'AITA for telling my friend that her 'free' wedding is unrealistic?'

"AITA for telling my friend that her 'free' wedding is unrealistic?"

I (24F) am a member of a friend group in which one member (we'll call her Coral, 23f) is getting married. She announced her engagement to her fiancé (25m) a few weeks ago and we were all happy for her! Over the weekend, though, she shared more specific plans for the wedding, and that's where things have kinda gone off the rails.

She said she's been seeing a lot of people on TikTok and insta showing how to plan "free" weddings--weddings where the couple spends zero dollars (aside from the marriage certificate fee I guess). At first I thought she meant a city hall wedding, which would be completely fine! But then she got I to the details and her expectations for the ceremony.

She's going to try and find someone with a large outdoor space to use (not formally a wedding venue) who will donate their area in support of "love", she's going to have all of her guests bring a potluck (with very specific assignments), she will have a friend officiate, a friend do photography, a friend do save the dates and invites, her family do the flowers, etc.

Including some harder-to-swing (imo) things like getting a large tent, decorations, wedding favors, speakers, band, etc. I'm not sure what her plan was for a dress. What's more is that Coral and her fiancé really aren't poor, from what I can tell. She works as an accountant at a big company and her fiancé does software(?) sales.

Plus his parents are loaded. It sounds like they just want to do the free wedding thing for the sake of it. That would be okay, but she is just shifting all of the costs onto other people (some of whom are probably less well off).

She told me that she wants me to make the cake, and then sent me some pictures "for inspiration." The cakes were ridiculously elaborate. We’re talking multi-tier, fondant flowers, gold leaf, and one even had a hand-painted watercolor design. I’m not a professional baker, I just like to bake cookies and brownies sometimes.

I told her that those cakes would probably take me days to make, and they wouldn't come out anywhere near as good. She kind of laughed that off and said, "Oh, it’s not about it being perfect, it’s just about everyone pitching in. It’ll be fun!"

I told her that, fun or not, what she was describing was basically her friends and family subsidizing her wedding (with time, money, and labor) and that it was kind of unfair to expect people to spend so much on her “free” wedding. Or else, she was expecting everyone to show up to a lackluster event and just pretend it was amazing.

It's like a group project that none of us wanted to do because we already graduated and moved on from all that so we don't need the credit (she does graduate a year later the rest of us).

I said that if she wants a free wedding, she should probably just elope or go to city hall, because this isn’t really free, it’s just free for her (I might have been a bit more forceful in my wording but I didn't swear or call her names or anything like that).

She got super quiet and just looked at me for a minute or so and then left (with another one of our friends driving her home). Later that night, I got a text from that friend saying I had really hurt Coral's feelings, and that even if the plans were a bit unrealistic, I should have just let Coral come to that conclusion on her own.

Coral then messaged me just saying "Sorry, don't worry about the cake" with no more context. I am feeling pretty bad now, especially since Coral was so happy and excited and she never really said anything mean to me.

Perhaps I should have just gone along with the cake (since she said she wouldn't be mad if it turned out badly), but I am worried that her wedding would not have been what she wanted. And I was also frustrated about the cake request.

NOTE: Honestly I feel a bit bad now--Coral really is a sweet person who is just a bit naive. I feel like a lot of people in the comments are tearing her up more than she deserves. She has always been the "baby" of the group and I just got frustrated and ranted on this case. I don't know what the fiancé thinks about all of this.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Difficult_Jury_7455 said:

That's really sweet that she wanted to let you spend a good hundred bucks on cake materials out of your own pocket for her wedding.

hiraeth_stars said:

NTA. Coral needed a reality check, to be honest, and as a good friend you were honest and gave it to her.

ParticularPath7791 said:

NTA. Your friend is bring ridiculous and you are the only one with the balls to tell her. Be happy she decided to not force you to do the cake.

bologna_fans said:

NTA. Your friend is also embarrassing herself. “Guests” are not beneficiaries and employees. Coral is being tacky and I honestly have secondhand embarrassment for her. I think a realistic discussion about this is akin to letting her know she has spinach in her teeth.

FunnyCharacter4437 said:

NTA. And don't believe her about her "oh, who cares if it's nice or not!". If the cake turned out badly, she would have never let you forget it. If she was cool with a shitty looking cake, she wouldn't have used overly embellished options as "inspo." She's fine with everyone else funding her day but was pissed someone called her out on her selfishness. Make sure you're busy that weekend.

Excellent_Neat_9432 said:

NTA - I'm sure you did hurt her feelings. But, sometimes there isn't a good way to sugarcoat these things. I would apologize for hurting her feelings, but reinforce that you weren't wrong with what you said.