'AITA for telling my friend to deal with the consequences of disrespecting girl code?'

"AITA for telling my friend to deal with the consequences of disrespecting Girl Code?"

I (23F) live in a dorm with 3 other female roommates. In an adjacent dorm, we have another group of girls that we also hang out with (will use pseudonyms for clarity). Just for context, we have all been friends for 3 & a half years of college. During those 3 years.

My roommate (Elle) had a boyfriend & a friend in the other suite (Liz) also had a significant other. 6 months ago, both relationships ended & Elle ended reaching out & suddenly dating Liz’s ex-boyfriend. When Elle for told me that she had started the relationship, she asked my opinion & I told her that “if Liz & the other girls find out, they will be pissed at you for disrespecting Girl Code.

If you are okay with them being mad at you, then do whatever makes you happy, but accept your consequences.” She agreed & said her new man made her happy so it was worth it. Fast forward, to when Elle finally reveals to Liz that she is dating her ex, Liz tells Elle that inevitable “I hate you and I never wanna see you again.”

Soon after the rest of the girl group, feels very betrayed by Elle’s decision & no longer want to be friends with her. Over the past few weeks, Liz will host events that everyone but Elle is invited to & Elle cries to that she feels extremely isolated & doesn’t know who to regain Liz’s trust.

I tell her that “I told you there would be consequences to your actions & there’s nothing I can do to fix that.” She gets mad at me for not supporting her relationship/her happiness & I must not care about her because I still hang out with the gang. So AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Key-Bit1208 said:

NTA. You told her the truth: she’s free to make her own choices but she’s not free from the consequences of those choices. If Elle is now upset at the OBVIOUS outcome of her choosing to date Liz’s recent ex, she has no one to blame but herself.

PresentationUnited43 said:

NTA. What the hell does she expect you to do? She made her bed, she can lie in it with her boyfriend.

Lola-the-showgirl said;

NTA. It's messed up to date your friends ex, Elle knew Liz would be hurt but she didn't care. It's not your job to fix this situation she created, and it's unfair of her to expect you to drop your entire friend group because Elle decided to chase after Liz's ex.

sleepyHedgehog99 said:

NTA. Elle is free to date her friend's ex if she wants, but Liz is equally free to cut her off if that makes her uncomfortable. You warned Elle from the start that this would damage her friendships and she chose to go ahead anyway; now she simply has to accept the aftermath of her actions.

Feeling isolated now is a natural consequence of her own choices, not something you personally caused. You're not obligated to fix the fallout for her or stop hanging out with the rest of your friends just to make her feel better.

ServelanDarrow said:

NAH. People date people they already know. Sometimes this means they dated a friend. It would be nice if you all gained a little maturity, but hopefully you will. A person is allowed to be annoyed if a friend dates an ex, but they don't get to dictate who a friend dates.

MaeLee1990 said:

Nta you told her the truth from the beginning. Elle is the ah for breaking girl code!! Play stupid games win stupid prizes. She is taking her anger and hurt out on you and it is not ok.