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'AITA for telling my fiancée's mom she's clueless and needs to mind her own business?'

'AITA for telling my fiancée's mom she's clueless and needs to mind her own business?'

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"AITA for telling my fiancée's mom she's clueless and needs to mind her own business?"

Tough_Debate_832

I'm (27m) engaged to Sienna (26f) and we're having some trouble with her mom May. I get along fine with Sienna's family for the most part even May typically. But she has always been a little intrusive into my family life and wanting to know details that are really none of her business.

I don't have a close family, or a family at all really. My mom was a train wreck of a person who destroyed her life when she was previously married by cheating and getting involved with some shady guys, which ended her marriage and caused tension with her two kids from her ex husband.

She ended up pregnant with me and there were three guys who could have been the father and none were happy with the situation she made. When my father was confirmed she chose another guy instead and my father left the picture.

My mom ended up losing custody of me when I was 3 or 4 because she wasn't taking care of me, was letting her boyfriend mistreat me and they were involved in criminal activities that she had a long history of by that point.

Her other children's father was given sole custody of them and he was asked by a social worker to take me. He initially said no. Then someone, and I don't know who, told him that his kids would hate him forever if he left me to the system. So he took me in and let me live with them until I turned 18. But his kids didn't want me and he sure as hell didn't.

So while I had a "family" in the sense I grew up with other people in the same house, nobody actually wanted me there and it was made very clear to me by my mother's other children that I wasn't their sibling and they didn't hate their dad for not taking me because they didn't want me.

Their father wasn't hostile to me exactly but he was cold and he made it very clear I was not his kid. By the time I turned 17 I was on my own because he realized his kids had never loved me and I was dropped with the knowledge that nobody would come for him for leaving me at 17 when I was already working.

I have nothing to do with them now, or my mother, or my father, or extended family. Sienna's from a very complicated blended family. May appears to have a very defensive view of blended families and being aware somewhat of my past.

She has pressured me to reach out and invite "my family" to my wedding and, to her, my family means the man who raised me and his kids. Sienna has told her that won't be happening and we stopped seeing her for a period of time because of her insistence on bringing it up.

May finally decided to tell me I owe her the whole story and she'll be able to help me make amends with my family because that's what's best for everyone. I told her she was so clueless if she thought things worked that way.

I told her she needs to mind her own business because I don't owe her my whole background. Sienna kicked May out but not before May told me I had spoken to her harshly when all she was doing was helping. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Scarlet_Highlord

Nope. You're all good NTA. I hate people who have this weird savior complex when it comes to family; it's annoying and disrespectful to think that the world is a puzzle where everything fits neatly into place. It doesn't. Your "family" are terrible people and you have absolutely nothing to make "amends" for. I would consider going LC or NC with your Fiancee's mom for a while.

The OP responded here:

Tough_Debate_832

It annoys me too. I try not to be too annoyed at genuine people who really do mean well. But at some point it crosses the line from that to being an interfering, know-it-all of a person. That's something we are talking about a longer low contact period. See if that makes her realize we're serious.

ColdstreamCapple

NTA. Who is May to tell YOU how to feel? Why do I get the feeling she’s not as popular with her own kids that she thinks she is? End of the day OP you are allowed to feel how you do and NOONE can try and force you to have a relationship with family members who were clearly abusive to you. I’d almost reconsider inviting May to your wedding as I wouldn’t put it past her to turn up with your relatives for a “surprise reunion”.

The OP again reesponded:

Tough_Debate_832

You'd be correct about that and not just her kids but her stepkids and her husband's stepkids as well. She wants to believe they have an amazing and perfect blended family but it's not really the case.

BeMandalorTomad

NOPE. You are NTA, not at all. May needs to mind her business. Does she think she’s Dr. Phil? Wtf? Clueless is the nicest way you could have phrased it. I’m super proud of your fiancé for standing by you.

Mini_Godzilla

She's not helping, she's meddling. As complicated as your upbringing was, I wouldn't tell her about it. Don't give her any names or other details, because I wouldn't put it past her to go looking for your family on her own. It's great that your fiancée is pulling in the same direction as you. NTA!

plsuh

NTA. May needs to set up an appointment with a proctologist to have major surgery for a bowel obstruction — i.e., she needs to have her head removed from her ass. She’s projecting her own experience and situation on you, when the circumstances are not even remotely comparable.

Yet another example of someone who thinks that they can “fix” the family relationships as part of a major life event. It never ends well. Unfortunately, it may reach a point where May needs to be warned that if she persists, she will be disinvited from the wedding; and if she shows up with your father or other family both she and they will be thrown out.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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