'AITA for telling my fiancé that I’m not going to run his errands today?'
"AITA for telling my fiancé that I’m not going to run his errands today?"
As I was heading out the door this morning my fiancé asked me to run him an errand while I was out grabbing the last few things for dinner. Begrudgingly I agreed even though I hate going to any retail establishment during the last mad rush of gift buying for Christmas.
I asked where I needed to go and I got a list of places that there were mobile orders waiting to be picked up. 5 different places all centrally located in the absolutely horridly planned retail area that he knows I hate.
I told him that he asked me to run an errand… operative word in that sentence is an. He said “Yeah, an errand of running out and getting these mobile orders that have been waiting for pick up. I was supposed to pick them up Sunday but I just didn’t get around to getting them.”
I told him no, I wasn’t going to put myself in the middle of retail hell for items that he’s known about since Sunday and had the time already this week to pick up. Now he’s mad because I won’t run around town picking up his items that he’s known about and didn’t plan well enough to pick them up.
He says they are Christmas presents for me and the family. I told him that trying to guilt me into it by saying they’re Christmas presents isn’t going to work and for him to take a couple of hours off work and go to get them himself. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA!!! My former boss used to say, "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
NTA. Five freaking stops? On Christmas Eve? That's not an errand, that's a goddamned holiday Iron Man Quintathalon.
NTA but he sure is. He is gaslighting you with that BS about is being one errand. He can’t even be bothered to pick up gifts he’s going to give but expects one of the recipients to do so for his lazy ass. I hope this is a one off and not a pattern or I’m wondering why exactly you’re engaged to him.
That’s not gaslighting that’s him misleading her from the jump so she agrees thinking it’s a minor inconvenience to her already scheduled program and then him claiming the definition of errand is plural gaslighting might be where he claims she offered to do all his errands last Tuesday.
And she never did any such thing… an authentic person would go you’re right I should’ve told you it involves six things not one. He’s a crappy fiancé and you need to let go of him OP.
So his purchases have been ready since Sunday but he is deciding not to go get them. It is his choice to do so. It is not your responsibility to go pick up gifts, especially some of them being your own! I mean, come on now. NTJ, your boyfriend is lazy. What else does he neglect and blame you for?
Oh he planned alright. He planned on having you run his errands because he just figured you would do it. Good on you for telling him no. Let him pout. His errands are his responsibility.
Please reconsider this relationship. I was married to someone who pulled this kind of stuff before we were married. It never stopped. It was exhausting and it's awful to be married to an adult-child.
I could write a long essay on how it just wears you down to have to constantly be the adult and say no, and then deal with the immature response. And when you are just so incredibly tired and you say yes, you have to deal with that, too.
I love my wife, and she puts in more work than anyone at the office, but she is so lazy with some things. She acted like it was mostly being an inexperience driver or because she wasn't as confident doing some thing as a foreign national earlier in our relationship.
I tried to be understanding. That was over a decade ago and she still acts helpless about a lot of things or just straight up refuses to do it. If I push the topic she just reminds me that she does more work than me at the office and she is too tired.
So, he's had since SUNDAY to run these FIVE errands. What has he been doing the past two days that he couldn't pick them up himself?
NTA. It would be nice of you if you would do it, but definitely not something he can expect, just because he is lazy and disorganized. Making someone pick up their own gift is particularly crumby move.
Good for you for setting boundaries and not letting your lazy boyfriend walk all over you. How this plays out over the next few days will tell you all you need to know about whether you should actually marry this clown or not. If he withholds gifts, acts like the injured party, or frankly even mentions it even once, that’s your sign.