'AITA for telling my friend, 'next time then' after I missed her wedding?'
"AITA for telling my friend, "Next time then." after I missed her wedding?"
Dartheril
We are childhood friends. We have a brother sister relationship. This gal married at age 23 for the first time. Her husband was a nice guy. Good looking, good character...
They got a divorce 1 and a half years after because my dear friend wasn't feeling it anymore. After some time she found someone else (no she wasn't cheating.) This guy is someone I approve of, too.
Sadly, I got sick and hospitalised just before the wedding and couldn't make it so she and her husband visited me. We had some laughs and she said:" I wish you were there with us too.
I wanted to have my 3rd dance with you." (context: 1st dance is for the groom, 2nd for the father and 3rd is for the brother if bride has any.) To lighten the mood (note that I was under heavy medication) I blurted out: "Don't worry. I won't miss the next one."
After I said that, her husband was genuinely laughing, but she stopped dead, slapped me in the face and immediately left. A week has passed and she hasn't spoken to me...
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Dipshitistan
I'm gonna give you a pass because:
1) You were medicated.
2) it's a funny line.
GrimEcho21
Well, if being medicated means dropping gems like that, I might just need to start a prescription myself! Seriously though, you get a pass this time just don’t make it a habit or we’ll have to start charging for the laughs.
PoppysMelody
“I was on a lot of pain killers and was trying to make you laugh. I am sorry I made light of your feelings. I also really wanted to be there.”
NTA. That was diabolically funny. Also that guy laughing may have signed her up for number 3 😂😂😂
lilhappypumpkin1020
NTA it was funny. She slapped you. That is not ok everyone is kinda glossing over that. I would count that friendship over if it was me. No matter how insulted you may feel hitting someone is wrong. You were heavily medicated and recovering she should be thankful you or the hospital dont press charges. Taking into account the staff didn't see what happened and report it.
Dashqu
Whatever happened to "it's not a joke unless everyone is laughing?" You made a joke at her expense, she didn't think it was funny. That means you owe her an appology. Do I think she overreacted? Hell yes. Do I think your joke was funny? Also yes.
But my feelings didn't get hurt, hers did. So you have to decide whether or not this friendship is important to you or not. If yes, apologize, if not, then find friends who don't get physical when upset.
Two days later, he OP returned with an update.
Dartheril
My friend contacted me and invited me for drinks. They were back from their honeymoon and we went to a pub we frequent for another round of celebration since I missed pretty much everything.
We both apologized to eachother, me for the joke and her for slapping me. I asked about the silence they told me it was a combination of both being abroad for honeymoon and feeling awkward after the slap. She admitted that she found it funny after she cooled down.
Her husband found the joke hilarious apparently but he made me promise to pay the alimony if they get divorced so now; I have motivation to make this marriage last as long as it can. XD
Aside from that everything is cool. We got to have the dance I missed too.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
OneTwoWee000
It’s disturbing that her slapping you is brushed under the rug as an equal offense to your words. She should be profusely apologetic about hitting you over a comment she didn’t like. Glad she thinks it’s funny now, but you’re way more forgiving than I would be.
Beneficial-Ball8375
I really like this update and I really like her husband's remarks.
He's funny, kill him last ;)
MarsupialMisanthrope
You and your friends are totally TA for being reasonable people and depriving us of weeks of ever escalating dramatic twists and turns in the saga of nutcases by communicating like actual adults. What is this world coming to? I’m glad you guys patched it up. Best of wishes to all of you.
cremebruleebaby
It sounds like you and your friend were able to work things out after the initial misunderstanding, which is great to hear! Your ability to share a laugh about the situation and even participate in the dance you missed shows that you both value your friendship.
LandDangerous277
Ah yes, the part where jokes merit physical violence is hilarious and everyone knows that only makes friendships stronger. Why is the comment section cheering on this type of BS? When did becoming uncivilized by physically assaulting others become "cool"? Wtf?
Former-Living-3681
Well this is refreshing! It’s amazing how analyzing & accepting the part you played in an argument & apologizing can fix so much! I find our society seems to no longer be willing to analyze the part they play in arguments, divorces, relationships falling apart, & everyone seems to be the victim. Realizing we may have done things wrong too is so important.
I love that you guys were able to admit you both probably did things wrong & just apologize & move on! And I especially love that even though she was way more in the wrong for slapping you, that you were not only able to forgive her but accept that you obviously (even though unintentionally) really hurt her feelings and were still able to apologize for that!
I love when people take the high road and are the bigger person! This person is family to you & I love that you didn’t let this fight wreck that special relationship. Well done OP!!
BakeCalm9657
Yes, apologizing is the right thing to do, but I would also tell her that you were high on medication and not in your right mind, and even if you weren't, why the hell did she feel like she could hit you? Absolutely not okay. If one of my friends slapped me, it better be for such a good reason, because unless I 100% believe I deserved it, they're about to get it right back (and then I'm cutting contact with them).
I'd be expecting a written apology. Her husband might need proof that she's abusive down the road when they get a divorce, and it'd be nice if you could help a victim of domestic abuse get out of a bad situation.