'AITA for telling my friend I won't be her son's godmother because she only asked me so I'd give expensive gifts?'
"AITA for telling my friend I won't be her son's godmother because she only asked me so I'd give expensive gifts?"
My friend "Stacey" (32F) is having a baby in 2 months. We've been friends since high school. Last week she asked if I'd be the godmother. I (31F) was honored and said yes.
Then she sent me a list of "godmother duties" which included buying specific expensive gifts for every birthday and Christmas (she listed exact brands and price ranges starting at $200), contributing to his college fund monthly ($300 minimum), and "being available for financial emergencies."
I was confused and asked if this was a joke. She said no, these are "standard godmother responsibilities" and since I'm childfree and make good money I can "easily afford it."
I said that's not what a godmother is, that's a ATM machine. She said in her family godparents are expected to financially contribute and I agreed to the role so I'm committed.
I told her I'm un-agreeing then. I'm not signing up to spend thousands of dollars on her kid every year. She got really upset and said I have "backed out of a sacred promise."
I said you didn't tell me it came with mandatory expensive gift requirements. She said "everyone knows that's what godparents do" and I should've assumed. I've been to other christenings where godparents give normal gifts, this isn't universal.
She told our friend group I "abandoned her baby" and several of them think I should have clarified expectations before backing out. But she never mentioned money when asking! AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, she basically tried to trick you into being her personal bank account.
That's not godparenting, that's financial servitude with extra steps.
I'm godfather to my niece and I go above and beyond because I love that kid.
But she also doesn't come with +$4,000 in annual fees.
Sounds to me like OP's "friend" selected her as Godmother solely because of the size of her bank account, and not because she could set a good and Christian example for the child. Yuck. Entitled people like this give Christianity a bad name.
Being a godparent is about ensuring the child's spiritual journey, nothing to do with spend. Yes, a godparent would give gifts, like any other extended family adult. She is just looking for the money grab.
You did not "abandon" the child. I am sure there are other members in her circle that help guide her kid through the spiritual stuff. If not, lots of people don't have godparents. NTA.
If that is how it is in her family, she should look for a godparent in her family.
I have never heard of any godparent doing anything more than agreeing to keep an eye on the kid if something happens to the parents.
NTA. I would tell your friend group what Stacy's expectations are. Send Stacy "The beginner's guide to being a godparent" and tell her to show you where it says that you should provide expensive gifts and/or money contributions.
You “abandoned her baby” girl that baby is HER responsibility not yours! This is not normal. She is using you as an ATM and is expecting you to just roll over and do it. Tbh I would end a friendship over something like this, but that’s just me.
Everything these days has become a cash/attention grab. Being a godparent means you’re supposed to just be there for the kid if something happens to his parents 🙄 that’s literally everything else is just people showing their true colours whether it’s good or bad.
I have four godchildren. This isn't normal and neither is your friend. 🙄 I purchased one gift of my choice (a Bible, a cross necklace, the baptism clothing....pick one, not all). Never a contribution to college. That's not your job.
I echo all of the above. But I’d like to point out one thing specifically - this woman is NOT your friend, and likely never was. I wish so much that people would stop conflating the word “friend” with the word “acquaintance”.
A lot of problems with other people resolve so easily when we stop using the word friend for someone we chat with regularly. Those people may become friends - but they are not friends yet.
NTA. I have never heard of a godparent having these types of responsibilities. Contributing $300 monthly to college fund? Your 'friend' is a selfish entitled awful awful PoS. Dump her & block her , but keep the list she sent you in the event she badmouths you. 'Sacred promise' ? She's literally evil.
NTA. My god parents are stupid wealthy (by average people's standards) They once gave me a microscope, And when i was around 6-7 they flew me from the bay area to LA to go to Disneyland....that was about it aside from very standard birthday gifts.
NTA. If I wanted to throw away money every month I’d join a gym and never use it. Also she should have clarified the expectations before asking you but I’m guessing she knew if she did you would have said no.
NTA. hello! Godmother of four children here - that's not how it works. Your friend is being a jerk. We're here for love and support and, God forbid something were to happen, to make sure that the kids get the love and protection that their parents would have given them.
Definitely not overreacting. I would be flabbergasted if someone tried that 🐂💩 on me. Where I come from, a godparent promises to take care of the child if something unfortunate happens to both parents.
NTA. Your friend is psychotic. Proud godfather here and never been asked or heard of any godparents being asked to contribute to a college fund on an ongoing monthly basis, let along a list of expensive gifts planned out for the next however many years.