'AITA for telling my friends they aren’t welcome at my house in Japan?' 'I cut contact after this.'

"AITA for telling my friends they aren’t welcome at my house in Japan?"

I’ve been friends with a group of girls since HS. One M (F27) I was particularly close with. Also in our group was her best friend E (F27) who I never was fond of because I found her dramatic.

After finishing my undergrad I moved to Rome to do a masters. While there they told me they would be visiting Italy and wanted to do stuff with me. I assumed they were staying in Rome for a while and said great, and asked them to fill me in on their plans so I could see if it worked around my school schedule.

They didn’t, and ended up staying in Rome just 2 days and then traveled across Italy. I was hurt that they had implied they took this trip with me in mind, but then didn’t account for me, but said whatever as it was ultimately their trip.

After Italy I moved to Japan. I got a job on the northern most island. They already had a trip to Japan planned before I moved so I wasn’t expecting them to change their plans to visit me, but said I can fly down to Tokyo (where they said they would be staying the whole time) over a weekend to see them.

They said great, but when it got closer to the trip they told me that the only weekend I could see them they were going to USJ Osaka. For me to go to Osaka would have been vastly more expensive and take more travel time so I passed. I was hurt again but said whatever.

Finally, M texts me in December and tells me she and E are coming to Japan in April and going to Tokyo and Kyoto. I happened to move to a prefecture between these two cities and offered to let them stay at my house for a few days. I also said multiple times that I was free (unemployed) and wanted to go around Japan with them.

I just asked they kept me in the loop so I could plan things out for myself. M said she was super excited and said of course. I made the mistake of then saying I had extended family visiting around the same time who also wanted to visit Tokyo and Kyoto and joked I’d be an expert after these two visits.

Months go by with no new info. One day E texts me and says bluntly “we’ll be staying with you for (one night).” Then M texts me about tattoo coverings. I ask them what’s going on with the trip and M says they booked everything already. I said I thought I was joining them, and E responds bluntly again with the dates they will be in Kyoto.

M says she thought I didn’t want to come because I was going to Kyoto with my family already (I wasn’t) and to book at their hotel would cost me over $500. I said nvm, and that this was the third strike. I told them I wasn’t a hotel and they were no longer invited to my house.

M apologized and said she always tried to account for everyone’s emotions, and she had assumed I was going to Kyoto with my family and wouldn’t want to go twice so soon. I said I was tired of being led on. I later apologized for reacting so strongly, and said I did so because I miss my friends. E said it’s not their job to keep me from being lonely, and that they always try and account for me. I cut contact after this.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

hopingtothrive said:

Those are not very nice people and not your friends. Don't look back. They left you out several times, haven't kept you in the loop and were only going to use your house if it was convenient. The assumption about your family was BS. You made it very clear you wanted to join them on their travels. NTA. Probably should have cut them off sooner.

piglady82 said

They don't like you, they're not friends.

Numerous_Arrival_158 said:

You did the right thing by cutting them off. M is a joke. She tried to account for everyone's emotion? Clearly everyone means herself and E and you are always excluded. They don't see you as a friend and good for you to recognize that.

gumball_00 said:

NTA. They're parasites, not your friends. Surround yourself with people who truly love you and care about your wellbeing.

decodeimu said:

NTA. You made the correct decision. They’re incredibly inconsiderate parasites and you’re not a hotel. They can easily book themselves at APA or use Agoda for a ryokan. As a Tokyoite, I immediately shut down folks back home who think my residence is a time share. Good on you for doing the same.

redditstinkttotal said:

NTA. They kept you at arm’s length in case they needed you/could take advantage of you. You called them on it. Time to move on.