'AITA for telling my friend she couldn't wear a dress to my birthday party?'
"AITA for telling my friend she couldn't wear a dress to my birthday party?"
I have known this friend for 5 years now, and we are both adult females. My clothing style is rather bland, but she always goes all out and has the snazziest outfits. That being said, she wears whatever she wants, and usually I don't care.
But, for my birthday this year, I invited my friends to a fancy restaurant. (I'm a foodie and always wanted to try it, so my friends agreed to all split the bill instead of bringing me gifts.)
The restaurant does not have a dress code, but what information I gathered from it online said that it was expected to dress formally. (I know that people have different ideas if formal, but some level of decency is required.)
A few days before my birthday, my friend sends a picture of what she is going to wear into a group chat that we have with everyone that is going to attend. Everyone is hyping her up, and the outfit is super cute. It's also super sheer.
The dress is made of translucent beige fabric, and you can see very well through it her undergarments. What she was wearing under the dress were niple cover stickers and a th0ng.
I asked her if those were the items that she wished to wear under her dress that day, and she said yes. I asked her to reconsider her outfit choice and ether wear a non-translucent dress, or keep the dress but wear more covering undergarments.
She got very upset about this and said that she felt like I was restricting her body and her self-expression. I told her that on any other day, she can wear that outfit, but she can't wear it to a nice restaurant on my birthday.
Now, she is saying that she does not want to come to my birthday party. This upsets me because I care about her a lot, so I want her there at my birthday party and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
However, I don't feel comfortable with her wearing that dress with those undergarments to my birthday party at the fancy restaurant. AITA for not letting my friend wear what she wants?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I'm probably going to get voted down a lot but you are not in the wrong at all. Wear that to the club. Wear it to your own party but out in public at a fancy restaurant. It really is not appropriate. And you as the host are allowed to have a dress code. And you're not really being that picky.
You just don't want to see-through dress with nipple covers as appropriate item to wear at your party. Your friend is being belligerent and Petty and wants to be the center of attention. You could have a better dress code than that.
If she wants to do that tell her to do it at her own party at her own invitation. And if she does not want to come because she doesn't want her to wear that and that's her choice and her right. NTA, decorum and decency should still exist.
NTA. I don’t think the patrons at a nice restaurant would want to be subjected to your friend’s nipple cover stickers and thong while they eat their dinner. I would also hope the establishment would not allow her to dine there dressed like that. She obviously wants the attention all on her instead of you.
I don’t know why you want to be friends with someone that needs to be the center of attention at your party. She can wear that outfit at a club, but wearing that at a nice restaurant is rude to you, the restaurant, and the other patrons in the establishment. Tell her to stay home.
NTA. At first I was going to say YTA but then I read on. Birthday or no birthday, it’s flat out embarrassing to have someone in your group wearing such revealing clothing, and at a more fancy/formal venue at that. She sounds like someone that wants/needs lots of attention and she’s TA for pushing this issue. Just wear something normal, how hard is it?
NTA. Your request is reasonable. Why is she trying to be the center of attention at your birthday party? Is she always that way? Even though this is a short post, she seems exhausting. Are you sure you should "care about her a lot"? She sure doesn't care very much about you.
NTA. You can think an outfit is super cute but it still can be inappropriate depending on the setting. For a nice restaurant celebrating your friend? Not the place. A club or her birthday? Sure! It’s your birthday. Why would she want to wear an attention grabbing dress to a nice restaurant?
That’s a bit disrespectful to you and just tacky as friend behaviour goes.😅 I kind of wonder if she’s the type to also try and get away with wearing something off white or silver at a wedding. 😆
She opened herself up to discussion by posting the outfit. She sounds a bit narcissistic. Making your birthday about her. I kind of wonder if she was trying to get this reaction from you on purpose because she likes drama.
NTA. I think you are better off telling her that it isn’t the most appropriate dress for the restaurant. But if you can’t get through to her, I’m sure the restaurant would be more than happy to tell her that they have a dress code, and her dress does not meet it.
"now she is saying she doesnt want to come to my birthday party" good. let her sit it out and lose out on the fun. she made her choice, and she chose the dress.
NTA. The outfit you describe that she intends to wear is not suitable for a restaurant, formal or not, birthday or not. She is attention-seeking when this gathering is not about her.
It’s a bit repulsive to see too much flesh around a meal, and it seems non-hygienic in some way. Asking her to dress appropriately is fair. I’m all for self-expression but this is something else. She’s not about celebrating you, she’s celebrating herself.