'AITA for telling my friend she needs to put her horse to sleep?' 'I'm wondering if I crossed a line.'

"AITA for telling my friend she needs to put her horse to sleep?"

I am genuinely feeling like the biggest ahole at the moment so please let me know. I (33f) have a friend Alex (31f) who I have known for over 2 decades. Both of us are into equine sports and horses and have been since we were very little (5-6yo). Both of us have our own horses.

One of her horses "Jack" (20m) has been retired for the past year, she had him for about 10 years. Unfortunately last week he had a freak accident while out in the field which resulted in his forearm (between the horses' "knee" and the shoulder) breaking and piercing the skin (so open wound). I am gonna be honest- it doesn't look good and the rehab for it is incredibly long and difficult.

Jack is clearly not handling it well, it took ages for the vet to come over, and he just has been stabilized to make sure he doesn't move and they are waiting for a surgery slot to open up.

There's an option for a sooner surgery but it means Jack will have to be transported to the city about 6-8 hours away which is not something he can manage in his condition, considering he can't put any weight on his front leg. And we still not sure how soon he was found after the injury happened.

I have been talking to Alex on the phone yesterday and while acknowledging how much he means to her, I have suggested she might need to consider to put him to sleep considering the amount of pain he is and how he clearly doesn't want to fight. I have been very gentle with her and it was not blurted out of nowhere.

Unfortunately it triggered Alex and she called me an ahole and a b and hung up. While I feel for her pain, it is also something I would have done for any of my horses in a similar condition and situation, so I am wondering if I have crossed the line and am an ahole because of the suggestion.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

goatmom5 said:

NTA. I am an animal rescuer. I'm almost positive the vet made the same suggestion. The owner wants to try to save her beloved horse. Some people have a difficult time making this decision. It is a terrible situation to be in. I hope she does what's best for her beloved animal. Whatever that may be.

Independent-Moose113 said:

NTA. Horses were literally shot "back in the day" when they suffered this exact injury. Jack will never fully recover, even after surgery. He's clearly suffering, and in pain. The humane thing to do is put him down. I'm very sorry to say this.

harleybidness said:

NTA. If you are both horse people...you should know that a horses don't usually survive a broken leg. You might be an ahole because you didn't know this fact. Professional horsemen do not punish their horses by extending the pain and suffering from a leg break while dying.

Nyssa314 said:

NTA. A 20 year old gelding with a broken front leg...if I couldn't get a vet there within an hour of finding him that way I would call someone with a gun. There is no excuse for letting him suffer longer than that.

hypotheticalkazoos said:

NAH. You brought it up once. Don't bring it up again. if she brings it up then you can listen to her talk about it. I'[m sure she's being bombarded with similar messages and its a scary time for her.

MistressLyda said:

NTA. "Jack" is going with a open broken leg for two days before it is looked at. Has to be transported for 6+ hours several weeks after the break happened. This is not a grey area situation, this is an animal in insane amounts of pain, that has no chance of recovery. This is bad enough for that I would reported it in to the official animal welfare "police" here, and the horse would most likely been shot by them.

arsenal_kate said:

NTA. You have the best interests of the horse in mind. He’s in pain and any treatment will mean more suffering. You made a very reasonable and kind suggestion.

Later, OP edited the post to include more information:

This gets asked a lot - I am unsure what the vet has said to her as it was a private talk between them and the vet finally showed up 2 days after the initial call. Unfortunately the vets in our country are not great and I have personally witnessed them that a pet can be saved when it has been halved.

And I also find it dodgy how theres no available spots till late in the month for an operation, considering we don't have a lot of yards or farms in the area. I am not a vet myself, all I did was some first aid courses for both humans and horses, but not qualified to obviously operate or doing prescriptions.

Some facts about horses for non horsey people to explain why I said what I said. About 55 to 60% of horse's bodyweight is concentrated at the front. They need their front legs for pressure. As Jack's front leg is injured he can not apply pressure on it without hurting it further and also can't balance himself properly for long periods of time on 3 legs.

Horses can not lay down for long periods of times due to their weight. A couple of hours maximum, any longer they will likely to end up with injuries that will get worse the longer they are laid down. Hence why it is also important to make sure the horse stands up during most of emergencies or things like colics. Horses also need both of their front legs working to be able to stand up from lying down.