'AITA for telling my fiancée her best friend isn't welcome at our wedding?'
"AITA for telling my fiancée her best friend isn't welcome at our wedding?"
I don't know if I'm being oversensitive or if this is genuinely as bad as it feels. I'm 26M, engaged to Lucie 27F. We've been together for 3 years, engaged for 6 months. Wedding is in May. She's the love of my life and I'm genuinely excited to marry her.
Except for one thing. Her best friend Tereza 27F.
Tereza has made it clear from the start that she doesn't think I'm good enough for Lucie.
At first it was little things. Backhanded compliments. "Oh you're a game developer? That's... fun. Like a real job or just playing around?" Commenting that Lucie's ex was "so successful" in front of me. That kind of stuff. I let it go because she's Lucie's oldest friend and I figured maybe she was just protective at first.
It's gotten worse.
Over the past year she's moved from subtle digs to straight up saying Lucie is "settling." She says it like it's a joke but she says it constantly. Every time we're all together.
"You know I love you both but Lucie could do SO much better, no offense."
Offense. Obviously.
"When's Lucie going to come to her senses?" With a little laugh.
"I give it two years max before she realizes." Wink at Lucie.
Two weeks ago we had a dinner party at our flat. Maybe 8 people. Tereza had been drinking and she got more bold than usual. At one point she literally looked at me across the table and said "I'm just waiting for Lucie to wake up and realise she's wasting her best years. No hard feelings."
I looked at Lucie waiting for her to say something. She laughed and said "oh that's just Tereza being Tereza" and changed the subject. No hard feelings? She told me to my face our relationship has an expiration date and my fiancée laughed.
I brought it up after everyone left. Told Lucie it really hurt me and Tereza has been saying this stuff for months. She said I was "taking it too seriously" and that Tereza "doesn't mean it like that" and she's "just protective."
Protective of what?? Lucie from marrying me??
The wedding is in 5 months. Tereza is supposed to be maid of honour. I don't want her there at all. I don't want someone who openly says our marriage won't last standing next to Lucie while we say our vows.
I haven't told Lucie yet. I know it's going to be a huge fight. But I also don't know if I can stand up there knowing Tereza is smirking behind us waiting for it to fail. AITA for saying she can't come?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA and I need to be real with you mate. The problem isn't just Tereza. The problem is Lucie. Tereza said to your face - in front of other people - that she's waiting for your fiancée to leave you. And Lucie laughed. Didn't defend you. Didn't shut it down. Laughed and said "that's just Tereza."
This. All of this. OP, I want you to imagine your wedding day. You're standing at the altar. Lucie walks towards you. And right behind her is Tereza, the woman who told you she's "waiting for Lucie to wake up." The woman who says you're not good enough. The woman who gives your marriage "two years max."
She's going to be in your wedding photos forever. She's going to give a maid of honour speech - what do you think THAT'S going to sound like? She's going to be there when you kiss your bride, thinking "not for long."
You're marrying someone who does not have your back. You're marrying someone who prioritizes her friend over you.
Let that all sink in. Then ask yourself if you should be marrying this person at all.
You have a fiancee problem that needs to be addressed. She will always allow her friend to steamroll and make fun of you. Shes more concerned of her friends feelings than yours. It will ALWAYS be like this- you okay with that? NTA but you would be if you continue this engagement.
NTA. But you have a fiancé problem, not a fiancé’s best friend problem. Your partner shouldn’t be letting someone treat you so badly. And they certainly shouldn’t stay friends with someone like that.
Lucie doesn’t have your back, and that’s something that needs to be addressed. If it’s not then it’s going to progressively become a bigger and bigger problem that will keep coming up in your relationship.
NTA. And I agree with everyone who's telling you that your fiancee is the problem. It seems like she's agreeing with her friend, since she's not shutting it down, especially after you've told her how much it bothers you.
Dude, Lucie doesn't love you. She allows her friend to insult you and doesn't defend you. You need to move on because this won't end well. She expects you to endure insults so get ready for her to insult you once she has you in a legal marriage. And don't have children with this teenager. She is not a loyal person except to her childhood friend.
Please save yourself the heartbreak and leave before its too late. Your fiance doesn't have your back like she should. She makes excuses for her friends blatant disrespect, and she clearly has no respect for you. Please do yourself the favor of not filing for annulment and leave her soon.
This is a Lucie issue 100%. She should have shut her friend down on multiple occasions. Lucie should have been the one to tell her friend that if she can’t be supportive of your relationship then she shouldn’t be the MOH at the very least. You two need to have a serious conversation about this level of disrespect. Tereza is poisonous.
OP, I think it's time to get real about your relationship with Lucie. I don't think it is as solid as you think it to be and, while I'm prepared to argue that Tereza's setting you both up to fail so she can come in and pick up the scraps, the fact she is still in Lucie's life and undermining Lucie's relationship with you suggests that Lucie either doesn't see the problem or worse, is in on the problem.
It's time to talk to Lucie's parents about your concerns with Tereza's behaviour, as well as to your own. If they want this wedding as much as you do, they will pull Lucie and Tereza aside and have that conversation. If they don't, or if Tereza persists after that conversation, call off the wedding and save yourself the heartache and humiliation and expense of a divorce with Tereza whooping it up in the background.