'AITA for telling a friend exactly why my wife and I wouldn't go on a trip with her?'

"AITA for telling a friend exactly why my wife and I wouldn't go on a trip with her?"

My wife and I (both 32, both F) have a friend named Anna (33). Anna is so sweet, very funny and can also be very naive. While this isn't always a bad thing, she is at times ignorant of how the world works/news etc.

Anna has family that owns a large vacation property in another country. She's long wanted to take a friends trip there, and is finally planning on doing so. Multiple people have been invited, and this past weekend when she and I got coffee, my wife and I were invited.

The problem is, homosexuality is criminalized in this country. In case you missed it, I am a woman married to a woman and I would not feel safe traveling there. I would especially be worried about my wife- she has a very classic "butch" look whereas I am more feminine. I know a lot of times these laws will pertain more towards gay men, but still. We would not feel safe, and that's what matters.

(FWIW, my wife knew we were probably going to be invited and said "f no" to any idea of traveling there when I mentioned it. I didn't make a choice for the both of us by myself.)

I told Anna, no, I'm sorry but my wife and I would not be able to travel there. Well, she pressed why, I said "because we're gay. That country criminalizes gay people." She just said "oh" and kind of awkwardly changed the topic.

Later though, I got a text. She said she felt I embarrassed her for not knowing and while she didn't know, it's not like she's homophobic or anything, just that she wants to go on a trip there and why did I have to be so blunt about it?

I'm really frustrated, and also- I feel bad. I'm not sure why. I guess I could have made an excuse, that airfare is pricey right now or we had something else planned but? My wife is saying I didn't do anything wrong. I don't know. AITA?

Later, OP edited the post to include:

Forgot to add, but I didn't include which country because I felt it was wrong. The government etc makes these choices- I would feel bad putting the blame on a whole country that certainly has an LGBTQ population, hidden or not. It's in the Middle East and that's all I'll say.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

No_Glove_1575 said:

NTA. Let me get this straight…your rich friend can walk around with the PRIVILEGE of not thinking about the bad things about the world….and when things (not directly about her) are brought up in the context of your safety, she gets mad at YOU?! You need to rethink this friendship - at 33 she is CHOOSING to be this ignorant.

Little_Hatsuko said:

NTA. People sometimes conflate GIVING THEM AN ANSWER or NO with being blunt. It’s not. You answered her, you told her no, and then you told her WHY. The why had nothing to do with her and everything to do with YOU AND YOUR WIFES (supposedly her friends) SAFETY and the country in question being anti-gay. Okay, she didn’t know, well, now she does! Because you told her!

Honestly, she’s being a kind of crappy about it. No one called her homophobic. She’s making it weird because she’s internalizing the NO and the WHY. This is a dumb thing for her to get upset over. Why not be like “OH SH$5, thanks for telling me, I didn’t know that! I don’t want yall to be in danger!” She’s taking it offensively which is a bad look. Bad vibe.

Ancient-Flan-2739 said:

NTA. I’m not sure why she is upset about you being “blunt” when you simply answered her question. I wonder if her embarrassment is coming from some significant cognitive dissonance.

dead_b4_quarantine said:

NTA. If your friend is so uncomfortable with hearing a direct answer about this I sincerely have no idea what "non-blunt" way she expected you to communicate this. If you're good enough friends you can ask her, but really you have ZERO to feel bad about. You didn't judge her or call her out at all, you answered the question by only saying something about yourself and your own reasons.

Sure she probably now feels guilty for inviting you and not knowing. Or guilty that she is vacationing there, a place you aren't welcome. Let her sit with the discomfort and guilt. That's not on you, it's for her to handle, and hopefully grow from this experience.

Ready-Leadership-423 said:

NTA. You handled that situation like an adult. Unfortunately, it seems Anna is still a child.

DRHdez said:

NTA. She’s embarrassed of her own ignorance. You didn’t reject her invite you refused to go somewhere you and your wife won’t be safe.