'AITA For telling my fiancé that she would look like a different person if she did this plastic surgery?'
"AITA For telling my fiancée that she would look like a different person if she did this plastic surgery?"
Froginwaiting
My fiancée is planning to do Texas jaw surgery and I don’t know how to feel about it but I told her that, “I hope you reach the result that you want, but I feel like that you would look different and I don’t know how to feel about it. But I will try to support your decision.”
She got really upset and told me “if appearances are so important for you and you feel that you might not like my new appearance, then we should break up now”. She told me that she doesn’t need one more thing to worry about other than the surgery, and that I’m making this about myself and that is her personal decision.
Her philosophy that the most important thing in a relationships is personality, that we are compatible with each other, and appearance is not important. She wanted me to respond to the surgery by saying, “No matter the result, I will find you beautiful.”
And she kept on and said that if an accident happened and led her appearance to be changed or disfigured would I leave her because of that? She then said to me that if, from the beginning, appearance was more important than personality, she would not have accepted me and would have wanted someone taller...”
**Edit: The surgery is also corrective surgery due to mouth breathing. Athough, she did already fix the mouth breathing issues. But now the surgery is only aesthetically corrective for "long face syndrome" which happened because of the breathing problem.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Richbeyondmeasure
Wait. Isn't that surgery to correct jaw misalignment, like under or overbite? Doesn't it correct TMJ? Is she having it for medical or cosmetic reasons?
sikonat
Jaw surgery isn’t a guarantee of fixing TMj it can sometimes make it worse BUT some have condylar replaced while having double jaw surgery so that can help with TMj. (You need certain scans to know if that’s necessary). OP writes she has long face which is from mouth breathing ie bc her jaw didn’t develop properly so yeah this is reconstructive jaw surgery.
AdviceYouDidntAskFor
YTA. This is corrective surgery. And you are worse for hiding that clarifying point in the initial post. You made it sound like she just felt like changing her jawline. She had a serious medical issue, which already caused her appearance to change.
Her appearance HAS ALREADY CHANGED from medical problems. Of course she'll look like a different person, that's what she wants. I imagine its very hard to see the damage that has been done to her face from years of medical issues.
She used to look one way, now she looks different, and that is probably extremely difficult and hard on her self esteem. Also, my understanding of long face syndrome is that it causes discomfort and daily issues to deal with.
She will probably be a lot more comfortable after the recovery. She deserves better than what you are currently giving her. Why would you want her to remain in physical and mental discomfort?
mrsdrbrule
I've had double-jaw surgery for medical issues several years ago. I had my maxilla widened and pulled forward and my mandible pulled forward and twisted to straighten it out.
But we're talking millimeters. I look exactly the same to everyone except my doctor. To me, I look like you caught my "good side" in a photo instead of my "bad side." That's the best way to explain it. OP is absolutely TA.
Puzzleheaded_Mix4160
YTA majorly for burying the lead and “forgetting” to mention that this is a corrective surgery revolving around medical issues. What the hell, dude.
xdrakennx
I’ve never seen anyone look worse after Texas jaw surgery. Most of the time it’s also done for medical reasons.
mrshanana
This is like when people have a scar that is disfiguring. All these people will be like it makes you strong, you survived, it's gorgeous, etc. Doesn't matter. If the person with the scar hates seeing it every day, get it fixed (though there are limitations, there are also great advancements in what can be done).
This has messed with his poor fiance her whole life. There is a medical fix, she is getting it. Appearance is like an SIDE EFFECT of the repair. A good one, and good for her, but also not the driving force here. We also don't know what trauma she sees every day in the mirror. Why in the world wouldn't he be happy for her.
Dipshitistan
"Appearance is not important." But also, "I'm paying five figures to change my appearance." NTA.
ETA: Your edit rather changes things, don't ya think? YTA for that and for purposely misleading readers.
buttertits4lyfe
...........You don't want her to get a surgery that will make her physically more comfortable and will raise her self esteem? YTA.
RepresentativePin162
So she wants to correct a long term jaw issue that potentially will change her face shape and you're acting like a douche? YTA.
Cloudinthesilver
YTA - this is corrective surgery. Mouth breathing, TMJ and all the issues surrounding both are crap. And all you care about is how she’ll look rather than her not dealing with the symptoms every day.
ChericaLove
She's getting it to medically correct her face after dealing with a medical issue that changed it. It's corrective not elective.. YTA.
Sylvurphlame
YTA. If she is doing this to correct a severe lower jaw recession then it’s for a medical issue. Even a significant over- or underbite can cause discomfort and secondary issues. Plastics and Orthodontics isn’t just for vanity. Sometimes it’s correcting a medically significant conformation issue.
Rhinoplasty might contour your nose to be more aesthetically pleasing, or it correct a deviated septum that causes you to snore and contributes to sleep apnea. Braces straighten your teeth, sure. But they can also correct issues that could become more severe or complicated down the line.
You didn’t say she wasn’t correcting a medical issue [before coming back with an edit] either because you didn’t do the research, didn’t listen, or are trying to tip the scales in your favor. Long face syndrome still falls under reconstructive to correct a severe underbite and jawbone that didn’t develop typically. Once, twice, thrice the AH.