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'AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his last name or his mom at our wedding?' + Update

'AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his last name or his mom at our wedding?' + Update


"AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his last name or his mom at our wedding?"


Last December, my fiancé (m25) and I (f23) became engaged. The engagement itself was very unexpected, and felt very sudden, as we had only been dating for 2 years since. However, I accepted, as I love him, and I couldn’t imagine a future without him in it.

Since our engagement, we’ve had several wedding related conversations, and I’ve expressed to him numerous times that I would like to keep my maiden name, and not adopt his.

The reason for this is that my parents never had any sons, and I am an only child. I want to carry on the family name for my parents, and I want my children to have the choice of which last name they want to go by and/or both. I’ve expressed all of this to my fiancé, and he complied, and reassured me that he was ok with my decision on the matter.

As the wedding draws closer, I received a call from the cake planner last night regarding our cake, which we had met with him and designed a few weeks prior. He informed us that he had a sample prepared for us to come and see, so we drove there the next morning to sample it.

Needless to say, I was a bit shocked when he pulled out the cake, which had the words “Mr. And Mrs. Smith” (my husbands last name) printed on top. Thinking it was an accident, (though I had strictly told him just to write ‘Mr and Mrs’ on the cake).

I asked him to correct it for the final wedding cake for our wedding, which was in two weeks. He informed me that my fiancé had called him yesterday morning and had asked him to include “smith” on top, along with the previous initials.

On the car ride home, my fiancé informed me that he was not comfortable with me keeping my last name, and that he had had a conversation with his mother two days prior, in which she informed him it was “feminine, weak, and woke” for him to comply to my wishes, and that he was signing himself up for an abusive marriage.

Talking with the rest of the wedding planning staff, I found out he also instructed that the table centerpieces, official handouts, etc. all be changed to have “Mrs and Mr smith” on them instead of our separate last names, with the help from his mother.

After our argument, I informed him that I would call off the wedding if he did not comply with my wishes, and that I didn’t want his mother attending our wedding ceremony either way. He moved out and refuses to talk to me since. AITA?

EDIT: To clarify: I gave him the opportunity to do couples counseling as well as agreeing that we could do joint last names on any future children’s birth certificates, along with trying to have a rational conversation with him.

The argument STARTED when he called me a “woke idiot” for my decision (the one he had previously agreed to), and that’s when I told him it may be in our best interest to call off the wedding and banned his mother.

The main reason I’m upset is not because of his desire for me to take his last name, but that he originally told me he was fine with it, and then went behind my back and changed things against my wishes.



Yesterday evening, I made the decision to text my fiancé and call off the wedding.

I texted him the following message:

“Hey. I just wanted to let you know that the wedding is off. Please inform your relatives/friends that the only Mrs. Smith they will find standing near the aisle will be your mom.

I will mail back your ring to your mothers address, but please do not get in touch with me after this, or this woke idiot will take your sorry self to court”. To which he responded with a long profession of his love, including several “I didn’t mean it”s as well as “it was an accident”.

I left this message on read, and comfortably blocked his number…however I didn’t expect to receive a call from his MOTHER an hour later, who ran her mouth at me over the phone, and called me a “crazy b-word”, and informed me that she was going to make my life a living hell for what I did to her son.

I already made plans to change my lock and install a front porch camera, but should I be doing anything else to protect myself? I am also receiving nasty messages from my ex fiancés friends, threatening me for my decision.

I will plan to donate any/all food to a nearby homeless shelter, and I like another users idea to contact the baker and have the lettering changed to “woke idiot” instead. I will also contact any of my own friends/family about the cancellation and give my best explanation, as well as canceling the venue, photographer, etc. Thank you all!

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


The fact that his mother sent her what I’m guessing are NSFW screenshots of her son cheating. Why would someone in their right mind even do that?!!! Poor OP, I hope she starts feeling better soon. In time she’ll realize she dodged a bullet.


"feminine, weak, and woke” for him to comply to my wishes, and that he was signing himself up for an abusive marriage.

He then proceeds to bulldoze over her wishes, in secret, and demand she accept. Ooh, it definitely would have been an abusive marriage. I hope she has great life now. Those two fuck ups can have each other, in their weird emotionally incestuous way.


I know we're focusing on him being a cheating POS but why....did she have those....of her son....🧍


ah yes the trash took it self out.
OP dodged a whole nuclear arsenal!


Another man who wants a traditional wife who earns less than his non-traditional partner. What a LOSER.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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