'AITA for telling my friend that I’m sorry her parents don’t love her as much as mine love me?'
"AITA for telling my friend that I’m sorry her parents don’t love her as much as mine love me?"
Alternative-Stay-908
I (22F) have a friend named Amy (22F) who I met in college. Currently we are in our last semester of college. I live alone, but she shares her apartment with two other people. We never really spoke about our finances much, but I know that both of our parents currently pay our rent. The issue started when we talked about our future plans.
I told her that I’m probably going to get a job and do my Master’s at the same time so that I can save up a little but also to finally have my own money to spend on some things that I love and to travel. She laughed at me and asked me what kind of salary I expect while working part-time to be able to afford all that.
I shrugged and said I didn’t have any expenses that I’d need to cover really, just food and that’s it. She looked shocked and asked me about rent and stuff and I said ny parents will be paying for it.
She then went on a rant about becoming an adult, how she can’t wait to be independent, how she doesn’t want to take money from her parents and stuff like that. For the most part I tried to nod my head and listen to her, but then she said something like “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you.” And that really made me feel embarrassed.
My parents want to pay for my apartment, they can easily afford it and I’m not the type of person to be ungrateful for it. I spend a lot of time with them, I know they don’t lack money for anything, they travel, own their house, have a good retirement plan.
They don’t mind paying for me and I don’t mind taking it. We have a good relationship. I know this won’t be forever and I don’t expect it to be. Just a few years until I finish my degree and get a higher paying job.
I got annoyed and told her to drop it, we can talk about something else but she continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle and just more and more nonsense. (Not sure how important it is, but between the two of us, my grades are significantly better and I’m a few exams ahead of her in terms of passing this semester)
I just cut her off and said “Well, I don’t know, maybe my parents love me more than yours love you so they want to pay. I’m sorry for that. Can we now talk about something else?”
We didn’t talk since and I do feel bad because I know that love has nothing to do with money and looking back, it’s such a rude thing to say, but I just said it to shut her up because she was insulting me and calling me spoiled for no reason.
I wasn’t even the one to start this conversation nor did I probe into her finances. She was the one who kept it going. Ever since that day I feel a pit in ny stomach and I really didn’t want to insult her.
INFO/EDIT: Just adding some stuff because I feel like it may be relevant.
I feel like Amy’s intention wasn’t genuine because she currently accepts her parents paying rent, food, utilities, everything. So do I. The conversation was about after college.
I mention my academic success because she said I will never be ambitious when I try really hard. We also don’t live in the USA, and parents support isn’t so uncommon.
And lastly, while this may not convince people, I really do appreciate my parents and everything they do for me. I don’t plan to leech on them, and this is something they know and that’s what matters to me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
RandomizedNameSystem
ESH. Life ain't fair. I grew up poor and went to a college with a lot of rich kids. It was so frustrating to see all these kids who basically had a bottomless credit card and no debt. I was jealous, of course - anyone who says they aren't is lying. But, it's an AH mode to gripe and complain. It's not the rich kid's fault their parents are rich.
1962Michael
ESH. You are definitely an AH for saying such a thing. Money does NOT equal love. EVER. That said, she was an AH for not dropping the subject earlier, and trying to make you feel like you were taking advantage of your parents.
Both of you have loving parents. They may not have the same amount of money. But besides that, they can have different ideas about the best ways to support your careers and lives. In this case since you do have better grades you are perhaps a better candidate for a Masters program which in the long run will make continuing to support you a good investment.
She may want to continue her education, but her parents have decided they will not support her past her bachelor's. That doesn't mean they don't love her as much. They may have limited funds (note she has roommates to reduce expenses) or they may rightly believe she's not a good candidate for an advanced degree.
But you have to see that she is trying to reconcile her situation and yours without thinking her parents don't love her. Certainly there are students who want to stay in college at their parents' expense for as long as possible, and avoid having to take care of themselves financially. I don't think that applies to either of you.
AussieDave63
And I presume that if OP's parents change their minds and decide to no longer pay her rent by her own logic then that proves they don't love her either.
Alternative-Stay-908 (OP)
I don’t really believe that money equals love. As I said, my relationship with my parents is amazing, they’re supportive, we spend a lot of time together. The comment was said in a more sarcastic tone, I felt like I had to defend myself from all the insults. I understand it was a childish comment. I will be apologizing, but probably won’t be mending the friendship after that.
kylolahren
ESH. She pushed you and was being rude and combative; however, you didn’t have to engage in the conversation anymore. Once she refused to change the subject, you could’ve just left. While I understand what you said was out of retaliation, it wasn’t necessary and was hurtful. Honestly, though, I don’t think it’s a huge loss to not speak to her. She doesn’t sound like she’s a positive person to be around.
cersewan
I really can’t blame you for that. She wouldn’t shut up insulting you so you shut her up. I would think she’s the one who owes an apology. If she wasn’t being so obnoxious and judgmental towards you wouldn’t have snapped back.