'AITA for telling my ex’s mum I’m pregnant at almost 7 months?'
"AITA for telling my ex’s mum I’m pregnant at almost 7 months?"
I Cameron (f23) and ex Leo (m25) have stopped talking after revealing to his mum that I’m 6 months pregnant, when he said he won’t be coming to the birth. To give a little backstory - I have been involved with Leo for a little over 5 years now, 3.5 years of actually dating and 1.5 years being broken up but trying to fix our relationship and just ultimately working on ourselves, careers, mental health etc.
He was my first love, the first person I bought home to my parents and ultimately someone I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. In January 2024 I was diagnosed with endometriosis after dealing with constant back pain, stomach pain, paralysing menstrual periods and severe migraines for years.
It has been a lot to digest as it’s incurable and can spread to other organs not to mention the fertility issues that come with this diagnosis which was just as hard. Fast forward to April 2025, I find out I’m pregnant. I was in shock to say the least. I told Leo who was shocked also but reassured me he would support me after discussing our options moving forward.
This was a huge responsibility and we’re young and still have so much to achieve, places to visit etc. I really needed to think about everything as this wasn’t a decision I could make overnight. I made appointments to discuss termination and kept him involved.
After many sleepless nights, praying, planning and advice from family and friends I decided I’m going ahead with the pregnancy, despite my diagnosis and situation with Leo, this baby is a blessing. However, Leo turned cold and was no longer being caring and supportive but told me he doesn’t want to be involved.
This was obviously hard to hear and after a few arguments I decided to leave things alone to avoid stressing myself or baby (plus the first few months of pregnancy were hard as I had severe morning sickness).
In the midst of essentially preparing to be a single mum and having a really horrible pregnancy experience, Leo reached out to discuss how he doesn’t want to be an absent dad and because I’m hormonal and gullible, I believed him and was happy about having a family unit. But then Leo ghosted me for weeks with the excuse that he’s busy working, plus home stress, he hasn’t had time to check up on me.
At the end of July and he reached out once again and this time we had a LONG conversation which ended with him telling me how much he loves and cares for me and he will support me emotionally/financially. We reconciled, chose names, talked about throwing a baby shower, appointment dates and things I’ve bought/need to buy.
Fast forward to now, I’m 6 months pregnant and currently doing my birthing plan with my midwife. I text Leo to ask if he’ll be at the birth as i remembered he mentioned having a holiday booked around baby’s due date.
Leo quote and quote said “cannot confirm nor deny” which left me a bit confused because the last serious conversation we had was that he was gonna be present so surely missing the birth conflicts that. Leo also then proceeded to tell me that he will be away for the whole month so not only will he miss the birth of our child but also the first month of their life.
I think this was my final straw. When I look at my pregnancy, it has honestly been a horrible experience. I’ve cried for so many nights wondering if I’ve made the right decisions, why this even had to happen which makes me feel guilty because I love my baby.
The constant stress from Leo, dealing with the fear of disappointment and shame for being a single mum and just being extremely lonely. I knew Leo hadn’t told his parents and at this point I don’t want Leo around at all. But I also don’t want to deny my child the chance to know their extended family.
So I met up with his mum and told her the news. She was shocked, upset and disappointed and felt kind of robbed of the experience of her first grandchild as Leo hadn’t told her. But she also expressed how she’s excited to meet her grandchild and wants to more than support me with the baby shower and being at the birth.
She also debunked A LOT of lies that Leo told me which were just excuses to not take responsibility. Now it wasn’t my intention to hurt Leo or cause any animosity between his parents (which his mum assured me there wouldn’t be) but I felt like I’ve exhausted all options and keep having the same conversation with Leo that leads nowhere.
Apart of me feels relief because my baby gets the chance to know their extended family… but I still feel the same (sad, alone, unloved) feel like I’ve caused irreversible damage to the relationship/situationship with Leo. Leo said he’ll never speak to me again for telling his mum and that he doesn’t care about me at all. So AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I don’t care what your intentions were when you told her. That’s your baby’s grandparent. They have a right to know. Leo is a waste of space. He was just going to keep playing you to keep you off his back. Now he can’t play you or his mother any more. Make sure he pays child support. Don’t let his mother pick up the tab. But let her enjoy being a grandma. Screw Leo. YNTA.
He never really cared about you anyway - his actions have proved that. So you've lost nothing, and you've gained a grandmother and extended family for your little one. NTA.
I'd put his name on the birth certificate. BUT, I would not give your baby his last name. Give her your last name!
Be glad your child came now and not in a few more (wasted) years. Leo sounds like a player who tries to get the best for him on your cost. A relationship that is nowhere after 5 years will not go anywhere and all this waffling around about he will be there for the birth, not sure, will be absent the whole month sounds like he’s looking for someone else or having someone on the side anyway.
After speaking to his mom and discovering all the lies, do you really want to spend more time, money and energy on a relationship with him? Be happy that your child will have grandparents and look forward. And if he didn’t tell his family after 6 months that he will have a child, the best thing you could do was to tell them. NTA obviously.
You need to work on letting go of Leo. He very clearly let go of you a long time ago. You were comfortable and convenient when it suited him, but his behavior the last several months proved that he did not love you. Whatever relationship you once had is long dead. You telling his mom made him be honest for the first time, but the reality had been there quite a while. So, grieve it and let it go.
Knowing that, let go of whatever guilt you feel about telling his mom. You obviously know her and want her to know your baby. Since she's not toxic or crazy, she should 100% know her grandbaby. She also did you the kindness of opening your eyes to the lies Leo was telling you. No doubt there are many more.
Now, at least, you know you will have some support from her for baby, and baby will have that connection. Telling her did not change the reality of Leo, just forced you to open your eyes. You need to speak with a family attorney. Find out what your obligations are to Leo as far as information goes. Also, when you submit for child support. Get all those ducks in a row.
NTA. First, congratulations on having a baby and decision to keep the baby. Since you have endometriosis, this might be your only chance, but who knows. Anyway, congratulations.
Good you told his moms. If he is a deadbeat father/partner that does not mean his mom/parents do not want to be involved. There are so many amazing in-laws that want to be involved in grandkids lives. Have a great life! preferably without Lea as he is not worth you.