'AITA for telling a friend that she's not a real singer? 'She pressured me to attend an expensive concert.'
"AITA for telling a friend that she's not an artist when she pressured me to attend her expensive 'concert?'"
For some context I work while completing my postgraduate degree. My family doesn't have the means to support me financially so I'm pretty frugal, I avoid debt and always have an emergency savings just to be safe as there is no other back up options (in fact I'm the back up option for my siblings at times).
I have a close friend Rani who is the opposite, she's easy going and doesn't care about being in debt or living pay check to paycheck as YOLO. Difference is her mother works over time to pay for her bills regularly so she doesn't worry about debt being a problem.
Rani likes karaoke and has recently joined an Indian music group as a guest participant (last few months), they're apparently holding a concert now and Rani is insisting that I purchase a ticket and go to watch her sing. Ticket for this concert is $70.
I told Rani that this was too much and that I wasn't in a position to be able to spend that much, esp as I recently had unexpected costs which shes aware of. She kept insisting that I should go, that she knows I can afford it, & that I'm being a bad friend, ticket price is cheap etc.
I told her if it was so cheap, she can give me a ticket but for me it was not cheap. She then started complaining that I should be wanting to support her, that I never support her when she wants to go out to these big events (Not true, in the last few years I've gone to quiet a few "events" that she insisted I attend, each costing 80-150, though I don't go to every single one due to how busy I am + cost factor).
This is where I may have messed up, I told her that it wasn't a big deal if I didn't go, and when she said "come on, I'll be singing" I said "yeah but you're not an artist/singer, you're doing this for fun, its not like this is your career”
She got really angry at that and said "just cause you can't sing, doesn't mean I can't hold a concert” she called me an AH, among some other names.
We haven't talked since and I'm wondering AITA for saying that. Cost was the main reason why I couldn't go but she kept pushing and wouldn't accept that being as valid and I think I made careless comment, I didn’t think she’d be offended since singing is a new hobby shes picked up and its never been more. So AITA?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Since many are asking why I didn't just leave it at no - I tried. This wasn't a single convo. We've been arguing over it for several days. Each time its the same convo of her telling me I have to go, she doesn't accept my reasons, she thinks Im being cheap and dishonest "you're being a bad friend" is her fav line.
She sees my emergency fund as having money, in her eyes if I can give money to my family or close friends in an emergency/when they need it, then I must have money to go out too. I've tried telling her that if I had so much money, I wouldn't be working so much (every weekend/days I don't have uni) but she chooses not to believe me.
-She's pushy any time she wants to go out, this isn't about her singing, she can't take no for an answer for anything, if she wants it and you won't agree to it - you're an awful person.
-Singing is just an activity/hobby (she gets bored v.easily), shes not part of the band, the group is just allowing her (and few other regular people) to sing during the concert
-She likes to party, dance clubbing etc, I don't but I've still gone to many things shes asked- to be a good friend but she doesnt care if I have assessments, can't afford the price, have work early the next day. She'll call, pester and guilt trip, say it has to happen despite me saying I cant. It always ends in me feeling sh%^ and her being offended.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
applebum8807 said:
I was with you but you kinda lost steam at the end. ESH Obviously, she is an AH for not taking no for an answer and badgering you to come when you repeatedly said you could not afford it.
But, despite whatever you meant to say, what you said to her near the end was rude and not warranted. While you would have fine had you either shut the convo down or stuck to the main reason you can’t come, you switched gears into something more personal against her.
honestcharlieharris said:
NTA. The most expensive concert ticket I've ever bought was $70 and it was for the Mars Volta reunion tour. Most national touring acts don't charge anywhere near that much. I don't know what world this person is living in that $70 is a reasonable cover charge for an event.
Compared to like a $1k Taylor Swift show or something maybe but she plays for hours and has an enormous production budget. What other events has she been a part of that were $80-150? This is wild.
Mobile_Following_198 said:
ESH. She shouldn't have pressured you. You shouldn't have minimized something she obviously enjoys. FYI you can definitely be an artist without pursuing it as a career. Honestly, that's most artists. The majority of creatives do not make enough profit from their work alone to sustain themselves. The stereotype of starving artists exists for a reason.
urgasmic said:
NTA. I don't think what you said was very nice but honestly she was asking for it. You said no, that you couldn't do it and she knew about your unexpected costs. That should have been the end of the conversation. But she kept pushing. You've shown you do support her but she's the type of person with a short term memory I guess.
_s1m0n_s3z said:
NTA. She was badgering you to spend money you didn't want to spend and to go to an event you didn't want to go to. If anyone presses me that hard about why I don't want to do something despite repeated polite excuses, well, then they're likely to get to hear the real reason. Whether they like it or not. They asked for it, and refused to take a hint. You can only protect people from the truth for so long.
chuckinhoutex said:
NTA - and I'm trying to find the attraction to this self absorbed mess. Like - let them go away mad and just leave them be.
ColonelBelmont said:
NTA. If an unreasonable person can't take a polite "no", then an impolite "no" is usually justified.