'AITA for telling my friend he needs to move out before our child’s therapist starts coming to our home?'

"AITA for telling my friend he needs to move out before our child’s therapist starts coming to our home?"

About two years ago, my girlfriend and I took in a friend who was living out of his car. We have four kids (one of whom is 3 years old and on the autism spectrum), and we offered him a place to stay because we wanted to help him get back on his feet or find a place with his girlfriend. He’s bounced back and forth between staying with us and visiting her at her dorm, but lately he’s been living full-time on our couch.

Since he’s been back, we’ve noticed a growing tension. He seems annoyed in the mornings when our kids wake up early and make noise (as kids do). He gets visibly frustrated when our youngest two accidentally touch his belongings, and he’s started using a passive-aggressive tone toward us and the kids.

He hasn’t contributed any rent or bills in the entire time he’s stayed with us, which, yes, is partly on us for not setting clear boundaries. But he also hasn’t shown any real steps toward finding his own place. Our home isn’t really suited for roommates — it’s a loud, busy family home with young kids, and the dynamic just doesn’t work.

To make matters more complicated, we recently found out that a therapist may be able to start working with our autistic child at our home in the mornings (around 9 AM to noon). That’s something we really need to prioritize, but I’m sure it will disturb my friend’s sleep and likely make things more tense.

At this point, my girlfriend and I are strongly considering telling him he needs to move out before the therapy sessions begin. We’re already adjusting our lives around him — like the kids staying in their rooms longer in the mornings so he can sleep — and it’s just not sustainable anymore.

Would I be the ahole if I told him he needs to leave before therapy starts, even though he just got a job and still doesn’t have a place lined up?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Kukka63 said:

2 years!!!!! Two years you have supported a lazy, entitled freeloader who doesn't really like your children. Give your head a wobble, why on earth would you go along with this sort of nonsense.

lammcmahan656 said:

NTA. Why are you accommodating a rude guest?! Our kids are before everyone. I would let them run wild in the house , let him snap, then tell him he needs to go. Let those kids out of their rooms!

GloryIV said:

You would be the AH if you didn't give him the boot yesterday. You and your wife have really gotten your priorities mixed up. Your kids are noticing that he's being a d to them and that is have an affect whether you can see it or not.

You're letting this guy dictate when your kids can and can't come out and play? Dude. He's taking advantage and your kids are suffering for it. Right now you are NTA. But that changes rapidly if you let this keep happening.

catladyclub said:

NTA...he should be making do with whatever he was given. Time for him to go forever. Let this be a lesson to you! Your children and your peace come first.

Potential-Power7485 said:

NO, no, no. He needs to go. YTA to your family for bringing in someone who is disrupting your home life for the sake of what? To the benefit of who? He's not even family. Tell him he needs to go and this is the reason. Your family comes first and foremost. He needs to get his shit together and he is not doing that with you enabling him not to.

WholeAd2742 said:

Definitely ESH. The hell are you doing keeping a deadbeat around for 2 years when you're raising young and autistic children who have special needs? No shit he needs to move, the therapist will likely blow a gasket. And stop being the perpetual doormat letting this guy take advantage of your home and family