'AITA for telling my friend he's insecure and not factually correct?'

"AITA for telling my friend he's insecure and not factually correct?"

For years, I've (21F) had to deal with my mate from school (21M) talk incessantly about how unattractive he is. He is NOT unattractive in the slightest, as he is muscular, lean, and overall good looking.

We got into an argument a few days ago because despite me asking him to not bring the topic up again, he once again started on his rant, however this time, he presented all sorts of "evidence", quoted here: "I don't have blue or green eyes, I'm not tall at all, I'm not white, I don't have naturally perfect sitting curly hair its just curly, I'm not big, I'm not super muscular."

After he texted me that, I told him that his entire argument reeks of insecurity. He started flipping out and told me that everything he mentioned proves he doesn't fit into the conventional standards of beauty and he's just being realistic, he's not insecure in the slightest and him acknowledging his flaws is actually him "knowing his value."

I tried to explain to him that conventional beauty standards differ from person to person and are COMPLETELY opinion based and he shot me down and told me that he's simply being realistic (once again.).

I told him that he needs to fix his delusion and realize that his "realistic" mindset is actually just him being incredibly insecure or else I don't want to talk to him anymore because he couldn't even respect the fact I asked him not to bring the topic up again.

He texted all of our friends and they're telling me that I needed to be nicer to him because (even in their opinions) he's just suffering from insecurity and losing a long time friend will make matters worse for him.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Metallikyle said:

NTA, he's internalized a lot of toxic rhetoric and is regurgitating it all over you. It's not your responsibility to be his emotional support person.

extinct_diplodocus said:

NTA. Over time, having an insecure friend constantly monolog about reasons for their insecurity just gets tedious. You're not a therapist. If you've grown tired of the constant complaints, withdrawing from contact is a natural response. You might give one last try by strongly suggesting professional therapy before you throw in the towel.

Spare_Ad5009 said:

NTA. He seems to have body dysmorphia. You can't validate his opinion, so you are really stuck.

volpiousraccoon said:

NTA but this guy needs an intervention. I've seen guys that fall down internet rabbit holes get into feeling bad about themselves. To them, anything that challenges their depressing mindset is met with hostility. They based a lot of their self perception on a flawed mindset, not exactly accurate to reality.

Joubachi said:

NTA - he has issues he needs to resolve, but that isn't your job. It sounds like there is more going on than just insecurity, but this is for him to figure out and handle, not you. You are free to walk out of this situation to keep your own sanity and mental health safe.

On a personal note - he sounds exhausting. If I had a friend who'd talk themselves down every time I talk to them, I'd leave too. This would definitely worsen my mental health as well.

Frenchie_in_the_am said:

NTA. You're correct and he seems insecure. Which is okay in itself, if he comes to term with the fact that he has these insecurities, rather pretending he's "being realistic."

He might have dysmorphia, which is okay too, but needs to be addressed with the appropriate party. Additionally, you are not a therapist, and you are valid in asking him not to mention this to you anymore if he is not going to hear what you have to say in return.