New mom refuses to leave her own home with baby for fiancé's teenage daughter's visit. AITA?
"AITA for telling my fiancé I would not leave my house with our 6-month old baby for a week?"
Throw away but my fiancé (50M) and I (31F) just had a baby - a little out of order but we’re thrilled to pieces and so are our most of our family. Now, he has two teenage girls from a prior marriage. Neither have come to visit us yet - we live in a different state than their mom.
Instead, myself and their dad would normally visit 1-2x a month, staying at a hotel but going to take them shopping, out to eat, etc. I’ve opted out of 2/3 of the joint activities to make sure his girls have their alone time with him, and it seems like they’ve appreciated that.
Their mother is not my biggest fan. She and I are opposites in almost everything and she has made it clear she really wants nothing to do with me. That said, he and his ex are on civil terms, not best friends but fine coparents.
His older daughter (18) and I get along really well, and she’s planning to come and visit next spring for a couple weeks. His youngest (14) doesn’t openly dislike me, but is very introverted and attached to her mom which I can understand and empathize with, being a child of divorce.
My partner is desperate to spend more quality time with his youngest while she’s still growing up which I wholeheartedly support. Now comes the annoying part - as mentioned above, we just had a baby who’s almost 6 months.
His younger daughter has said she’ll come to visit too if it’s just him and her sister - no me and no baby. I’m not sure what planet they live on where this is a reasonable request. It’s not even his house, it’s mine.
He asked half jokingly if I would entertain the idea and I told him point blank “no”. He didn’t get angry but became a little moody and it totally set me off. I was so angry about the request and the fact that he would even entertain it, that I effectively stormed off.
He’s since apologized and I feel badly now just given the stress he feels to spend time with her, but I can’t help feeling justified that this is my house and I have a very young child - I am not going to uproot just on the whim of a teenager. Thoughts?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. I don't care whose name is on the deed. It's where you and your baby live. If younger daughter wants alone time with dad and sister, he should plan a quiet get away for the three of them somewhere, maybe near a mountain or lake or beach where they can do activities outside or in, without distractions.
NTA - you shouldn't have to leave the house WITH A NEWLY BORN BABY so the other kid can visit. This was an unreasonable request.
And this is why he isn’t with a woman his own age. Because they wouldn’t take his BS. Especially not in the house THEY OWN.
I agree with you, that it doesn’t matter whose name is on the deed. It is the home of both of them, and it would be unreasonable for her to ask him to leave his home were the situation reversed.
If he would so easily push out his wife and child, perhaps his daughters need to realize that this means he could easily push them out. They should want a dad who follows through on his commitments to his family.
And for them to insist that that family only be them is inappropriate. He doesn’t insist that they not be with their mom. They have other family members besides him, and it’s not appropriate for them to insist he should have no family members besides them. And if he wants to entertain the idea of time alone with his girls in the state he currently lives in, he can rent an Airbnb.
I disagree. This is her home and he's living in her home which technically is now his place of residence but if their relationship ended he would be the one leaving, not her.
Not only should he have told his youngest daughter that her request is inappropriate and his fiancé and the baby are his family as well, but he should have explained it's her home and it would also be inappropriate to ask her to vacate it so she can visit.
He needs to be firm that they are all family and she needs to find a way to accept the relationship and be a part of his life and brother's life as well. I don't see this relationship working out long term unless he makes it clear his fiancé and new baby are important to him.
NTA. He's a 50 yo who wants to kick out a new mother and her baby out of her own house?! The audacity!! Even if it's temporary, he should've never entertained it. He can rent a place using his own money if he wants because it's your house. No one decides who's welcome in it other than you. Not even a 14 yo who wants to spend time alone with her dad.
He can take them somewhere for vacation or rent out an apartment for some family bonding. But don't you dare leave your own house. What's she gonna ask for next? Is he her doormat?! Why don't you live in a house you co-own by the way. Are you the breadwinner? What does he bring to the table other than disrespect.
It’s shocking that he is so open to making your life more difficult, that he can’t see other options., ie., him leaving the house for a week. Having a discussion with youngest about why that is her demand, and how it isn’t going to happen. Actually enforcing his custody schedule and telling daughter that it’s not her decision if she’s going to visit or not.
He deserves some stress. He made a selfish ask. You have helped him facilitate his relationship with his daughters in the past, and will in the future, you sound like a decent human being. However his child’s demand, and his ask is unreasonable. NTA.
Having a kid with a guy who already seems like he wasn't the best/most present father probably wasn't the greatest idea and is probably why the 14 year old acts this way in the first place so I do feel for her, but you're NTA for not wanting to leave your home with a six month old.
NTA. He needs to nip this crap with his daughter in the bud. She doesn’t have to like you but she cannot come to your house and expect you not to be there. She can either come and spend time her dad at your place and be civil or he can make other arrangements but I wouldn’t put up with that crap.
So to appease his younger daughter your child is going to lose their father for x amount of time because he is being a moody teenager. Let me tell you that stage doesn’t end until they are maybe out of college. They think they run things and know everything at that age.