Grieving widow finds solace in late husband’s brother-in-law, sparking ex-wife’s anger. AITA?
"AITA for telling my ex wife my dating life is none of her business and to mind her own business?"
Local_Watch632
My ex wife and I divorced a couple years ago after her affair. We did not keep in touch until last year when her brother unexpectedly passed away. I knew she was really close with her brother so I called her to give condolences.
I was also close friends with her brother’s wife Zoe. We have been friends since middle school, so I also called Zoe to give condolences, and Zoe invited me to the funeral. At the funeral, Zoe was pretty much with me the whole time, and she was taking it really hard.
A couple of months after the funeral, Zoe texted me asking if we could hangout. Zoe had some really dark thoughts, and we ended up making these hangouts a weekly thing. A couple of months later, Zoe asked if we could go have dinner, and we did.
We also made these dinners a weekly thing where every Saturday, we would go have dinner in a different restaurant. During one of these dinners, she also kissed me, and since then we usually kiss after these dinners.
I’m however taking it really slowly and carefully because Zoe is just going through a lot of emotions, and even though Zoe has wanted to take it a step further multiple times, I told her we just need to go slow and maybe wait a few more months.
Last week, I was having dinner with Zoe and when I came back home, my ex wife texted me saying she had seen me and Zoe kiss at the restaurant. She then called me. My ex wife was really angry that I was dating Zoe, and she said it was very disrespectful to her brother.
My ex wife was even crying on the call, and told me to stop seeing Zoe. I however told my ex wife my dating life was none of her business, and to mind her own business. I then hung up the call. I do think it was a bit crude what I said, but I just didn’t want to speak with my ex wife. Was I the AH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
saintandvillian
NTA. Your ex wasn’t worried about who dated who when she cheated so she needs to keep that same energy.
MikeReddit74
NTA. She’s your ex-wife, whose infidelity ended your marriage. You don’t owe her any consideration. Live your life, and date whoever you want to.
Apart-Scene-9059
NTA: You are correct 100% not her business.
Careless_Welder_4048
Did Zoe have kids with her brother?? Because if she did, you are right back into the crazy.
Haute_Tater
I will be the unpopular opinion. NTA-ish Although it is something to be expected. This was the wife of her brother. Her brother was just taken from this world. Whether she cheated or not, while you guys were broken up. Her brother was still there, along with Zoe.
So again, although this is not her place, it should’ve been expected and you probably could’ve handled it better. Just because she was a cheater doesn’t mean that is what is supposed to distinguish how you move. The only reason you reached out was because of the passing her brother...
It wasn’t like Zoe divorced from the brother and then you guys started doing what you were doing, you were literally sitting next to her at the funeral.. We also have no idea the details of Zoe and her brother, whether children were involved. Does she still deal with her deceased spouse family? There’s a lot of information and details that would make the difference...
Francl27
NTA, but proceed cautiously, she just lost her husband and is probably not making rational decisions.
Charlielovestuna
NTA - Just because your ex is grieving, doesn't give her cheating ass the right to dictate who you can and can't date. It's not like you started hooking up the following weekend. Also, pretty sure you owe nothing to her deceased brother.
Sharp_Toe_9186
While your ex doesn’t have input in your dating life… there are more women, why mix with your ex sister in law? I think this is weird.
DesertSong-LaLa
NTA - It may be a sensitive topic to others but you have a right to set a boundary with your ex-wife. Zoe and you will navigate this in a direction that makes sense to you both. Your relationship with Zoe pre-dates high school.
FancyTulip89
All around it is a weird situation. The ex-wife is understandingly upset. She feels her brothers honor is being disrespected, but honestly- if you feel that you have done nothing wrong, she has no say. The ex is the ex for a reason. The widow has no entanglements now. It may be awkward. But it was sure awkward when she was caught cheating wasn't it?!