older daughter confronted me after seeing that I had invited someone into our house, and she said she wasn’t comfortable with it. I tried to be understanding, but my daughter was being really confrontational and she said it was disrespectful to her mom.
That’s when I finally put my foot down, and told her it’s none of her business who I decide to date or bring over when she’s not in the house. I also removed my daughter’s email from the Ring account, so she can no longer view the Ring camera. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You're divorced, so you can do whatever. But your daughters are in a tough spot, having to see you moving on is probably pretty tough on them. Just be mindful of that.
True. Divorce is tough on everyone involved, especially the children.
NTA, but remember, at 15 and 13 they are obligated to whatever arrangements you expose them to for at least a few more years. If you focus exclusively on your interests and comfort to the exceptions of theirs- who have little to no recourse in their situation- you risk alienating them and ruining your relationship with them in the future. You can always get a hotel.
I imagine its very confronting for a 15 year old girl to see her dad messing around. She doesnt see you as a male that dates but her dad and that view is something that has now changed so will take some getting used to.
It may not have been intentional for her to find out, but she did. It's her home too for 50% of her time and knowing that a variety of different strangers are in her private space when she's not there may also be difficult to process.
Dismissing her valid feelings by telling her what you do is none of her business was a bit harsh for a teenage girl having change thrust upon her through no fault of her own. I think you could have handled it with a bit more grace to be honest.
I’m not going to call you an AH, but speaking as a child of divorce I hope you refocus your priorities. My folks both were more interested in their own lives than being parents to their adolescent children. Your children are feeling very raw right now. It was in a lot of ways a very lonely time for me.
NTA. Your daughters do know why you are divorced I hope?
Old-Specialist4008 (OP)
No not really. My daughters really love their mom, and I don’t want to ruin their bond with their mom. I might tell them when they’re older.
You may need to tell them. For all they know they might think you abandoned their mom to be with other women.
The amount of people on here ragging on the teen for feeling some type of way is just 🥴 Dad wasn't honest about the divorce and now she thinks he's cheating on her mom. Aside from that, he's bringing in random strangers to their shared living space so ofc she's gonna have the sense that they probably messed around in the house.
She doesn't wanna speculate where y'all been and what y'all touched. You can certainly date who you want but as a parent, you should be more mindful about how you approach this whole new lifestyle you got going on.
NTA for living a single life YTA for how you handled it as a parent. Your kids don’t know why you’re divorced and then the actual proof they have of your separation is you inviting another woman into your house.
You don’t get to be an AH father for the excuse of being a martyr. Either be transparent with them about infidelity and why you as adult have chosen to meet new people, or hold off on getting some until you can adequately have a conversation with your kids who are innocent and confused in all of this.
This story didn’t start with you being the AH but you’re doing a hell of a job changing the narrative in the eyes of your own children. Even if you’re not the jerk, acting like one automatically makes you one. Shutting your kids out while they are trying to understand the state of the only family they have ever known is the definition of a selfish parental thing to do.